Every single week I step on the scale.
It's only fairly new that I'm able to do so without being addicted to it.
Fairly for me is in recent years. I am allowed to say it's new - despite it being "years" because I spent many a year or two or more despising my scale. And yet ... overly attracted to it.
If it was in plain sight I had to step on it.
Don't you know how that goes?
The way you see it. Peeking out at you from behind the toilet, or wherever you slid it to keep it *safe*?
Cabinets were not enough. I'd find myself reaching in there for something and figure - why not? Let's give it a go.
I know many people (let's face it, women) step on theirs daily. Sometimes several times a day. I don't advise that, but if it works for you, so be it. More power to you. Or not. Whatever works works. I know. But I've found what works for me.
I cannot be that person who has a daily interaction with my scale. It's too intense. Too overwhelming. Too relevant should I happen to do that. Even weekly can sometimes be too much.
In fact, I didn't even OWN a scale until a few years ago when my Mommies group started an annual Biggest Loser contest. Biggest Loser-type, I should say. And that first year I lost ten pounds. I weighed in weekly, but I feared that the relationship would resurface. I hesitated for worry of becoming co-dependent. I would not let that happen to me again.
I'm proud to say it hasn't.
But I am writing because I stepped on my scale this morning (Saturday) and decided I absolutely had to share with you all my current relationship. It's almost funny, but it has to be this way. It's just how I do what I do.
Weigh in day. Whenever that happens to be. Saturday or Sunday or Monday. Depending on what I've been eating or doing in the previous days. I'm not foolish. I know Chinese food makes me retain water and will pump me up a few pounds. And so I won't do it. So there.
Go to the bathroom. Of course you have to do that. Twice if you can.
Pull scale out of the closet it lives in. Hides in.
Place scale down on the EXACT SAME SQUARE OF TILE EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Did you not hear me? I'll repeat - I kid - I won't repeat. Just go re-read it. It's in caps especially for you. Stop skimming. This is legit.
Take off all your clothes. Including jewelry and hair-ties. Every tenth of a pound counts.
Step on scale. Register number xxx.
Step off scale. Is there that lovely error message flashing? Either way, you need to step on again and see if it's the same. Step on. *xxx. It's the same. You're good.
Step off and go about your day.
*xxy - - wait. What? It's not the same. Damn it.
Step off, wait for it to re-set and step back on again.
*xxz. Who the hell are you scale? What is your problem?
Off. On again.
Oh, yay. You're coming to your senses. I don't care if xxx is more than xxy, honestly. I just care that the same number shows up at least twice. If it's consecutive, even better.
One more time.
Hallelujah. We're good.
Step off and go about your day.
Come on - it can't just be me - right? Please tell me someone else out there is just as anal.
And to end this note, I came across this image on Pinterest yesterday and it was a favorite for me for many years. One that made the email forwarding circuit long before the days of Pinterest, Twitter and social networking. I'm not sure where it came from originally, like 900 years ago, but for now I traced it back to here.
p.s. Small notation so I don't lose track - I somehow managed to get rid of 1.2 pounds this past week. I do not say lose, as I have no intention of ever finding them again. A-to-the-women!