Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Closing Doors.

life, relationships, dating, life after divorce, love, friendships, connection, pain, emotions


I am so tired this week.

I have plans this weekend that will bring love and joy and support back into my world and my heart, and I can't wait for them.

But in the meantime?

This week.

I just can't get out of my own head.

I just can't get out of my own way.

I know you do it, too.

I've had so many people express how very much they can relate.

How very much they understand.

I am tired.

Of the news?


Of course.

Of the news.

Of politics?


Of course.

Of politics.

Of people?




Of people.

That's the part that I'm stuck on.

A loop.

I extend myself. I'm true to myself.

I. Am. Me.

To people I meet.

People I talk to.

People I hope to meet.

And then.


What happens?

Doors close.

I am so in tune with myself and the people I surround myself with, that I know they're about to close before they close them.

Did you follow me there?

If I know you - and you're closing the door on me? On us?

I know it before you do it.

I don't have to know you well to know.

I'm good at this shit.

* Also, hi, I'm a therapist, I read people for a living - though let's not talk about that one time I was pretty effing blindsided - I consider that to be my weak spot, and have improved my abilities there beyond description. So. Moving on. *

But. Y'all.

I'm still tired.

I still question.

Maybe it's my own history.

Have you ever seen a friendship vanish? A relationship disappear? And thought - what on earth did I do that made them ...?

It's not that.

It's not you.

Those words - it's not you, it's me - they're 110% true.

It. Is. NOT. You.

It's THEM.

They. Are. Closing. Doors.

People have their own fears.

Their own weaknesses.

We know our own. We know when we are the ones closing the doors. When we walk away from people who have hurt us, or have the potential to hurt us.

But when we watch people walk away from the truest versions of ourselves we have given them? Shared with them? Shown them?

They. Are. Closing. Doors.

And yes. Goodness, yes. It hurts like a mother.

Friend. Family member. Spouse. Potential lover.

Whoever they are.

It hurts.

But remind yourself.

Prepare yourself.

Because you know.

You sense.

You see.

Closing doors.

They're closing in front of your face. Behind your back. You slam them. They do.

Either way.

It's okay.

Because, as the saying goes, when one door closes ...

Now walk through that next one.

Head held high.

I'm there, too. Right beside you.

Closing doors.

1 comment:

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So please - say something - help me BREATHE!