Thursday, December 19, 2019

Feel All The Things.

grief, loss, emotion, mental health, therapy, sadness, crying, tears, happiness, laughter, love, memories, holidays, family

Good day, internet friends, and happy holidays.

'Tis the season for love, laughter, baking, drinking, eating, happiness! And, of course, decorating alllll the things.

But it is also the season for pain. Grief. Loss. Reminders.

And. Of course. Tears.

Allow yourself these tears.

Whether you realize it or not, you need them.

Tears are a catharsis of sorts for the body.

I'm not a doctor and I don't play one on TV, but I know that a good cry is healing for us all.

My mental health experience reminds me that crying is 110% permitted whenever you need it.

And my own personal experience - as someone who cries often - both, silently and loudly, when needed, shows that it is such a welcome release you don't acknowledge until after you are done.

Scientifically speaking, tears release the stress hormone cortisol, which is something we need to release - so as to ensure that the build up in our bodies does not become too much for us to handle. Psych Central indicates that if we do not release this hormone, our bodies may experience medical issues/ailments, along with a drastic shift or impact on our mood.

Yes, we often hate to cry in public, or in the presence of people who might feel uncomfortable or make US feel uncomfortable. Not everyone cries as freely as I do, I'm aware.

But we're allowed. And we shouldn't be embarrassed. And we shouldn't hide our tears.

Tears come when we're sad, sure, but they can also come when we're happy.

Recently someone did a favor for me, offered in kindness, and it completely made my day-night-week, and I cried. Softly. Quietly. Without sound. But I felt it and allowed myself to.

And I felt better for it.

You might be thinking, well, you're a therapist, of course you expect people to cry freely - it's practically in your job description.

Sure. Sure. It's a part of therapy. It's the joke everyone makes about the requirement of tissues in the therapist's office and the red-faced client walking out with their head down so as not to be seen in the waiting area.

But it's so much more than that.

Therapy is a place where you will find that you permit yourself to feel all the things.


This will happen IF AND ONLY IF you have a therapist you trust.

Sure. You may cry even if you're unsure of your therapist. But the likelihood of you moving past that initial bout of tears will be slim if you don't trust them. Allow yourself the time you need to determine your comfort level with the practitioner you have chosen. Find a new one if you need. Ask me for help in finding one. I'll help you.

Now - back to feeling all the things for one final moment - you may find that in therapy when you're feeling all the things, whether openly sharing or just caught up in your own thoughts, that you think you're going to cry.

Go ahead.

It's okay.

If we're sitting across from you we'll pass you the tissues.

If we're on the phone we'll listen silently, acknowledging that you've opened up your heart.

If we're having a virtual session we'll nod, remind you we see you, let you know that we're there.

And if you're not in therapy, or if you are and you're carrying your emotions around with you outside of your sessions? (Listen, all of us do, we don't resolve and release every.single.thing in therapy - your therapist is human and they know this is not possible, truly.) Let yourself feel. Process those feelings. Or don't. Just let them out when you need to. Seriously.

Go ahead.




Sit in silence.





'Tis the season.

And we're allowed to be happy, sad, overjoyed, and in pain, all at once.

If you are struggling with your emotions, grief, loss, or pain this holiday season (or ANY day at all), or if you are in crisis, please reach out to 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for help. Someone will be there to answer your call. You do not have to struggle through on your own. Permit yourself to share with someone who can listen without judging. Allow yourself to safely feel all the things. Know that you are not alone.

1 comment:

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