You Don't Have To.

Friends.

I keep seeing people posting about how they don't understand why they ...

Can't focus enough to even read a chapter. 

Is that you? I'm an AVID reader friends. But this is me.

Aren't cleaning their homes from attic to basement. 

Yeah. No.

Didn't start a work out routine that leaves them feeling fitter than ever. 

Any guesses on my success there?

Don't cook meals from scratch 3x/day. 7x/week. 

If you can even GET groceries it's a big deal, friends.

Haven't started that - what? - garden? hobby? blog? book they have always wanted to write?

Gentle breaths, please. Let's take several steps back here.

Now.

You know you've said it.

I've been home for (fill in the blank because we're all quarantined a different number of days at this point) however long and I haven't done diddly.

Y'all?

You don't have to.

That book isn't going anywhere.

It's okay if you haven't read it from cover to cover yet.

You don't have to.

It's okay if your house looks like a tornado blew through, whether or not you have kids in your home with you. Clean it in sections, if you're motivated to do so. Wipe off surfaces. Lysol whatever you need (you know you've done or are doing that much!). But clean every single room? Surface? Floor? Wall? Baseboard and trim?

You don't have to.

As for working out? I've always said I need more time to fit that into my days. And guess what? As someone with a fenced in yard who takes her dog for way too few walks? We're getting out more often. Am I running a virtual 5K or marathon? Have I started PIYO or Peloton - pssst. thanks for those free workouts, truly, I know somebody's using them! Me? Is it me? No. I haven't. It's not me. And it's okay if you haven't, either.

You don't have to.

And the cooking.

Don't.get.me.STARTED.on.the.COOKING.

Y'all. The cooking. I have been cooking for about 957 days and nights, and it's only me here in my home 50% of the time. When my daughter is here, ssssh, don't tell anyone - tell EVERYONE. Some days we opt for soup or Ramen or Taquitos for her and I decide if I'm hungry at all. SOME days. On other days? I cook. Like actually find myself being a complete grown-up who thawed some meat in advance, or pulled together ingredients from the 500 grocery orders I've attempted and the three (yes, three) I've succeeded at, to create an actual beautiful glorious MEAL that we both enjoy.

But y'all.

You don't have to.

If you find yourself feeding your family with frozen waffles and pancakes, Pop Tarts (generic or otherwise), and a whole lot of chocolate milk? It's okay. You're allowed. I'm not baking everything from scratch. I'm not pulling all of those beautiful cookbooks out of my cabinets and diving right on in. As much as I adore Chrissy Teigen.

And you?

You don't have to.

So please.

Cut yourself some slack.

Give yourself a little grace.

This is pandemic living.

We have no idea what we're supposed to be doing.

There. Are. NO. Shoulds.

You don't have to.

You just don't.

And if you need me to tell you this directly? Message me. Let me help.

I'm more than happy to.

Because beating ourselves up, especially now, during crisis living, quarantine life and these Corona times? That's absolutely something you don't have to do. Absolutely something you need to NOT do.

Take good care of you. Please.

Looking for more resources on taking better care of yourself, your emotional and mental health, and/or how to find support?

How To Keep Calm When Everyone is Freaking Out

Home Alone: Check On Your People

Feel All The Things

5 Steps To Take To Protect Yourself in the Current Political Climate

11 Inspirational Books and Journals

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Please Donate To Your Local Food Bank.

Of course you've seen the stories.

Local shopping cart filled to the top with toilet paper! Story at 11:00!

Chaos ensues at *fill in the blank store name* - hand sanitizer aisle completely EMPTY!

But what about the food?

What about all the groceries you've bought for you and your family, in case - in case you end up stuck at home like you're in a few inches of ice in North Carolina!

What about the food?

More importantly, what about the people who can't afford to stock up the way that you can?

Can you pick up a few extra boxes of pasta, bags of rice or beans, cans of soup or vegetables, and donate them to your local food bank?

Because food insecurity is a real thing.

And as district after district close schools across the states, we need to know that the children are being fed. And that their families are being fed, as well.

There are many items that could benefit a family or individual in need.

Consider the seniors in your area, those with new babies, and those unable to stock up on all of the paper products like you did.

This graphic below is from the Food Bank of Central and Eastern Carolina, which is my local food bank. I have been volunteering with them for several years as a social media ambassador, and am proud of the work that they do supporting those in need in our community. Take a look at these suggestions - grab a few - and then find a food bank near you.

And if even thinking about heading to the store is just too much? Or if getting to the food bank itself seems impossible? Consider making an online donation.  Whether you do so to Feeding America, the organization which supports food banks across the country, or to your local food bank, the money you contribute will help feed those in need. And there are so so many people who could use your help.

March is National Nutrition Month. What better time to help ensure that children, adults, families everywhere are supported in their journey towards healthy eating?

Please consider sharing and showing your support today.

Your community needs you.

Thanks, y'all.

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Inspiration in the Darkness

So.

I did a January Whole30 and I felt good. And then I let February take hold and run me into the ground. I'm back to being the over-emotional me of 2017.

I have done six rounds of Whole30.

Six of them.

I lost a substantial amount of weight, I felt great, and I established a new kind of relationship with food.

And then something changed in my life. Something pretty damned huge.

My life. It's different now.

I experienced so many firsts, and I am still finding new things to experience.

Moments without. Moments with.

I am finding my way.

Making marks in ways I've never expected. Never thought I'd need or want to.

I'm sifting through the ashes. Finding the remains. Piecing them together with all that is new.

Pushing through the mud. Finding growth.

No mud. No lotus.

I'm allowing my scars to heal. Allowing new ones to surface. I'm not covering them up. Not right away. I need to confront them. I need to see them. I need to feel them.

But as I do I'm reminding myself. Inhale. Exhale.

I'm allowing myself to breathe.

We all need to breathe.

I'm watching the seasons change. Recognizing that nearly an entire year has gone by.

I'm looking for inspiration in the darkness.

And sometimes I find it.

Why Melissa Hartwig Inspires Me

If you've ever done a Whole30 you've heard of Melissa Hartwig. 

She's one of the founders and she's one of the people I enjoy following on Instagram. Not just because she's an author. A creator. But because she is real. She's human. And she speaks to us, her fans and followers, as if we're equals.

I know. I know.

We are. We're all human. We are equals.

But seriously, this woman is a fierce fit machine. And in spite of that - from someone who has not found themselves on that path at this point in their life - if ever - I still watch and learn. Absorb. And appreciate that she keeps it so damned real.

If you follow me on Instagram you know that's a hashtag I use often when it comes to selfies and motherhood. #keepinitreal is who I am. Or at least who I try to be. I don't do this for sympathy. I do it for reality. 

And today, well, yesterday, really, I was struggling. I was beating myself up, because after six rounds of Whole30 I felt that I should have had a handle on it in a way that I wouldn't look at myself in the mirror and ask what the hell happened. 

But that's what I do. 

And I know what happened. 

And I don't like to lay the blame on anyone but myself. And yet, sometimes, some days, some ways, I do. Because I didn't ask to fall off this positive path. I didn't ask to find myself knocked down several pegs. I didn't ask for this.

And so. I get angry. I get frustrated. But through it all I stay real. I stay true to who I am.

I almost decided to share Melissa's post on FB today, but then realized this deserved an entire blog post. And I hope it's okay to do this and embed her Instagram post in here - because damn, friends, it's so important. Any of you - all of you - who are trying something new and feeling like you're failing. Or trying something old, again, and hating yourself for not being perfect at whatever it is already. 

This. Melissa Hartwig wrote this for you. 

Re: my last #myfoodfreedom post, where I said it's taken me 7 years to arrive at this place of effortless balance: I occasionally hear people suggest if you need 6 Whole30s or you're still struggling 5 years later, you're doing it wrong. That if you can't "fix" your relationship with food faster than this, without the support or help of multiple Whole30s, you're going about it in the wrong way. • Had I entered myself into a food rehab facility, where all life stressors were removed and my only job was to work on changing my habits and healing my emotional relationship with food, I might agree. But let me explain what ELSE I was working on over that 7 year period, along with my Food Freedom: • Quitting my job to start my own business. Getting married. Discovering major issues. Spending years in therapy trying to make the marriage work. Digging into trauma from sexual abuse and drug addiction during said therapy sessions. Writing a book. Getting pregnant. Leaving home at 7 months pregnant. Returning. Having a baby. Writing another book. Doing a very public book tour side-by-side while filing for divorce. Divorcing. Going through a prolonged business split. Rebuilding myself from the ground up while figuring out how to be a single mom, run my business, and write two more books. • While simultaneously trying to create a healthy relationship with the ONE thing I used to rely on the most for comfort, as reward, to relieve anxiety, and to show myself love. So yeah, it took me 7 years. • If it takes you 9 Whole30s or 19 years to finally find YOUR Food Freedom balance, do not despair, because it's not like it's the only thing you've got going on. Keep working on it daily, diligently. Don't give up, because you choose your hard, and the other hard really wasn't working for you. Don't treat the Whole30 like a yo-yo, because that's not the path to Food Freedom. Go do some therapy, because that’s often necessary too. But if you're working it, really working it, even if all you can do is make one small effort on the toughest of days... don't let anyone tell you that you're not "doing it right." • #myfoodfreedom #whole30FFF #melissarants #melissaexplains7years @whole30

A post shared by Melissa Hartwig (@melissa_hartwig) on Feb 19, 2018 at 4:47pm PST

I wrote this entire post yesterday. Tuesday. February 20th.

Today I had my annual physical. I always spend the day before (who am I kidding, days, more likely) in slight trepidation. I love my doctor. I mean it, I do. She's never made me feel like crap. She's listened to me cry. She's supported me through a lot of stuff. And today was no exception.

And yet. I'm still concerned. Worried. About disappointing her. And, more importantly, myself.

So today I met with the student who was shadowing her first.

Am I the only one who does that?

It is always a great experience, except for that one time when the guy was a little - well, he was a GUY - and he was like a teenager and really cute. But that's okay. I survived.

Anyway, remember that students need to learn, too. If you've not been there you may not want to put yourself out there in this way. You might feel like a guinea pig. You're not. You're getting quality treatment from someone who is currently being supervised by your doctor and if you're not trusting your doctor to do that then how do you trust him/her to treat YOU?

Okay, and so I rambled.

Go figure.

Anyway, my doctor and her student supported me today as I discussed the year gone by, and I spoke about my plans for the coming months. My agenda. My goals. My focus.

And because of the inspiration I found yesterday - that which I shared here - I was able to truly speak from the heart and MEAN IT. I meant EVERY WORD. Every single word.

I'm inspired. It's a sunshine-filled day today, y'all. Thanks for riding it out with me. Let's ride the wave to better days together, shall we? Race you to the starting line ...

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Saturday. In The Park.

My daughter and I did a charity walk this morning.

It was the perfect day for it.

Even got a bit chilly after a while.

Like, actual fall temperatures chilly.

And look at those colors.

It even LOOKS like fall here in North Carolina.

Shocking, I know!

Now - the important stuff - why did we walk?

We walked today in support of UNC Children's Hospital.

I'm a member of the UNC Children's Hospital Digital Influencer Advisory Board, and this is the first time I've been able to stand up and be counted on behalf of this incredible community. I was so proud to participate - and thrilled to introduce my daughter to the incredible work that UNC Children's does for the families they support.

Today's walk for #UNCChildrenshospital was a lot of fun. It was chilly and overcast, but no rain! The kiddo and I enjoyed wandering around the #Raleigh course and then returning to the park for face painting and bouncing around. It's not too late to help #SupportUNCKids - let me know if you'd like to contribute and I'll direct you to our donation page! #motherhood #parenting #365feministselfie #fitnessselfie #fitspiration 👟 #itsfallyall 🍁🍂🍃🌾#longhairdontcare #happinessis #familyselfie

A post shared by Andrea Bates (@goodgirlgonered) on Nov 4, 2017 at 1:59pm PDT

UNC Children's is a top-tier academic medical center that works to deliver world-class family-centered care to all families - regardless of their ability to pay. 

You can still make a donation to support the every day efforts of UNC Children's Hospital, whether you do so through my fundraising page or their general website.

And I know this is an abbreviated post, but in all honesty? I should have written it earlier.

And?

I'm tired.

But to wrap it up I say thanks to my friend Lisa of A Daily Pinch for inviting me to be part of this advisory board and the event. It's a privilege to be considered for such an opportunity, and I look forward to spending more time introducing you to the incredible community that is UNC Children's in the future.

P.S. Here's a quick pic of me with Lisa today. It's been years since I've seen her, so a hug and some quality chat time was required!

* I was not compensated in any way for this post. My role on the UNC Digital Influencers Advisory Board is completely voluntary and I receive no compensation for any support I give to the organization. * 

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Ten Truths About Mental Health

Source: pixabay... /en/consulting-mental-health-health-1739639/

If you've been a regular reader of my blog you're bound to already know how important the topic of mental health is to me.

As a licensed clinical social worker, it's a given that this topic is not just a part of my professional world - but basically IS my professional world. And when it comes to personal discussions, you already know that I speak freely about how important it is to take care of your mental health.

For mental health awareness month, I'm participating in an effort with some other bloggers, coordinated by Brittany of Clumps of Mascara, to normalize the discussion about mental health.

And in doing so I've decided to share some truths about mental health - for those who might know nothing about what it's like to get help - or what it's like to struggle with mental illness - or - well - pretty much anything I can share I'm going to share here. Because for those out there struggling, it's helpful to hear these things (or read them, as the case may be here), and for those who aren't? It's important to those who are that YOU read them, too. And hear them. And know what your friends and loved ones are experiencing. So please - even if this doesn't apply to you - read on. You just might be able to better understand someone in your life who needs you to.

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Waiting To Exhale

I sit in the waiting area at the doctor's office and hold my breath.

It's been a while.

I know I've been off track.

I feel it.

Discomfort.

The pulse beating at the surface of my skin.

From the inside out.

My face flushes.

Tears - not yet leaking from my eyes.

Inhale.

Exhale.

And still.

I sit.

And wait.

For them to call my name.

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5 Steps To Protect Your Mental Health In Today's Political Climate

Everyone knows we have a new President.

Now, whether or not you're a fan of his, you're bound to find yourself wrapped up in so much political discussion pretty much every-freaking-where you look.

Social media? Yes.

Turn on the television? Yep.

Online news sources? Mmmmn-hmmmn.

So. What to do to protect yourself from all of this exposure, coverage and chatter?

Take these steps. They won't guarantee you clarity, peace of mind, or give you all the answers, but they will help you find some quiet and give you moments of thoughts that are less rushed, less stressed and just, simply, less.

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One Full Year

If you've been with me for a while you'll know that I'm the kind of person who writes fairly personal posts now and then.

I have shared my struggle through grief after losing my father unexpectedly several years ago, I've opened up about my anxiety - postpartum and every day, and I've spoken fairly freely about my struggle with my weight, including trying over and over again to establish some sort of fitness regimen that works for me.

I can't say I've made it to a point in my life where I've got it all figured out. I don't think any of us ever really DO reach that point. Not as far as I can tell, anyway. But I do want to fill you in on what's been happening with me over this last year of my life.

A year ago yesterday I started my first round of Whole30.

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My Relationship With Fall

This morning I'm extremely weepy.

I'm not sure what it is, exactly.

Possibly because fall is coming. It's not here yet, believe me (it's still in the 90s here in NC!), but it's coming.

And fall doesn't hold the love and luster for me as it once did. Cooler temps would be great. They would certainly make my walks easier, because, HEAT. Man. Seriously. HEAT. Whew. HAWT.

But back to fall and my mixed feelings.

Many moons ago, 9-11 took away the joy of September, and so every year I find my way through it. I lived much of it, the native New Yorker I am, walking through the streets of NYC on that day. I'll refrain in describing. This post will take on a tone of its own soon enough.

But a few years ago my father passed away unexpectedly in October (the 11th, no less), and the month lost it's glow. Much as my life did in many ways.

So, this morning I make my way through my second cup of coffee and sit down and write.

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Book Review: Eat Dirt, Dr. Josh Axe

No doubt if you've read anything about health over the last few years you've heard about leaky gut syndrome. You've heard that some of our bodies have problems correctly digesting certain ingredients - impacting various aspects of our healthy directly. And in a negative way. 

Dr. Josh Axe is a well-known name these days. And because I knew who he was I requested to receive this book to review because I wanted to learn more. I wanted to see what he had to say about Why Leaky Gut May be the Root Cause of Your Health Problems ... or mine.

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What I Ate On My Whole9

If we're Facebook friends or you follow me on social media you probably know by now that I am at the tail end of a Whole9. The Whole9 is a mini-Whole30. And the Whole30 is a way of eating that encourages you to eliminate several food groups and ingredients to help you determine which are the ones that are causing you inflammation and irritation - internally - and it's a really great way to reset your body. 

I've done two of them, my first round back in September of 2015. It was a pretty fantastic experience and I've become one of those people who sings praises of the program to anyone who asks. It was a fairly easy transition to life after Whole30, and I did a second round in January of this year. I started the new year off right. And then February came and I fell off that wagon. HARD. 

So - here I am - you find me on Day 9 of my Whole9, which is my little reset. I need to bring myself back to remembering that I don't really need cheese on my salad (which I broke on my visit to the Lowcountry, and people, it was so worth it!) and I can stick with my almond or coconut milk creamers in my coffee. 

I'm sharing some of my menu for this Whole9.

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Sugar Crush: How to Reduce Inflammation, Reverse Nerve Damage, and Reclaim Good Health

Thanks, TLC Book Tours, for the opportunity to read and review Sugar Crush.

Sugar Crush: How to Reduce Inflammation, Reverse Nerve Damage, and Reclaim Good Health (title link - here and throughout post are affiliate links) by Dr. Richard P. Jacoby and Raquel Baldelomar is an introduction to the impact that sugar has on our bodies. The impact is a huge one - and it's no coincidence that many eating programs these days require a drastic cut of sugar intake, or quite possibly the removal of any additional sugars at all. 

If you've been following me for a while you know I have done a few rounds of Whole30, and in doing so I have learned what removing unnatural sugars does for my body. And it's a lot of really good things. I've got a slight introduction to this concept because of my experience. 

Life after Whole30 isn't the easiest when it comes to omitting extra sugars from my diet, but Sugar Crush is an important reminder of why I need to stick with it and do so.

One section in the book that struck me was the How to Cope with Cravings information. As per Sugar Crush, "addicts crave what they're addicted to, so you should expect sugar cravings as you work on eliminating it from your life." (p. 136)

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Sit Down And Write, Even When You Have Nothing To Say.

I've been missing.

I have not posted in a week and I realized that just now when I went to look at my own blog. And coming off of a November full of posts? That kind of sucks.

But ...

I've been working and editing and writing and whatnot.

But ...

I've been sick with a damned cold that is making me crazy because you guys?

THE COUGH.

THE COUGH IS GOING TO DRIVE ME TO DRINK.

Or something like that.

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Random Acts of Kindness for Caregivers

Did you know that November is National Family Caregivers Month?

I know, I know, it's almost December, but it doesn't matter - because the Random Acts of Kindness Initiative is something you can carry over into the holiday season.

Have you ever had to care for a loved one? Provide daily check-ins, home care, doctor's appointments, perhaps even move that family member into your home?

If you haven't, the likelihood that you know someone who has is high. Keep reading to learn about my family's story.

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Incredibly Informative Paleo Cookbooks

If you've followed me for a while you're aware that I did a Whole30/45 program from September through October. I'm frustrated that I've fallen somewhat off of that so-called wagon and would love to get myself on a more Paleo-oriented track. To do so I'm keeping an eye on some great cookbooks and figured I'd share the ones I've found, purchased, etc. with all of you.

There will be affiliate links throughout this post - and if you use them you'll help me save money to buy the next cookbook that catches my eye - so thanks in advance.

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November is Winding Down: Where I Am.

I'm not doing very well with NaBloPoMo this year.

My November has been filled with lack of inspiration, a need to read and catch up on some television, and not enough writing.

My fitspiration has been lacking some, as well.

I've gotten myself on track this past week, minimally. Baby steps. Let's just say my MOVEmber isn't a success. Dang it. But I thank my mom for supporting my efforts, anyway. The money goes to a great and important cause, ya know? And VISA Checkout matched my donation, which is kind of awesome. So I feel a little good about it. Not A LOT good, but a little.

Also - last week I had no Thankful Thursdays post. No guest post and I should have written my own post and instead I got lazy and that was that. Le sigh.

This post isn't exactly inspiring, is it?

I'll tell you the best thing to happen this week. Are you ready?

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Finding Fitness Fridays: Finding Your Motivation

Hellllooooo, everyone. 

How's everyone doing? 

Are you like me? Are you totally lacking in motivation? 

I'm trying to find mine, and so I figured I'd be open and honest, real and raw, as I usually am, and let you know I'm struggling a bit. 

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November Goals.

I'm doing it again.

I'm jumping in feet first.



I'm participating in NaBloPoMo again this month. I think the last time I did it was in March. And I was like - ohhhh nooooo - never again. But yes. I'm doing it.

My goal for November is to post every day.

One of my goals, anyway.

I'm in my tiny FB group and we're all encouraging one another and even if we don't get something up every day? That's okay. The goal is to WRITE again.

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Finding Fitness Fridays: Life After Whole30

You guys, I haven't been feeling it this week. I'm not sure exactly why, but I just haven't. And I know I have not done a Finding Fitness Friday post for a few weeks - so - yeah - so much for that series I was hoping to kickstart, right?

Anyway, if you've come to visit me this week you've already seen my Whole30 experience post. And if you haven't, go on, I'll wait. I've dropped a link right there for you to check out.

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My Whole30 Experience

If you've been following me this past month or so you already know that I'm a newly crowned Whole30 alumni. Woo hoo! *Throws glitter everywhere*

And so I figured I'd update you all a little bit about my Whole30 experience and give you some insight to what the past two months (just about) have been like for me. I hope you'll stick around and let me know your thoughts.

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