Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I miss them

I am just not of the mindset today to write a full and strong enough post to honor the people I lost on this day so many years ago. If you have been following me or reading me for a while, you'll know that I have memories of losing both, my grandmother and my cousin (in-law, but I don't get technical) on this date. Several years apart. Like some cruel joke from destiny. Or whomever was in charge.

And today - I don't know what it is - I just feel like I am not up for the reminiscing. The core of the loss is always there. We live with it. I think of them both often. My daughter's middle name is after my grandmother. She will always be a part of my world. My memories. My life. Forever.

My cousin's husband will always be remembered. Yesterday would have been their wedding anniversary. We can't cry for time lost, but must remember the years we did have. She is blessed to have a beautiful son. He's practically grown (okay, he's not even close to ten yet - but it feels like he's grown) and is an essential part of her world. Had things not gone the way they did who knows how life would have turned out.

For me I think of him often, as when people ask me when I started dating my husband I think back to the wedding day. I say, it was after their wedding. And then to remember the year I have to remember when he died. And then I freeze for a few minutes, lost in thought.

But today I'm just going to be thankful that I had the chance to know him. Have him in my life for a little bit. And my grandmother, I'm going to remember her smile. And honor her. And if you'd like to read a happy batch of memories about my Bubby, feel free to click here. See? She's often on my mind. In my thoughts. And always in my heart.

May they both continue resting peacefully. And may those who - like me - miss them both today breathe a little easier in our time of loss and sorrow. We'll always be lucky to have had them. How does the saying go? Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

From Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.


  1. I wish I could just come over and hug you. Some days are just burned in our memories for eternity. It's good that you focused on the love you have for them and remember the time you did share. That's how they stay with us...in our hearts.
    Love you!

  2. My heart goes out to you. Know our thoughts are with you today. A lot of us know that pain and do empathize with you. I send a hug to you too.

  3. Rough day. I'm thinking of you, Andrea. Hugs!

  4. It never gets easier, does it? Just gets....different... at least in my opinion. I miss my sister daily. Sometimes it squeezes my heart so hard it literally hurts...

    My heart is yours today.

  5. Your words share such sorrow and memories. I am praying for you!

  6. Sending you lots of love and prayers. xo

  7. Beautiful tribute to those you love that had passed. Praying for special extra comforts from above for you and your family today in remembering and celebrating their lives. Hugs to you :)

  8. That's heartbreaking, and yes...a cruel joke from the universe that they died on the same day. You're leaving lovely memories in their honor, and I'm sure they're smiling somewhere.


Comments are like air to a writer.

So please - say something - help me BREATHE!