Saturday, March 3, 2012

My relationship with my scale

Every single week I step on the scale.

It's only fairly new that I'm able to do so without being addicted to it.

Fairly for me is in recent years. I am allowed to say it's new - despite it being "years" because I spent many a year or two or more despising my scale. And yet ... overly attracted to it.

If it was in plain sight I had to step on it.

Don't you know how that goes?

The way you see it. Peeking out at you from behind the toilet, or wherever you slid it to keep it *safe*?

Cabinets were not enough. I'd find myself reaching in there for something and figure - why not? Let's give it a go.

I know many people (let's face it, women) step on theirs daily. Sometimes several times a day. I don't advise that, but if it works for you, so be it. More power to you. Or not. Whatever works works. I know. But I've found what works for me.

I cannot be that person who has a daily interaction with my scale. It's too intense. Too overwhelming. Too relevant should I happen to do that. Even weekly can sometimes be too much.

In fact, I didn't even OWN a scale until a few years ago when my Mommies group started an annual Biggest Loser contest. Biggest Loser-type, I should say. And that first year I lost ten pounds. I weighed in weekly, but I feared that the relationship would resurface. I hesitated for worry of becoming co-dependent. I would not let that happen to me again.

I'm proud to say it hasn't.

But I am writing because I stepped on my scale this morning (Saturday) and decided I absolutely had to share with you all my current relationship. It's almost funny, but it has to be this way. It's just how I do what I do.

Weigh in day. Whenever that happens to be. Saturday or Sunday or Monday. Depending on what I've been eating or doing in the previous days. I'm not foolish. I know Chinese food makes me retain water and will pump me up a few pounds. And so I won't do it. So there.

Go to the bathroom. Of course you have to do that. Twice if you can.

Pull scale out of the closet it lives in. Hides in.

Place scale down on the EXACT SAME SQUARE OF TILE EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Did you not hear me? I'll repeat - I kid - I won't repeat. Just go re-read it. It's in caps especially for you. Stop skimming. This is legit.

Take off all your clothes. Including jewelry and hair-ties. Every tenth of a pound counts.

Step on scale. Register number xxx.

Step off scale. Is there that lovely error message flashing? Either way, you need to step on again and see if it's the same. Step on. *xxx. It's the same. You're good.

Step off and go about your day.

*xxy - - wait. What? It's not the same. Damn it.

Step off, wait for it to re-set and step back on again.

*xxz. Who the hell are you scale? What is your problem?

Off. On again.

xxx.

Oh, yay. You're coming to your senses. I don't care if xxx is more than xxy, honestly. I just care that the same number shows up at least twice. If it's consecutive, even better.

One more time.

xxx.

Hallelujah. We're good.

Step off and go about your day.

Come on - it can't just be me - right? Please tell me someone else out there is just as anal.

Please?

And to end this note, I came across this image on Pinterest yesterday and it was a favorite for me for many years. One that made the email forwarding circuit long before the days of Pinterest, Twitter and social networking. I'm not sure where it came from originally, like 900 years ago, but for now I traced it back to here.


p.s. Small notation so I don't lose track - I somehow managed to get rid of 1.2 pounds this past week. I do not say lose, as I have no intention of ever finding them again. A-to-the-women!

15 comments:

Tina @ Mamas Like Me said...

Now that I'm pregnant again, I find myself stepping on the scale every day without fail! It's a battle with myself because I know that every pound up is a pound that will eventually have to come off - and will be much harder to get off than it was to put on :( I also find the need to weigh at the same time in the morning :)

Nicole said...

No you're not the only one, I actually step on my scale at least 5 times a week. However if I have been exercising a lot and not see it being reflected on the scale then I might miss a week or two. Yes, everything comes off for the weigh in, and my hair should be as dry as a tumbleweed blowing around in Arizona. I remember when I was on the other side of 100 and prayed to make it to this side; I wanted to be at least 110 lbs so that I could be a blood donor. I've passed 110 and now I'm wishing I could go back there. It also doesn't help that at my doctor's office they weigh me in every stitch of clothing and I'm always horrified by the number that is entered on my chart. After leaving that office I hurry home to get some relief and consolation from my scale, which without a doubt will register a figure that is lower than what is on my chart at the doctor's office.

Kimberly said...

Oh.my.fecking.lawd....I do the same thing. It has to be on the exact same tiles. I can't not go into the bathroom without it whispering "Come stand on me baby"...sigh. I really need to get rid of it ;)

Jessica Marks said...

I am rolling over the hair tie! I do the exact same thing! That hair tie can make or break it for me lol
WTG on the 1.2 pounds!

Kristy said...

I have to force myself to jump on. I usually only weigh on Thursday mornings, but I can skip weeks when I'm scared of the result! You know what I think is the WORST? Doctor's office scales. Awful.

masalachica.com said...

I wish I was more disciplined that you, andrea. I am actually one of those freaks who weighs myself daily. Aa a matter of fact, sometimes after I eat a large meal, I do it just to mess with my head and make me feel guilty I think.

WTF?

And I do the same thing - I put it on the same exact tile and I push it back exactly where it was because I don't want my husband to think i am crazy.

which he already knows, but maybe just not as crazy as I REALLY am.

Galit Breen said...

So totally and completely not just you! :)

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

You made me giggle! I have learned over the years that I weigh the least when I'm freshly dried from the shower... even if my hair is still wet! I'm not an every-dayer... couple times a week.

Bravo on the weight loss!

Jackie said...

I refuse to step on the scale because I am in complete denial of how much that xxx number really is.

Ignorance is bliss, right?

Patty @ A Day in My NYC said...

You described it perfectly :) Oh that scale is a tricky thing. I'm so glad you are weighing in weekly. I couldn't do daily either, so not for me. Congrats on the loss and keep up the great work!:)

Amy said...

I only move the square from its designated tile when I clean the floor, then it goes right back on the same spot. I step on it several times, like you, to get the same number at least twice. I do it buck naked, always in the morning, before the shower, and after I put my contacts in. The glasses might add a little extra. In short, you are not the only one.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

We're already in March and you're still doing this thing! Go you!

Shell said...

I have a very unhealthy relationship with the scale. I don't even have one now. I can weigh myself at the gym instead.

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

Yup. That's how I do it, alright. But then again, I am neurotic too.

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I sort of slide on my scale and slip off as the numbers come up.

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