Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Don't Lick The Minivan, Leanne Shirtliffe

* I have received a copy of Don't Lick The Minivan to facilitate my review. I am also a participating member of the DLM street team, which means I am helping the author do some brainstorming and fully helping promote the book - because it's freakin' funny stuff. Not because I'm receiving any compensation. I just thought it'd be cool to help out and be behind-the-scenes. And I wanted Leanne to be my new bestie. Uhm, I mean Facebook friend/acquaintance. *

reading, nonfiction, motherhood, review, books

How many times have you said something to your child that you NEVER thought you'd say?

Try and count. Go on.

Don't give me that, NOT ME! kind of response.

Because if you are saying that then your child is clearly immobile and swaddled all the time. Yes. Even if they're twelve.

And if not? I don't believe you.

By the way, you should jot that stuff down, my friends. These words of parenting wisdom might just turn into your future book title!

Don't Lick the Minivan is a hilarious tale of parenting by my new friend Leanne Shirtliffe.

And yes, she ACTUALLY had to tell one of her children not to lick the minivan.

Ahhh, kids. They just do the darndest things, don't they?

I mean, think about it. You know you've told them to stop trying to eat their baby sister, or asked them to please not touch their toes while on the toilet,

So you're looking, hoping, begging for someone to relate, right?

Leanne does. Oh, how she does. And doubly so. She has twins. TWINS.

LAWDAMERCY! (What? I do LIVE in the South. So what if I'm a "Yankee"?)

Twins. Obviously I'm mom to a singleton here. Imagine two of my kid? During those witching hourS of years past? Nope. Whew.

Leanne has some incredible parenting tips scattered throughout her book. And if you don't like these? Don't get the book. And get a sense of humor. For realz.

PARENTING TIPS from Leanne Shirtliffe

* If you search "Advice for Traveling with Children," the number one rule is DON'T.
* Some issues are worth taking a stand against. Be anti-glitter.
* It is wiser to forget a child than leave your house without a Band-Aid.
* Keep an emergency vegetable tray in the fridge. If other parents visit your home, pull it out and appear responsible.

These tips are ridiculously hilarious. You might even go back and read them all again after you're done with the book. Like someone I know. *Who, me?*

Although the tainted face paint she used on her daughter and friends? Priceless.

The Halloween costumes pulled from the dress-up bin? Yep. I'm all about that.

And Part Five of her book is titled: "Kindergarten, Or why I had a breakdown."

Having a kindergartener of my own, this, of course, was my favorite part of the book.

Leaving her children at the school, the whimpering, the tears, the tissues ... all hers. And I could totally relate. The random things her children were learning at the wee age of 5 that she swore she hadn't learned until high school. Or Jeopardy. For serious, people. Have you SEEN what these kids learn these days? Wasn't kindergarten all about blocks and paste and learning to use a crayon? I must have prepared my child way too well.

Anyway, you get the picture. This book is pretty funny stuff. You'll want to be Leanne's bestie, too. But you can't. She's all mine!

I mean ... go get yourself a copy and enjoy it!

Also? Dads? It's funny reading for you, too. Leanne shares full parenting stories. Her husband is included. You'll laugh just as often and as loudly. Maybe more. Y'all know you have those booming bursts of laughter that we ladies just don't have.

Now, if you have not yet made your purchase, you're in some luck. I've got a copy to give away. Well, I don't HAVE it on-hand, but you can win one - from me - sorta - through me - is more like it.

All you have to do is comment below and tell me one of the strangest things you have ever found yourself saying to your child(ren) or someone else's child(ren).

That's it. If you've ever interacted with ANY kids in your entire life? You're bound to have something to contribute here.

You can also feel free to tweet or share this post in any fashion of your choosing and let me know as an extra entry. Please PLEASE post this info/url/etc. in a separate comment. It just makes my life that much easier, and then I love you more, and then you have more of a chance of winning ... (oops. did I just say that out loud?).

And please enter. Leanne deserves the recognition that you've actually read this post and are now excited beyond belief to win this book! WOOT! Thanks, peeps!

* Disclaimer reminder: I received a copy of this book to facilitate my review. I have also been provided with an opportunity to give my reader (just one, sorry!) a copy for themselves! All opinions and commentary are strictly my own. Affiliate link in this post. *


  1. Wow....she's funny. I want this book. One of the strangest things, just last week was, "Devin,don't put tape on the toilet seat again." Yeah...I know....he's different. But, I love him. =)

  2. I'm excited for Leanne and excited to read this book!

  3. This sounds FANTASTIC!!! SO funny!!

    I've said SO many things I never thought I'd say over the years so it's hard to choose. I honestly had to tell Bobby (when he was 9 and had just come back from sleep away camp for the first time and I found all of his boxers mildewed in the bottom of his laundry bag), "Next summer, take your underwear off BEFORE you get in the shower each night." --Lisa

  4. I Tweeted it out!!! Here's the URL...https://twitter.com/TheDoseTweets/status/339390301955301376

    Can't wait to read Leanne's book! Woo Hoo!! --Lisa

  5. Sounds like a good book! I might have to read this one. Have a wonderful week!

  6. This sounds like a hoot and a half! I am not only anti-glitter, but am also anti-playdough!

  7. I said to my son, "Spider man's head is NOT a toilet," just the other day!

  8. Just the other day I had to explain that putting toilet paper in her pull up at night won't save her time when she has a night time accident. She thought it would be easier to wipe herself off.


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