Chanukah and Christmas have both passed.
I'm unsure of how I feel about the holidays coming and going as quickly as they seem to have.
I didn't really write this year. I'm not sharing as much.
Last year was the first holiday season without my dad.
This year it sucks just as bad, I just haven't had the words to share.
Not enough of a thought process to say what I want to say.
It's rough. It's life.
It is what it is - the stupidest saying of ever - you know?
Loss is impossible to bear. It doesn't go away.
It doesn't really get easier.
MAYBE I feel it in less powerful bursts throughout the year. Maybe not.
You never stop grieving when you lose someone you love, and that's 100% okay.
You still live, and that, too, is 100% okay.
But man, living? It hurts. It hurts and stings right in the gut and the heart when the person you love is gone. Forever.
How to go on living and enjoying the many blessings there are out in the world?
How to just breathe and do?
How to remind others to do the same?
I have no effing clue.
I just try anyway.
I ache. I hurt. I cry. I miss him.
And then I keep on going.
Because I have to.
We have to.
I have to remind my mom and my brother and my daughter and my niece - I have to set a great example of how it's perfectly okay to cry and miss him AND live and laugh, too.
I have to because I should, ya know?
I need to.
He'd want me to.
I know he DOES want me to.
But it still hurts. Aches. Stings.
And I miss him.
So much for not really writing about my dad today.
I think he knew it was coming. I think he feels me, like I feel him and carry him in my heart.