I've been kind of quiet around here lately.
It's not been my intention, but when things happen in my personal life I tend to put other things on hold to navigate through them. The blog becomes one of those things.
I'm not sure why I used that term. Maybe I'm growing out of blogging, but I doubt it.
I'm actually in the process of a much needed redesign. I'm close to having it completed but - alas - life has gotten in the way.
How dare it do so, right?
How dare life be what stops me from writing as much as I normally would.
But sometimes things are not meant to be shared in a space of public consumption.
Sometimes you have to respect all parties and people involved enough to know when to say when.
I'm very open and honest here in my space.
My space. Huh. Makes sense how that old environment came up with its name, doesn't it? [I'm just a little bit too young for myspace - so my aha! moment just there is not that many years a'comin'.]
Anyway. I'm open. Honest. Real. Sometimes raw.
I speak personally about my life, my emotions, my love and my loss. My losses.
I've grieved openly and honestly about so many things I've lived through.
I've written and shared pieces from inside my deepest self.
I've used this space as therapy in some ways. I've used it to share what I needed to share and determined that whether or not people responded was fine.
I've used it to evaluate my worth. Numbers. Statistics. Like those on the scale, I've measured and counted and watched and thought long and hard about whether or not they mattered.
And they do. Even if they don't. Or they don't. Even if they do.
But either way, this space remains.
And I return to it now - with hopes that I'll continue to use it in ways that I enjoy.
As openly or as honestly as I'd like, yes. But with respect to those around me.
As a mother (many of my readers are mothers, so you know and understand this if you are a writer yourself) I share my words with my daughter in mind.
I respect things she experiences and I watch her grow and flourish and I continue to work with her on the things that she lives through, things that we, as family, live through. And I continue to teach her and learn from her.
She is my heart. My heart outside my body. And so it goes.
Motherhood is meant to be the kind of experience where you literally have your heart walking around outside your body as you watch it grow, flourish and fly.
And so it goes. That is what I'll watch and support. Breathe deeply and live through. And some of that I'll share with all of you. From my perspective. As a mom. And from my perspective. As a person. And none of that will change, for what I need to ensure is that I share of me for you. Because I think that's what you're here for. And that's why you stick around. And that's why you and I? We're connected. Friends, even. Because as the seasons change we still find ways to share. And that - to me - is what blogging is all about.