Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Why I Shared the Dove Video.

I'm one of those people who shared this video from Dove yesterday.

And I'm one of the people who loved it.

Then today I saw several of my friends share this post on my Facebook news feed:

Why Dove's Real Beauty Video Makes Me ...

And I get it.

Some of it.

But I don't agree.

First of all, I'm confused and I truly think we were watching different videos.

We were feeling different videos, at the very least.

This article stresses that the focus was on white women. White, blonde, thin women.

That's not what I saw.

I saw women of different skin color, different hair color, different body types, and different personalities. And I saw them see themselves a certain way.

And then I saw the way they were depicted after strangers met them and described them.

And what I saw? What I heard and what I felt? Was that their true beauty, their personalities and the way that they are? Shines through.

I look in the mirror and see my blemishes.

My friends tell me I have flawless skin.

I see the laugh lines around my eyes.

My daughter loves my laugh.

I see my weight, front and center.

People who meet me? They see me as me.

And sometimes after I realize what others see? I can see it, too.

I can look again and see my father's cheeks. High. Round.

Cheeks that pop and make my eyes crinkle when I smile.

I can see the freckles that might spatter across my nose when the sun shines.

The blonde that shows up in my hair on a random July day.

I see a stomach that held a baby. Breasts that nourished her.

Thighs that stand strong. That help me learn to run.

These people who meet me might not see all of these things. And they might never say what they do or don't see. But for certain they see the beauty that is me. The beauty that shines from within.

Because that beauty makes me who I am.

And that is what I believe Dove is reminding us here.

I believe Dove is saying that, freckled or not, tall or short, thin or heavy, blonde, brunette, redhead ... we are who we are. And sometimes we need to stop and remind ourselves to stop focusing on those flaws we think we see. The ones we feel are automatically there. Front and center.

And remind ourselves that the person we're just meeting? We're not introducing them to the girl who sat in the corner at the college mixer, or the one who puts herself last. We're not that girl who measures everything about herself against the numbers on a scale.

We're showing them the woman who looks out for herself.

We don't need to be that girl anymore. We need to be ourselves and truly know it and feel it and show it and recognize it and see what other people see.

And THAT is what this video was saying to me.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe someone else is. I just needed to get this out there. I needed to Pour My Heart Out tonight. Just because.

* I was not in any way compensated by Dove for this post. At all. But if they want a blogger to work for them I'd be more than happy to take their call. 


  1. I saw the video yesterday and I loved it. To me the point was that we judge ourselves so harshly and we should try to see ourselves through another eyes or to be as kind to ourselves as we would to another, instead of focusing on our flaws.

    I only saw that post talking negatively about it by clicking on the link in your post and I don't agree with it either. I suppose if we want to knit-pick every little thing... but I think it's better to just look at the overall intent rather than pick it apart- b/c flaws can be found with anything when it's looked at under a microscope like that.

  2. I only saw one link to this video today, the only one I've seen until your post. I happen to think that this video is great! I don't think I have seen a Dove commercial or advertisement that I haven't liked. I love the "real" woman that they use instead of thin little models. So GO DOVE!

  3. I just saw the video today and I LOVED it and completely agree with your perspective and "rebuttal." You and I got the same things out of it.

    Like Shell, I only became aware of the controversy by clicking on your link and like you, I disagree. Unlike you, I really don't get it. While I respect the author's right to her opinion, I think she is reaching... looking for issues where there aren't any....

  4. Love, love, LOVE this post - you've summed up every thing I've been thinking about this brou ha ha (and yes, that's what I consider it: I saw - and took - the video the exact same way you and the other ladies who have commented did).


  5. I don't think there is a controversy, but I did prefer the rebuttal to the dove. :)

  6. I missed the video and had no idea there was a controversy but just watched it and read the rebuttal.

    Hmmmm...I totally got that that we are our own harshest critics and that does affect our happiness. We should be as kind in appraising ourselves as we would be in appraising others. All points well taken.

    But I do understand some of the points in the rebuttal--especially these two.

    Thin was used several times as a positive factor when the stranger described portraits were drawn...but what if you actually *do* have a face as round as one of the self described portraits suggests?

    I will say, I did cringe when the woman stated that your perceived beauty determined so much of your life--the jobs you apply for and how you feel about yourself. That irritates me A LOT because nobody tells boys their beauty or looks determines their fate. It's their drive and ambition. It's how hard they work and their intelligence. Yeah, that actually did bother me a great deal. But sort of thing is a pet peeve of mine so it stands out to me. --Lisa

  7. I liked the video. I really LOVED what you said here. It is a good thing to step back and recognize the beauty that other people see in us.

  8. I completely agree with you about the commercial. It demonstrated its point very well.

    Can negative messages be taken from it? Sure. But that is with everything!

    I think the rebuttal misses the point. The fact that good looking people were shown is part of the point - it demonstrates that even those who are typically regarded as having natural beauty focus on their flaws. The blogger thinks the commercial is meant to show that the definition of beauty is broader than we think - that's not it, though. The message is that there is a disconnect between how we see ourselves and how others see us. Those are different things.

  9. I saw the video and loved it and shared it and I feel like people are always trying to see negative in something. No matter how innocent, how well intended, someone will see it and think its just marketing. It's just people trying to make profit or take advantage of your nativitee. But fine. I rather be naive. I rather be hopeful and positive, I rather see that video not as a marketing campaign but as truth. As truth for the real beauty that lies within us. Yes, when I look at myself I see my stomach. I see it protrude out of my clothes. I see my face agitated and irritated under my makeup. I see my hair thin and frizzy. But I don't think that's what others see. And even if they do. It's not what matter. What matters is that I'm beautiful within and I know it. And who cares if it's a company or a doctor or a loved one that tell us. Its that we believe it that matters.

  10. I get what you're saying. I agree that we tend to focus on all the negative aspects of ourselves...
    But Dove?
    Isn't changing a single thing.
    The harder they push to make us realize that we are who we are and are beautiful...the media shoves another skinny perfect woman in our faces.
    The media will never change. It will continue to encourage eating disorders and self hate.
    It's sad.

  11. I like that "we are who we are." As you know, I have my own perceptions of myself but I'm so much better than I used to be.

    In you I see an open, friendly face, which is so beautiful. I swear I smile every time I see your picture.

    (Also, I love laugh lines. Lines around the eyes are one of my favourite things. Seriously.)


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