'Tis the Season.

And yet, it's not. 

It's not exactly the season of all the things.

It's the season, but it's not.

It's not the same at all.

Our travel plans are halted. 

Our parties are cancelled. 

Our sparkly outfits stay in the closet.

But.

'Tis the season. 

Still. 

Because...

This shouldn't take away the joy that we feel.

This shouldn't take away the hope in our hearts.

This shouldn't take away the love. 

The love.

Goodness.

It's there.

Always.

So.

Yes.

It's stressful. 

Yes.

It's exhausting. 

Yes.

Let's face it, y'all. 

It's.

A.

Lot.

But...

The love.

The love is there. 

Whether we're together or apart.

Whether we're 500 miles away. 

And yes. 

I choose that number specifically.

I am almost always 500 miles away from my family.

Through the most important of holidays.

The most important of anniversaries.

The most important of moments.

But.

The love.

The love is there.

Whether we're together or apart.

Whether we're 500 miles away.

The love is there.

For.

Ever.

You'll feel it, too.

I promise.

Because.

After all.

'Tis the season.

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Signs.

Have you listened to Taylor Swift's [fairly] new song, exile yet?

I can play that song on repeat a trillion times a day, and it tears me up every time. 

Signs. 

They're so interesting, aren't they? 

We see them in retrospect. We blink, and they appear, often too late. 

And then we get stuck. 

Like a hamster on a wheel.

Replaying and replaying.

Each and every sign. 

We find ourselves wishing.

Thinking.

Hoping. 

Rewinding. 

But we can't.

We can't rewind. 

Not magically. 

Not really.

We can't see the signs that were there before he left.

We can't see the signs that were there before we lost her. 

We can't see the signs that were there all along.

We want to say we can't imagine they were there and we missed them.

And yet.

We did.

We do. 

We miss the signs. 

But what becomes most important - SO VERY IMPORTANT.

To each and every one of us. 

Is that we let them go.

We cannot stay there. 

Stuck.

Tripping over the signs that are behind us. 

We just can't.

So. Friends.

Let them go.

Those signs. 

They're irrelevant now.

They don't matter.

They mean nothing.

We can't change what happened.

It was not our fault.

We just didn't know.

We didn't see.

We skipped over the signs.

And we need to let them go. 

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This Is Exhausting.

Everyone, hi.

Hi, hello, all the greetings. 

I've been missing for months. 

Only I have been right here. 

Exactly here. 

Exactly where most of us have been for all the days since March. 

March 13th, to be precise. 

March 13th was the last normal-ish day. 

I went to my doctor.

I went to the grocery store. 

I picked up my daughter from school.

And then. 

Everything changed. 

For all the f*ckers out there who don't think anything has changed?

You. I have issues with you. 

For anyone who is confused as to what my life has been like all these days, weeks, months?

It's been quiet.

And different.

And yet, a new normal. 

One nobody wants to accept.

And yet, I do. 

I accept it.

Because I have concerns and I think it's important to acknowledge that.

And because I think it's important to remind ourselves that not everyone is living their normal life.

Because.

This.

Is. 

Exhausting. 

Friends. 

We're STILL in a pandemic.

We're still wearing masks. 

Many of our children are still in school at home.

Many of us grown-ups are still not returning to our offices. 

Me?

I always work from home.

It's something I've answered repeatedly since March.

Yes. 

Yes. 

I have worked from home for over seven (SEVEN!) years.

Y'all.

Guess what, though?

I could leave my house after my work day.

I did the school transport back and forth.

I lived in Lyfts.

I went on dates (don't gasp, there were so very few).

I went to Starbucks (I miss you so!).

I went to dinner with friends (I miss y'all more!).

Weekends were busy. 

We did things.

We saw people.

I lived a normal life. 

We lived a normal life. 

And now?

This?

This new normal?

This.

Is. 

Exhausting. 

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You Don't Have To.

Friends.

I keep seeing people posting about how they don't understand why they ...

Can't focus enough to even read a chapter. 

Is that you? I'm an AVID reader friends. But this is me.

Aren't cleaning their homes from attic to basement. 

Yeah. No.

Didn't start a work out routine that leaves them feeling fitter than ever. 

Any guesses on my success there?

Don't cook meals from scratch 3x/day. 7x/week. 

If you can even GET groceries it's a big deal, friends.

Haven't started that - what? - garden? hobby? blog? book they have always wanted to write?

Gentle breaths, please. Let's take several steps back here.

Now.

You know you've said it.

I've been home for (fill in the blank because we're all quarantined a different number of days at this point) however long and I haven't done diddly.

Y'all?

You don't have to.

That book isn't going anywhere.

It's okay if you haven't read it from cover to cover yet.

You don't have to.

It's okay if your house looks like a tornado blew through, whether or not you have kids in your home with you. Clean it in sections, if you're motivated to do so. Wipe off surfaces. Lysol whatever you need (you know you've done or are doing that much!). But clean every single room? Surface? Floor? Wall? Baseboard and trim?

You don't have to.

As for working out? I've always said I need more time to fit that into my days. And guess what? As someone with a fenced in yard who takes her dog for way too few walks? We're getting out more often. Am I running a virtual 5K or marathon? Have I started PIYO or Peloton - pssst. thanks for those free workouts, truly, I know somebody's using them! Me? Is it me? No. I haven't. It's not me. And it's okay if you haven't, either.

You don't have to.

And the cooking.

Don't.get.me.STARTED.on.the.COOKING.

Y'all. The cooking. I have been cooking for about 957 days and nights, and it's only me here in my home 50% of the time. When my daughter is here, ssssh, don't tell anyone - tell EVERYONE. Some days we opt for soup or Ramen or Taquitos for her and I decide if I'm hungry at all. SOME days. On other days? I cook. Like actually find myself being a complete grown-up who thawed some meat in advance, or pulled together ingredients from the 500 grocery orders I've attempted and the three (yes, three) I've succeeded at, to create an actual beautiful glorious MEAL that we both enjoy.

But y'all.

You don't have to.

If you find yourself feeding your family with frozen waffles and pancakes, Pop Tarts (generic or otherwise), and a whole lot of chocolate milk? It's okay. You're allowed. I'm not baking everything from scratch. I'm not pulling all of those beautiful cookbooks out of my cabinets and diving right on in. As much as I adore Chrissy Teigen.

And you?

You don't have to.

So please.

Cut yourself some slack.

Give yourself a little grace.

This is pandemic living.

We have no idea what we're supposed to be doing.

There. Are. NO. Shoulds.

You don't have to.

You just don't.

And if you need me to tell you this directly? Message me. Let me help.

I'm more than happy to.

Because beating ourselves up, especially now, during crisis living, quarantine life and these Corona times? That's absolutely something you don't have to do. Absolutely something you need to NOT do.

Take good care of you. Please.

Looking for more resources on taking better care of yourself, your emotional and mental health, and/or how to find support?

How To Keep Calm When Everyone is Freaking Out

Home Alone: Check On Your People

Feel All The Things

5 Steps To Take To Protect Yourself in the Current Political Climate

11 Inspirational Books and Journals

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Home Alone.

Oooh, friends.

What a time it is to be alive, don't you think?

It's so overwhelming.

So exhausting.

So draining.

So confusing.

And so so very - strange - especially if you live alone.

Now, granted, I have a daughter, so my first week of "quarantine" was not solo.

But she has been with her dad for a few days - and wow - it's really really different being here by myself.

I'm not writing this for anything along the lines of: oh, you poor thing.

That's not why I'm writing about being home alone.

I'm writing because I want you to consider your surroundings.

I want you to consider your family members, your friends, your neighbors. I want you to consider all of the people in your circles who live alone.

Again. I'm not asking you to worry about me. Have you SEEN my Facebook wall lately?

I'm fine.

* Plus I am working so much right now that if you call me I am 99% certain I would not have a moment to answer - so - really - I'm okay, I promise. Also, update: My daughter is now home with me. Yay! *

But there are so many people out there who aren't.

Isolation becomes a joke when we talk about it with respect to introverts.

Oooh. They love this! They work from home! Live at home! They totally prefer their 4+ walls to anywhere else!

No, friends.

If you have an introvert friend who lives alone? Please check on them.

See if they need anything.

See if they want to video chat with you.

Because 4+ walls and no other human faces?

That's not exactly introvert life.

Because even your favorite introverts leave their houses now and then.

Even your favorite introverts have people they enjoy being close to.

And right now - during this pandemic time in the world we're living in - unless those people live in the same homes as they do? They're not getting to see those people. No smiling faces. No collaborative laughter. No arguing over the remote. Deciding where to grab lunch.

None of it.

So. Please, if you would.

Check on your people.

*The extroverts, too! Because they are for SURE struggling.*

They're home alone.

And they are struggling.

Remind them that they're home alone - but they're never ever truly alone - okay?

Just those few words will mean the world.

Trust me.

Stay safe and healthy and hydrated, y'all.

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Can We Please Not Judge?

Y'all really have your own thoughts about things, don't you?

You know what you need for your family to survive for the next 14+ days and you've made those purchases accordingly.

And maybe you got some extra toilet paper. Good on you. As long as you didn't knock someone over the head for it, I'm cool with that.

Honestly, I don't care if you ordered six dozen mega-packs of toilet paper from Amazon if it made you feel better.

And I don't care if you piled your shopping cart with about ten bottles of wine if you're so inclined.

You're a grown-up. You do you.

And I'll do the same.

But can you not judge me for my choices?

And if you're thinking, but what, Andrea, I didn't say anything to you about what you did or didn't buy when you went to the store two times this last week. What's the problem?

No. Maybe you didn't.

But did you, when you were buying your "essentials" - did you find yourself looking at the cart of the person next to you and thinking, what the heck do they need THAT for?

Did you look at how many blue boxes of macaroni and cheese they purchased and roll your eyes?

Did you count their cartons of eggs, and the number of boxes of cake mix?

Did you think, what on earth does someone need four jars of pickles for?

Did you look through their items and wonder why they didn't have berries and apples and avocados in their stockpiling stashes?

Did you consider that they didn't need that stuff because they get two produce deliveries every week so they can support local farmers and buy rejected fruits and veggies so they don't end up in the landfill?

Did you think about how their toddler ONLY eats the mac-n-cheese from the BLUE box, no matter how hard they've tried to get them to eat something else?

Did you count the number of bags of frozen chicken nuggets in comparison to packages of fresh chicken breasts and thighs? And if you did - did you realize that this was the third store they'd been to this morning and every single one of them was out of poultry?

Please, friends.

We are in the middle of a freaking PANDEMIC.

Hello. A PANDEMIC.

Definition from Merriam-Webster.

occurring over a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high proportion of the population

an outbreak of a disease that occurs over a wide geographic area and affects an exceptionally high proportion of the population : a pandemic outbreak of a disease

Can we please stop with the judging?

Can we please remind ourselves that what we're just trying to get through this as best we can? And that we've each got our own concerns in the midst of it all? 

Because the last thing we need is to feel like someone is looking at us with an 'I've got it all together' kind of look. You know the one. The one that makes you feel like crap and makes you wish you could crawl into a hole. Or the freezer section at the local supermarket. Or maybe the beer section. And I don't even drink beer. 

I'm always telling people to cut themselves some slack. 

To give themselves a bit of grace. 

To remind themselves that, hey, we're all - each one of us - human. 

Now I'll take a moment to remind each of us of something else. 

The importance of doing the same for others. 

Cut them some slack. 

Give them some grace. 

Extend a bit of heart beyond your own circle. 

If you wouldn't say it to a friend, or want a friend to say it to you? 

Don't say it about anyone you don't know. 

Please. 

Please don't judge. 

* If you're struggling, I've offered some tips on how to find a bit of calm in the midst of the current chaos.

* If you're concerned about your community and the impact that closing schools will have on those families who are managing food insecurity? I have shared information on how to Donate to Your Local Food Bank. 

Read it to find ways to help.

Because helping feels so much better than judging, my friends. 

And I know you have it in you. It's why I love and respect you so. 

Important Disclaimer: 

If you're buying all the medical supplies and things that our friends' lives depend on, but yours does not? I will judge you. DO NOT PUT THE LIVES OF OTHERS AT RISK for your stockpiling purposes. Please. Just don't do it. You don't need fifteen bottles of distilled water. But your friend who needs a CPAP machine to BREATHE while they sleep? DOES. Thank you.

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How To Keep Calm When Everyone Is Freaking Out.

Friends.

I know what you're going through right now.

I know that you're experiencing anxiety like you have not experienced in some time.

If ever.

I know that you are feeling all of the symptoms that make you stop and pause and think, what is happening to me - physically?

Take a moment.

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Don't Step Out of Your Comfort Zone.

You know the saying, step out of your comfort zone.

Try new things.

You can do it!

You've got this!

All of that is true. Certainly.

You CAN do it.

And no doubt, at some point?

You WILL get it.

But what happens if stepping outside of your comfort zone causes you so much anxiety that you simply freeze?

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Feel All The Things.

Good day, internet friends, and happy holidays.

'Tis the season for love, laughter, baking, drinking, eating, happiness! And, of course, decorating alllll the things.

But it is also the season for pain. Grief. Loss. Reminders.

And. Of course. Tears.

Allow yourself these tears.

Whether you realize it or not, you need them.

Tears are a catharsis of sorts for the body.

I'm not a doctor and I don't play one on TV, but I know that a good cry is healing for us all.

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We Need Each Other.

Do you talk about mental health with the people in your life?

Do you tell them if you're struggling?

Do you ask them if THEY are struggling?

Mental health matters. It matters to me. It should matter to you.

Over the years it has been so easy to use words like nuts, crazy, whacko, insane.

I used to use them. I shouldn't have - but I did.

That isn't to say that I never do. I still describe myself as a little crazy now and then.

What is a little crazy, anyway?

Do we really know?

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It Doesn't Matter.

It doesn't matter how many years have gone by.

It doesn't matter how some memories have faded.

For those of us who have walked that walk.

For those of us who have seen those skies.

We remember. 

We never forget. 

====

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Closing Doors.

Y'all.

I am so tired this week.

I have plans this weekend that will bring love and joy and support back into my world and my heart, and I can't wait for them.

But in the meantime?

This week.

I just can't get out of my own head.

I just can't get out of my own way.

I know you do it, too.

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We Move Forward.

When?

When will it end?

How many lives need to be cut short before we see change?

How many people need to check in with their loved ones to report that they are safe?

That they were 'far from' the latest incident of domestic terror?

That's what this all is, you know?

Domestic.

Terrorism.

What do we do?

We move forward.

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Ch-ch-changes.

There's only so much in one person's life that remains consistent.

There's only so much in one person's life that remains exactly the same all the time.

Yes. Those two sentences mean the same thing.

Kinda sorta.

Consistent does not necessarily mean exactly the same, although in some definitions you'll find that it means "the same way all the time" and in others it means, well, not exactly the same but similarly.

/shrug/

Life has ups and downs (and overs and outs) and we all go along for the ride.

Many a person has lost their life to these ups and downs.

Many a person has lost their will to face the downs, or the repeated cycle of up-down-up-down.

Me?

Not me.

I'm riding it to the end, my friends.

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Divorce as a Nonparent

So many women find themselves in a new stage of life, a change that they can't seem to wrap their minds around. An unexpected one. Prompted by themselves. Their partner. Both of them.

One doesn't need to know how things started, or - more likely - ended - to consider exploring the emotions experienced when it comes to divorce.

Divorce is difficult.

It does not matter if you're a mom or a dad, or quite possibly someone who is defined and described as a wife or husband, without that parent moniker attached.

So, if that is you? I am writing this for you.

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Depleting.

Divorce is depleting.

Someone in a group I am in said that this morning, not in those exact words, but more along the lines of when someone reacted to something divorce related - how depleting that was.

Is.

Feels.

Depleting.

Damn.

That is the G-d's honest truth.

Divorce is exhausting.

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Explore.

I have never done a word for the year before.

I often thought about it. Figured, what better way than to pick a word to focus on as I faced a brand new year? Different than resolutions. More flexible. More relaxed. Just one simple word.

But nope.

Never happened.

And then this year came along.

At the end of 2018 I found myself making plans for 2019.

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Voices.

image from Pixabay

I'm sitting here watching The Voice, and it's interesting that the title for my post is Voices.

I'm sticking with the one word titles for November. Though I'm obviously off the daily posting thing.

So.

Voices.

They represent so much.

What voice do you use when you speak?

How many voices do you have?

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Emotions.

Emotions are tricky, aren't they?

We go through days.

Moments.

Feel as though we're flying high.

On top of the world.

We rely on others.

Feed off of them.

Our emotions often echo those of the people around us.

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Whispers.

image from pixabay

Some days there isn't much to say.

Some days I find myself falling asleep from the silence.

The eerie echoes of nothingness.

And on some days I whisper.

Hi.

Hey.

And I smile.

Some days I wonder.

Some days I think too much.

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