It's a new year and I haven't been here in a week or so.
I'm not sure what's kept me away. It's a combination of working a bit, and trying to write and get my words out there - in other places - but I'm not really doing that, either.
I had made a small goal for the month of January where I would find myself posting about 4x a week. And that's not really happening. So - where have I been?
I don't know.
Where have you been?
What have you been up to?
Sometimes I write and start a post and then stop.
Like my brain just has nothing left to say.
What's your goal for 2016?
I think it's a good idea to set goals, not so much resolutions, necessarily, but goals. Things you'd like to achieve, that you put your efforts into DOING. Resolutions always seem like things you won't be doing - like stop eating crap and stop watching reality TV or whatever.
Lose weight. That's been a so-called resolution of mine for years and years and years.
I think in recent years I decided that that wouldn't be one anymore.
And look what happened in 2015.
I actually lost weight. I found a method of eating that worked for me and the pounds came off.
And so, in 2016 I started the new year off with that plan again, and I'm almost halfway in and I'm trucking along. And I'm trying to work out more - and of course I got out there yesterday and then today woke up w. a nasty sore throat and I'm not happy. Because that's UNACCEPTABLE.
You hear me?
Resolutions of years past were scribbled in spiral notebooks after midnight. My childlike handwriting saying the same thing. How many years did I spend thinking I needed to lose weight? How many years did I wish to be skinny?
How many years did I look at that page - in that tattered book - and think, well, I failed again ...?
So so many.
Every year I let myself down. Or I set myself up.
Why? Why did I do that to myself?
I would never let or want my daughter to do that to herself. I go above and beyond and out of my way to ensure that it's not something she experiences or feels.
It's so hard - this parenting thing. Parenting a daughter when you've been there. When you know. When will these thoughts start creeping in? Have they already? *Sometimes they have.*
How do I stop them? What can I do?
Maybe that's my goal for the new year. To keep my daughter healthy and her mind and body strong. And to ensure that she's safe from the voices and the resolutions. To protect her from those few little words. To show her she's beautiful and smart and incredible and that she needs to be herself, always. And that I love her. I love her for who she is.
Resolutions aside, why set ourselves up for hurt in any way?
I know I do it to myself. What about you? How do you try not to set yourself up for failure? I'm not saying don't take chances, not by ANY means. I'm saying, how do you watch out for the things you know will hurt you and you need to redirect yourself around them somehow?
Ah. And so - here I am.
Writing. Again. And thinking. Again.
And stuck. A little. Again.