Survival.

The world is on fire. 

California was. Literally. So much lost. So much to do to heal and recover. 

Hostages are being released and paraded through crowds chanting for their death. Cameras in their faces. Fear in their eyes. 

A baby celebrates his second birthday in captivity. If he is even still alive. Are any of the rest of them? #untiltheyallcomehome

A plane crashed into a military helicopter in DC. Heartbreaking. Horrifying. People hold their breath, hoping but doubting there will be survivors. 

DC is on fire in all the ways at this point, as the orange man paints the people and communities he fears with broad strokes. 

Executive orders. 

To distract us. Confuse us. Paralyze us in fear.

Western North Carolina still suffers. 

Let's dismantle FEMA, he says. 

His followers cheer. 

Women's rights. Demolished. By the white men who speak of what they do not know. 

Transgender individuals looked at with confusion. These are people. People who are loved. 

Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. 

Blamed for what? 

Hearts break. 

And still. We stand as tall as we can. 

Hold and lift one another up. 

Raise our voices. 

Yes. We feel it. 

The fear. The exhaustion. The overwhelm. 

But we will not stop screaming. 

We will not fall into the trap of distraction. 

We will see and hear all. 

We will fight and survive. 

* Take care of yourselves, friends. Protect your peace, as only you can. Do not look away, but do not always look. I'm here if you need me. 💗

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Can You Imagine?

Can you imagine?

News of your loved ones missing traveling across the globe.

Over two hundred of them.

Missing.

Women.

Children.

Infants.

Babies. 

BABIES.

Grandmothers.

Grandfathers.

Can you imagine?

As the news travels people ask more questions.

And more.

And more.

What happened?

What do you mean they're missing?

We don't believe that.

What women?

What children?

What babies?

Can you imagine?

It's propaganda! 

They shout.

Cursing as they tear down the photos our people have worked so painstakingly hard to share.

There were no babies!

They scream.

As they take knives and scissors to the tape. To the photos. To scratch out their faces.

Can you imagine?

Professors.

Students.

Americans.

Immigrants.

Shouting. Screaming. Calling for the end of you, your missing loved ones, and anyone like you.

Can you imagine?

Walking down a city street and being told by someone to 'go back to your country' when you were born here and they were not.

When they don't want you to have an actual country.

When they believe the land that you identify as your homeland should be wiped clean of people like you.

Just as was done on October 7th.

To thousands of people.

Women. Men.

Children. Infants. Babies.

Grandmothers. Grandfathers.

Israelis. Americans. 

On their homeland. Or just visiting.

Lives cut down in an instant.

Can you imagine?

And those who remain missing.

All held captive.

Over one month since they were taken.

It's propaganda! 

They shout.

As they call.

For the extermination.

Of all Jewish people.

Can you imagine?

I never thought I could.

But now.

I can.

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What It's Like.

I am almost 51 years old.

I have watched as antisemitic sentiments and hate crimes have risen across America in recent years.

Not that they ever went away.

But the freedom that evil has experienced has been powerful. Fierce. Deadly.

I am almost 51 years old.

I was born in Brooklyn, NY. 

A place I never felt myself to be a major minority. 

A place I called home for much of my life.

A place that felt safe.

I am almost 51 years old.

And as I watch as the hatred against Jewish people grows and thrives?

I'm afraid.

As I hear the chants shouted at so-called peaceful protests?

I'm afraid.

Have you heard them?

Have you seen?

Have you been listening?

Watching?

Can you imagine?

I am almost 51 years old.

And before now I had never seen such death and carnage on my people in my lifetime. 

I had always heard, never forget and never again.

I never thought I would have to FEEL it. 

Your Jewish friends are afraid.

Your Jewish friends feel alone.

Your Jewish friends are watching. Waiting. Listening.

We hear the echo of our own voices.

We see the lack of condemning posts about Hamas and their actions.

We see you sharing your every day lives.

We comment, like, love, care.

And also ...

We wonder.

We question.

We try to breathe.

We question some more.

I am almost 51 years old.

And I never thought in my lifetime I would see this. Live this. Worry so. 

But here I am.

Living. Worrying. Breathing.

Questioning.

And that, my friends. 

That is what it's like.

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'Tis the Season.

And yet, it's not. 

It's not exactly the season of all the things.

It's the season, but it's not.

It's not the same at all.

Our travel plans are halted. 

Our parties are cancelled. 

Our sparkly outfits stay in the closet.

But.

'Tis the season. 

Still. 

Because...

This shouldn't take away the joy that we feel.

This shouldn't take away the hope in our hearts.

This shouldn't take away the love. 

The love.

Goodness.

It's there.

Always.

So.

Yes.

It's stressful. 

Yes.

It's exhausting. 

Yes.

Let's face it, y'all. 

It's.

A.

Lot.

But...

The love.

The love is there. 

Whether we're together or apart.

Whether we're 500 miles away. 

And yes. 

I choose that number specifically.

I am almost always 500 miles away from my family.

Through the most important of holidays.

The most important of anniversaries.

The most important of moments.

But.

The love.

The love is there.

Whether we're together or apart.

Whether we're 500 miles away.

The love is there.

For.

Ever.

You'll feel it, too.

I promise.

Because.

After all.

'Tis the season.

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I Turn To Books: Reading Black Authors

The world is aflame.

People are in pain.

Lives have been lost.

It's impossible to verbalize things.

Repeating 'I'm sorry,' only goes so far.

I have spent much of this last few weeks responding to people on Facebook. Explaining things like "all lives matter is NOT an appropriate thing to say," and "there's no such thing as reverse racism!".

I've typed until my brain was tired.

And still. I've not done enough.

So, this weekend? I turn to books.

Here are some Black authors who have created the work we need to be reading.

Some books you need to buy, borrow, listen to, whatever you prefer.

I have decided to include links throughout this post to a number of Black owned bookstores throughout the United States. I've done the legwork. You make the purchase.

Friends. Join me. Learn all you can. Then? Take action.

11 Books By Black Authors White People Need To Read

White Rage: The Unspoken Truth of Our Racial Divide

Carol Anderson, Ph.D.

* Purchase at: St. Hope Underground Books *

Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? 

Beverly Daniel Tatum, Ph.D.

So You Want To Talk About Race

Ijeoma Oluo

* Purchase at: Brain Lair Books * 

Stamped from the Beginning: 

The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America

Ibram X. Kendi

How To Be An Antiracist

Ibram X. Kendi

I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness

Austin Channing Brown

* Purchase at: Pyramid Books *

This book is on backorder nearly everywhere you look - 

so you may need to find an ecopy!

Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Race

Reni Eddo-Lodge

* Purchase at: Brain Lair Books * 

How to Be Less Stupid About Race:

On Racism, White Supremacy and the Racial Divide

Crystal M. Fleming, Ph.D.

* Purchase at: Brain Lair Books * 

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker: A Memoir in Essays

Damon Young

* Purchase at: Semicolon Bookstore and Gallery *

We Can't Breathe: 

On Black Lives, White Lies, and the Art of Survival

Jabari Asim

PRE-ORDER (COMING OUT IN EARLY JULY 2020)!

The End of White Politics

Zerlina Maxwell

* Purchase at: Brain Lair Books * 

So, friends, tell me - which book will you pick up first? 

Thus far (at the time of this writing/posting) I have read So You Want To Talk About Race and I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness. I'm currently reading What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker. I have a few others on hold at the library and a few on their way to me, with another book directly geared towards reading with my teen. It's critical that we educate ourselves, my friends. 

An important note: Teach yourself, your kids, your friends, your family members why saying things like "I don't see color" is unacceptable. From one white person to another? Those four words can hurt.

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Home Alone.

Oooh, friends.

What a time it is to be alive, don't you think?

It's so overwhelming.

So exhausting.

So draining.

So confusing.

And so so very - strange - especially if you live alone.

Now, granted, I have a daughter, so my first week of "quarantine" was not solo.

But she has been with her dad for a few days - and wow - it's really really different being here by myself.

I'm not writing this for anything along the lines of: oh, you poor thing.

That's not why I'm writing about being home alone.

I'm writing because I want you to consider your surroundings.

I want you to consider your family members, your friends, your neighbors. I want you to consider all of the people in your circles who live alone.

Again. I'm not asking you to worry about me. Have you SEEN my Facebook wall lately?

I'm fine.

* Plus I am working so much right now that if you call me I am 99% certain I would not have a moment to answer - so - really - I'm okay, I promise. Also, update: My daughter is now home with me. Yay! *

But there are so many people out there who aren't.

Isolation becomes a joke when we talk about it with respect to introverts.

Oooh. They love this! They work from home! Live at home! They totally prefer their 4+ walls to anywhere else!

No, friends.

If you have an introvert friend who lives alone? Please check on them.

See if they need anything.

See if they want to video chat with you.

Because 4+ walls and no other human faces?

That's not exactly introvert life.

Because even your favorite introverts leave their houses now and then.

Even your favorite introverts have people they enjoy being close to.

And right now - during this pandemic time in the world we're living in - unless those people live in the same homes as they do? They're not getting to see those people. No smiling faces. No collaborative laughter. No arguing over the remote. Deciding where to grab lunch.

None of it.

So. Please, if you would.

Check on your people.

*The extroverts, too! Because they are for SURE struggling.*

They're home alone.

And they are struggling.

Remind them that they're home alone - but they're never ever truly alone - okay?

Just those few words will mean the world.

Trust me.

Stay safe and healthy and hydrated, y'all.

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Can We Please Not Judge?

Y'all really have your own thoughts about things, don't you?

You know what you need for your family to survive for the next 14+ days and you've made those purchases accordingly.

And maybe you got some extra toilet paper. Good on you. As long as you didn't knock someone over the head for it, I'm cool with that.

Honestly, I don't care if you ordered six dozen mega-packs of toilet paper from Amazon if it made you feel better.

And I don't care if you piled your shopping cart with about ten bottles of wine if you're so inclined.

You're a grown-up. You do you.

And I'll do the same.

But can you not judge me for my choices?

And if you're thinking, but what, Andrea, I didn't say anything to you about what you did or didn't buy when you went to the store two times this last week. What's the problem?

No. Maybe you didn't.

But did you, when you were buying your "essentials" - did you find yourself looking at the cart of the person next to you and thinking, what the heck do they need THAT for?

Did you look at how many blue boxes of macaroni and cheese they purchased and roll your eyes?

Did you count their cartons of eggs, and the number of boxes of cake mix?

Did you think, what on earth does someone need four jars of pickles for?

Did you look through their items and wonder why they didn't have berries and apples and avocados in their stockpiling stashes?

Did you consider that they didn't need that stuff because they get two produce deliveries every week so they can support local farmers and buy rejected fruits and veggies so they don't end up in the landfill?

Did you think about how their toddler ONLY eats the mac-n-cheese from the BLUE box, no matter how hard they've tried to get them to eat something else?

Did you count the number of bags of frozen chicken nuggets in comparison to packages of fresh chicken breasts and thighs? And if you did - did you realize that this was the third store they'd been to this morning and every single one of them was out of poultry?

Please, friends.

We are in the middle of a freaking PANDEMIC.

Hello. A PANDEMIC.

Definition from Merriam-Webster.

occurring over a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high proportion of the population

an outbreak of a disease that occurs over a wide geographic area and affects an exceptionally high proportion of the population : a pandemic outbreak of a disease

Can we please stop with the judging?

Can we please remind ourselves that what we're just trying to get through this as best we can? And that we've each got our own concerns in the midst of it all? 

Because the last thing we need is to feel like someone is looking at us with an 'I've got it all together' kind of look. You know the one. The one that makes you feel like crap and makes you wish you could crawl into a hole. Or the freezer section at the local supermarket. Or maybe the beer section. And I don't even drink beer. 

I'm always telling people to cut themselves some slack. 

To give themselves a bit of grace. 

To remind themselves that, hey, we're all - each one of us - human. 

Now I'll take a moment to remind each of us of something else. 

The importance of doing the same for others. 

Cut them some slack. 

Give them some grace. 

Extend a bit of heart beyond your own circle. 

If you wouldn't say it to a friend, or want a friend to say it to you? 

Don't say it about anyone you don't know. 

Please. 

Please don't judge. 

* If you're struggling, I've offered some tips on how to find a bit of calm in the midst of the current chaos.

* If you're concerned about your community and the impact that closing schools will have on those families who are managing food insecurity? I have shared information on how to Donate to Your Local Food Bank. 

Read it to find ways to help.

Because helping feels so much better than judging, my friends. 

And I know you have it in you. It's why I love and respect you so. 

Important Disclaimer: 

If you're buying all the medical supplies and things that our friends' lives depend on, but yours does not? I will judge you. DO NOT PUT THE LIVES OF OTHERS AT RISK for your stockpiling purposes. Please. Just don't do it. You don't need fifteen bottles of distilled water. But your friend who needs a CPAP machine to BREATHE while they sleep? DOES. Thank you.

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How To Keep Calm When Everyone Is Freaking Out.

Friends.

I know what you're going through right now.

I know that you're experiencing anxiety like you have not experienced in some time.

If ever.

I know that you are feeling all of the symptoms that make you stop and pause and think, what is happening to me - physically?

Take a moment.

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It Doesn't Matter.

It doesn't matter how many years have gone by.

It doesn't matter how some memories have faded.

For those of us who have walked that walk.

For those of us who have seen those skies.

We remember. 

We never forget. 

====

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We Move Forward.

When?

When will it end?

How many lives need to be cut short before we see change?

How many people need to check in with their loved ones to report that they are safe?

That they were 'far from' the latest incident of domestic terror?

That's what this all is, you know?

Domestic.

Terrorism.

What do we do?

We move forward.

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There's No Such Thing ... Let's Talk Mental Health

Listen, friends, I never ever pretend to be the therapist to all the people.

I don't.

I tell people I work in mental health.

I tell people I'm a therapist.

But I don't heal anyone.

I don't want to *fix* anyone I'm dating.

I don't want someone who meets me to think I'm instantly going to be analyzing them in a professional manner.

But listen.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't analyze people.

So would you.

It's how we connect with each other.

How we learn about one another.

And how we determine who we want and don't want in our lives.

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Just Do It.

Summer is still kicking it hard here in North Carolina.

The temperature is beastly.

The sun is shining beyond brightly. It's literally (fine, I know. It's figuratively, but that's so much less fun to write!) melting us at sun to skin contact.

And me?

I'm finding my way through each transition of my life. One day at a time.

This post is more of a 'let's touch base about this one particular matter' and I'll tell you things that have been on my mind, than an actual, 'here's a piece about something heavy,' kinda post.

Y'all.

Let me start off saying one single word.

Swoosh.

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My Daughter Is Ten

* I wrote much of this piece several weeks ago. I was on vacation visiting family and so much was happening in the world that I wrote it - but decided to wait to hit publish. I couldn't come up with the right words to finish it. And so, now I believe that I have. But it will never be "finished" - as we all have so much more to learn about, discuss with, and teach each other. *

How?

How is this happening in 2017?

I know that truly, racism has never gone away.

I know that truly, anti-Semitism has never gone away.

But these effing monsters.

They're not people.

They're heartless.

They're hopeless.

They're horrifying.

My daughter is ten.

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Saturday Free Write: Welcome Home and What The Hello?

I'm home, y'all. 

New York. 

Hallelujah. Such a good feeling being home. 

Yes, North Carolina is home - certainly - but NYC will always be a part of me.

It's in my blood. It's who I am. It feels so good to be home, and I haven't even hit the "city" yet.

Right now I'm sitting in my mom's kitchen and our neighbors in the backyard are having a party. There's some old school music playing (I *may* have rocked out a bit on Snapchat!) and I'm loving this feeling that is home.

My kiddo and I are being complete goofballs.

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Go With Your Heart

Just wanted to share some thoughts.

I got fired up the other day in a response to someone leaving a group that I'm in. This individual made  an announcement about leaving, shared a controversial video, and included a comment about intolerance in a group where tolerance is front and center, in my opinion.

And I know it's who I am to defend people and causes and places I care about - so maybe I reacted too quickly, or maybe my words weren't my finest - but - and this is a big one - I went with my heart. 

And that's an important part of what we're doing there [in that group]. We're going with our hearts. We're there because somewhere in our hearts we determined that we needed to educate ourselves. Because somewhere in our hearts we recognized that we need to be doing more. Learning more. Finding ways to educate our children and loved ones. Finding ways to be there for our children. For the children of others.

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How Four Words Can Hurt

Four words.

You're surely questioning what they could be.

Four words?

I HATE YOU?

Nope. Only three.

You suck?

Two.

I ... wha-? ... okay, give up yet?

I don't see color.

I don't see color.

People say this constantly.

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5 Steps To Protect Your Mental Health In Today's Political Climate

Everyone knows we have a new President.

Now, whether or not you're a fan of his, you're bound to find yourself wrapped up in so much political discussion pretty much every-freaking-where you look.

Social media? Yes.

Turn on the television? Yep.

Online news sources? Mmmmn-hmmmn.

So. What to do to protect yourself from all of this exposure, coverage and chatter?

Take these steps. They won't guarantee you clarity, peace of mind, or give you all the answers, but they will help you find some quiet and give you moments of thoughts that are less rushed, less stressed and just, simply, less.

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Talking To Our Children

On this day before the inauguration, I have decided to share these words I've been sitting on all week. It's been a trying week. A week of emotional and exhausting news. A week where we find ourselves worried about what the future holds, and what tomorrow brings - for our children - most of all.

It's been a week where I reread my own words over and over and found them lacking. And still, a week where I kept speaking. About education. Fear. Grizzly bears (I had to). And Girl Scouts.

It's a week where we should be proudly selling cookies in our area. A week where we should be celebrating the end of an era and the start of a new one in our country. And a week where we should be uplifted in hope.

But it is a week where we will be wrapping things up with a march. Across our country I see friends and loved ones gearing up. With signs. Without. A week where I think - I've got the right people in my life - in so many ways.

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Living With Heartache

Sometimes I forget that this is my space.

I think too much and too hard and forget that I can write whatever I want here.

And so, sometimes I take to social media and share thoughts with friends and then think, oh, I could totally share that with my readers. because I hope that my readers are people like me. people with heart. people who feel pain. people who know and see and believe.

Today I posted on Facebook about the four young lives lost in Israel. The four children. Babies, practically. 20. 20. 22. 20.

What? How? Impossible.

And so I decided to share this here. Because this IS my space and because I will not live in fear of raising my voice. About Israel. About the United States. About anywhere.

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For Whom Do You Weep?

I sit here at my laptop, tears streaming down my face as I listen to the Hamilton Mixtape.

I weep. Openly. Loudly.

I sob.

Yes. Sob.

I try, every single day, I try to look for the silver linings.

And then - yesterday - we learn about some of the soon-to-be appointed staff members of our President-elect. And dear G-d. I'm terrified.

TERRIFIED.

My friends, my people, I know, you look at me and see a white woman. And that is fine. I am. That is who I am. But I am also a Jewish woman.

And while that is not the most visible of prejudices being shown around our country right now it's there. Damn it. It's THERE.

If you don't see it, please, look deeper. Look within yourselves. LOOK.

CAN YOU SEE IT NOW?

I stand with my friends of color who are struggling and fighting to be seen. I stand with my friends of mixed heritage who may pass (in their own words) as white, but feel the same hurt. The same pain. And I stand with my white friends as they band together to support the people in their lives who are visibly targeted. I STAND WITH YOU.

Can you see me? Will you stand with me, too?

Because right now - every day - but right now, more than ever, we're under scrutiny.

I am under the evil eye. And I won't sit by and let it happen. I won't. I can't.

CANNOT.

What do I do? How do I make it through this?

How do we stop this? It's so terrifying. Devastating. So damned sad.

I am here for you, my friends. I speak up.

Please remember me and mine. Please remember I'm here. And I'm being 100% honest with you right now. I'm scared. I've been scared for you. I've been scared for so many. And yes, I've been scared for myself, sure. As a woman I know fear. We all do. And watching the normalization of horrific behaviors of men towards women, perhaps even women towards other women? It's been awful. It has. And I know that my fears there, as a straight, married, white woman - I know they're not the same as what you feel. I know it. I accept it. I own it.

But goodness, can you see me? I'm afraid, too.

And I just needed to say so.

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