I'm not sure what it is, exactly.
Possibly because fall is coming. It's not here yet, believe me (it's still in the 90s here in NC!), but it's coming.
And fall doesn't hold the love and luster for me as it once did. Cooler temps would be great. They would certainly make my walks easier, because, HEAT. Man. Seriously. HEAT. Whew. HAWT.
But back to fall and my mixed feelings.
Many moons ago, 9-11 took away the joy of September, and so every year I find my way through it. I lived much of it, the native New Yorker I am, walking through the streets of NYC on that day. I'll refrain in describing. This post will take on a tone of its own soon enough.
But a few years ago my father passed away unexpectedly in October (the 11th, no less), and the month lost it's glow. Much as my life did in many ways.
So, this morning I make my way through my second cup of coffee and sit down and write.
Not a list, nothing book related, just - plain - simple - free - writing.
Sharing.
Tomorrow I start another round of Whole30.
I need to.
It should not be focused on the scale, and it is not, but after a year (A YEAR!) I have put back a few pounds and I feel them. Amazing, isn't it? I did my first Whole30 on 9-1-15 and a year has gone by and I'm healthier than I've been in possibly ever.
And yet the five or so pounds the summer packed on me bother me. I feel them. I don't like them so I want them to go. And really, it's not the pounds, it's the healthiness.
It's the sugar. The salt. The crap I'm taking in that I don't need.
Maybe I'm weepy because I feel bloaty. Maybe?
Tomorrow I'm planning on a year recap of what Whole30 has done for me, in case you're interested. Stick around. You might learn something. Or learn something about me. Or something.
Maybe it's because my baby started fourth grade this week?
FOURTH GRADE.
Remember when she was in Kindergarten?
Yeah. Me, too.
Sniffle.
And I'm listening to the Hamilton soundtrack - which a friend reminded me should be referred to as cast recording. So I'm listening to the Hamilton Cast Recording (Amazon Prime has it right now for FREE - or you can buy it - use my link - I'll make pennies!).
And while that's making me bop and move - it's also making me a little weepy, too. Maybe I'm weird. Don't answer that. Not that it was an actual question. But still. You get me, right?
That's a question. Answer that, okay?
Anyway - it was a quick summer - school has started and I'm trying to find my way into fall. We didn't take the boat out at all for the first summer in forEVER, but we did go kayaking, so that was fun. And we went to New York and Maine, as we do almost every summer.
So I'll share a quick shot of the pond my ILs live off of as a reminder that the world can be beautiful, peaceful and relaxing - sometimes we just have to carve out the time to ensure that we experience that side of it all.
Happy not-quite-September, everybody. Chat tomorrow.
Fall is oh so complicated. It does not carry some of the weight for me as it does you--my dad died in July and I am 12 years into that grief--but oh the season changes are hard. My oldest, age 10, has fallen in love with fall. She is so excited for the pumpkin and the cooler temperatures--Michigan has had a HOT, HOT summer--so I am working to embrace it for her. I used to love fall as she does, but the PPD and now Bipolar changed that somehow. The season change is so hard. I start feeling it in early August, the Bipolar is harder to manage and the feeling of doom is ever present. All that to say, know you are no alone. Fall is hard, and that's okay. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other.
ReplyDelete