Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Why I Don't Make Resolutions.

It's a new year and I haven't been here in a week or so.

I'm not sure what's kept me away. It's a combination of working a bit, and trying to write and get my words out there - in other places - but I'm not really doing that, either.

I had made a small goal for the month of January where I would find myself posting about 4x a week. And that's not really happening. So - where have I been?

I don't know.

Where have you been?

What have you been up to?

Sometimes I write and start a post and then stop.

Pause.

Like my brain just has nothing left to say.

What's your goal for 2016?

I think it's a good idea to set goals, not so much resolutions, necessarily, but goals. Things you'd like to achieve, that you put your efforts into DOING. Resolutions always seem like things you won't be doing - like stop eating crap and stop watching reality TV or whatever.

Lose weight. That's been a so-called resolution of mine for years and years and years.

And yet.

I think in recent years I decided that that wouldn't be one anymore.

And look what happened in 2015.

I actually lost weight. I found a method of eating that worked for me and the pounds came off.

And so, in 2016 I started the new year off with that plan again, and I'm almost halfway in and I'm trucking along. And I'm trying to work out more - and of course I got out there yesterday and then today woke up w. a nasty sore throat and I'm not happy. Because that's UNACCEPTABLE.

You hear me?

Resolutions of years past were scribbled in spiral notebooks after midnight. My childlike handwriting saying the same thing. How many years did I spend thinking I needed to lose weight? How many years did I wish to be skinny?

How many years did I look at that page - in that tattered book - and think, well, I failed again ...?

So so many.

Every year I let myself down. Or I set myself up.

Why? Why did I do that to myself?

I would never let or want my daughter to do that to herself. I go above and beyond and out of my way to ensure that it's not something she experiences or feels.

It's so hard - this parenting thing. Parenting a daughter when you've been there. When you know. When will these thoughts start creeping in? Have they already? *Sometimes they have.*

How do I stop them? What can I do?

Maybe that's my goal for the new year. To keep my daughter healthy and her mind and body strong. And to ensure that she's safe from the voices and the resolutions. To protect her from those few little words. To show her she's beautiful and smart and incredible and that she needs to be herself, always. And that I love her. I love her for who she is.

Resolutions aside, why set ourselves up for hurt in any way?

I know I do it to myself. What about you? How do you try not to set yourself up for failure? I'm not saying don't take chances, not by ANY means. I'm saying, how do you watch out for the things you know will hurt you and you need to redirect yourself around them somehow?

Ah. And so - here I am.

Writing. Again. And thinking. Again.

And stuck. A little. Again.

5 comments:

Beth Havey@Boomer Highway said...

Everyone has to do life their own way. You probably are making some resolutions just in the small ways that you do things. They don't have to be formal, just your change your mind. Good luck with writing and reading, which I'm sure are important to you. You don't need much more!

Karen Shatafian said...

Love this! Beautiful and honest and shows your sweet mommy love for your baby! I am with you-I think sometimes we set ourselves up for failure with the pressure to change. I am in love with baby steps. I set my goals and take baby steps and guess what? I still get where I'm going eventually. And if I don't . . . I wasn't meant to be there! Thank you for sharing! :)

Katy Kozee said...

I hear you about talking to ourselves in ways we'd never speak to our children or let anyone else talk to them either. You should have heard me last night telling myself how awful my photos for my blog post were. I guess the secret is to just keep on keeping on and to celebrate the successes. I've really enjoyed seeing your happiness at your walks every day. It's been really inspirational to me! And it's been really cold here is Ga so I know it must be even colder in NC so it's ok to miss a day! Hope you feel better soon and I'm sure your blogging mojo will return soon if it hasn't already.

Carolann said...

I recently read that making resolutions is actually really bad for you to do. There is a huge percentage of folks that fail at them and that has to be for a reason. I think I much prefer to set one goal at a time and focus on it that way. You are not alone! What you described happens to us all.

Janice Wald said...

Hi Andrea,
I know Katy and Carolann.
I am also from New York. Funny how you and I both have posts about achieving our goals on our sites today.
Thank you for coming by and visiting my blog and your comments.
Janice

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