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Wednesday, March 6, 2013

That girl.

Sometimes I feel like that girl.

The one who sat in a corner at parties back in my college days.

I feel left out. Confused. Unnoticed.

Like I'm not one who matters.

I admit it. It happens.

It stinks.

But it happens.

I go through the motions. I feel focused. I feel lost.

I feel split down the middle.

I watch others get chosen for things I've wanted.

And yes, this is admittedly coming on the heels of the Disney Social Media Moms chatter. It's not what truly triggered things for me, though. I'll be honest. I won't get into the what and the who, but sometimes I see someone chosen and say, why not me?

The Disney stuff is awesome. A bunch of my friends were chosen and I am delighted for them. Happy, really happy. Honest. I know, I sound like I'm faking it. I'm so not. I promise. It's okay, though. You don't have to believe me. They know. That's enough.

It just reminds me of who I am not.

Those other things. The things I really hoped for.

Put my all into asking for.

Those were big steps. The asking.

The throwing my name into the hat. Tossing it with all I had.

Hoping someone would see me.

Really SEE me.

And consider me the right person. The right candidate, as it was. The perfect fit.

But it fell short.

What I might hate most is when there are no *rejection letters* ... when did society become so cold as to skip over the 'No, thank you-s' we all grew so used to?

I suppose that there are way more PICK ME-s! than there used to be, but still. Wouldn't it be nice if someone just got back to you and said no? Said something like, we've decided to go in another direction?

Or ...

Thank you for your offer to volunteer at our conference, but our needs have been met at this time.

And maybe ...

Please consider trying again next year.

Simple pleasantries.

Even in the blogging world, they would be so incredibly amazing to see. Hear. Experience. Feel.

Because we're real people.

Those of us who throw our names out there and hope we'll be seen.

Heard.

Recognized.

And it stinks to feel forgotten.

Ignored.

But we move on.

At least I do.

I swallow the lump in my throat and congratulate the person who got the opportunity that I had dreamed about.

Or the person who winds up with the same chances again and again.

She works hard, too, I know.

I'm not jealous. Not really.

I just want to be seen, too.

I know there are so many chances out there and I just want those of us who don't get them to feel like we have a shot. Let the other ones share some of the wealth.

That sounds wrong. And rude. But sometimes I wonder what's so special about someone else and not me?

But like I said, I do move on.

And I remember the friends I DO have,

and the connections I've made,

and I say to myself, it's my turn ...

So now what?

** Linking up today with Pour Your Heart Out.

37 comments:

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

I get this... I so get it.. it's probably why you and I bond so well even though we see each other so little. I get it in the blog world where the choice to be anonymous keeps me from truly forming those friendships I see others forming. I get it in real like where I constantly compare myself to others and feel the damage I do to myself when I feel I don't measure up. I just get it! (((HUGS))) to you girl!

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I deal with this too. It is hard to work hard on what you think is important for you and your readers and not have it be what others are looking for.

I am thankful for the opportunities I have been given. I don't mean to sound like I haven't been given some, but I do wonder if I should be doing something more.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I know, sometimes I'm surprised by company's choices, but what can you do? I'm sorry you didn't get this opportunity. We all know you would've been excellent for it :-) I'm still waiting for Novica to notice me, LOL.

Tracie Nall said...

I get this. So so much.

The desire to be seen. Not ignored and passed over once again.

And I completely agree about the "rejection letters" - they should send you something to let you know, so you aren't just sitting there staring at your inbox waiting for something to appear.

story girl said...

I hear you. This is so valid and real, and I have so been there. Am there. Hugs!

Natalie said...

I get this so very much. Blissdom is coming up and every one of my friends were chosen for Community Leaders and some obtained sponsors, while I got nothing. It's especially hard to not ask, "why me" when even first time attendees were chosen and I wasn't.

I'm trying hard not to wallow. I swear. It's just hard.

nichole said...

I hear you.

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

oh sweetie, I get it, I really do. I feel like that at times too, and it feels so unfair, especially because we don't all have the same opportunities. I know :-(

And I agree about the "Sorry you weren't chosen" letters. Even if it's a form letter where all that changes is the name and address, it still would be the polite thing to do, to thank people for entering and paying attention to your contest or whatever. Totally.

Kimberly said...

I totally connected with this. I gottcha girl. xo

tranquilamama said...

Andrea, I hear you. I understand this feeling only too well. Hugs.

The Dose of Reality said...

Oh, yes. We have so many conversations about JUST THIS TOPIC. We are thankful for the opportunities we've had, and we are genuinely happy for our friends when they have exciting things happen, but it's hard not to think "why not me" for the opportunities that got away (or that we never even knew about until it was all over).

We all do want to be recognized and not feel forgotten in the corner.

As usual, you put it just right. You are not alone. --The Dose Girls

PS. any organization would be foolish not to select you for...anything. You and your writing are just. that. awesome.

Lisa said...

I understand this post so much. I got a little choked up reading it. It's hard to blog, and put yourself out there, especially if you're not the squeaky wheel. I see people getting amazing opportunities every day, and sometimes it gets me down, because honestly I haven't even figured out how to get people to read or find my blog.(Pathetic, I know). Every day feels like junior high all over again. But then I focus on the real, deep down reason I am doing this: I love to write. So I'll keep going.

Lacey_Renea said...

Oh, Andrea, I totally get this! I think so many of us do! It's really easy to feel like you aren't good enough when you don't get something you had really hoped for. This happens to me more often that I'd like to admit. You know what though? When something else comes through, it always makes me so giddy and I feel so special because someone picked me!

I'm sure it's never anything personal, you aren't "that girl." You've just got something better coming!

XO
Lacey @ CHARM + Sass

crazyasnormal.com said...

get it.

totally.

and i see you.

from the other corner.

and with the rest of the commenters, we all become these girls.

so we get together and suddenly we are an eclectic group of fabulous with a side of awesome sauce. :)

Anonymous said...

I won't lie. I was jealous as shit when I saw other people get chosen. I also won't lie that I think my blog is better than some of theirs.

I do wish I knew what the decision parameters were - it's hard to compete when you have no idea what they are looking for.

Anyway, I agree. There are so, so many of us blogging, and we all bringing something different to the table. It's hard to stand out sometimes in this new media market. I feel like I'm constantly floundering and wonder at least once a week what I'm doing with my blog.

However, when I look at all of the opportunities and good times and some money I've gotten in the past 18 months or so I think I must be doing something right. But not right enough to get chosen for that, I guess.

Amy @HoneyBadgerRuns said...

Ugh, I'm so sorry you are down and feeling left out. Like others who have commented, I understand that feeling so well, and it's just not nice to feel like an outsider. Chin up! Oh, and your post about polite replies have reminded me to reply to your fb message. Oops *blush* Sorry! I'm off to reply now!

Shell said...

I'm so sorry you are feeling left out.

I have to remind myself that for every opportunity, there are SO MANY people who want it.

Like DisneySMMoms. I would pretty much do anything to get an invite. It's probably shameful the things I would do to get to go. But I didn't get an invite.

And even though there really was no real reason for me to think I would get one, I still felt disappointment that I didn't. Just because I wanted it so badly.

But then I try to remind myself of how many others there are who wanted the same thing and just how few are chosen.

Truth- it still hurts, but it does make me feel slightly better to think of the odds

AnnMarie said...

I've been blogging for about two years and I totally get this and have felt it. I'm nowhere near ready for some of the opportunities that you are speaking of but I feel it with pageviews or comments. I'm sorry that you didn't get chosen and that they didn't have the courtesy to let you down in a more positive way. That does suck. Just wanted you to know that you can add me to the women that have told you that you are not alone. Visiting from PYHO.

Heather said...

It's crazy the way people are chosen for opportunities. Sometimes I truly feel like they are picking names out of a hat. Honestly I would feel better if I knew they were picking names out of a hat! ;)

I get you.

And yes when did not sending "no thank you" letters become the norm?

Lydia B. said...

OH MY GOD. I totally feel this way, too. I read something similar this year from Jill Smokler at Scary Mommy. I was like "SAY WHAAAAT?" I mean from her? To me, she is MISS THING. And yet she feels it, too and is honest enough to write about it. God bless her and GOD BLESS YOU. Thank you for sharing what we all feel. I think someday it will be you. And I think we ALL have to brainstorm new and more meaningful ways to benchmark how we're doing. Because while some if it matters, a lot of just doesn't. So I'm working hard at actively not giving a fuck. But its kind of hard some days.

You're a good writer and this post is awesome. So you win.

Alison said...

Andrea, I get this. I really do. Some days, it's hard to swallow and move on, and it's totally okay to ask, Why not me?

I'm sorry you feel this way. Just know you're not alone. Also? I am 100% with you on the "no thanks" note. It only takes a minute to do that, but it makes a huge difference. It irks me so much that people/ companies choose not to take that time.

Family Travels on a Budget said...

Wow! Great post. I'm right there with you. A success here and there, and I wonder why everything doesn't go my way. Rejection by silence... OUCH! That hurts. You are not rejected today! :) Great post. Honest. And oh so true for all of us, even those who appear successful. They just might not admit it.

Laura O'Rourke said...

As a Canadian blogger, there was one specific opportunity that I was left out of. Even though the opportunity might not have even been something I wanted, it was hard to see "We chose the 100 best Mom blogs in Canada" and know I wasn't contacted.

These things sting. I think it stings extra hard because we pour our heart and soul into blogging. And it isn't actually easy. We want to be seen and heard and acknowledged.

I see you. I hear you.

Patty said...

One campaign or conference does not define you as a blogger. I don't know much about this Disney thing but it's really hard to get into. It's disappointed a lot of my bloggers friends who didn't make the cut but maybe you will down the road. Remember how wonderful your blog is and what it truly stand for. It will pay off! Believe it :)

Tanya @ Mom's Small Victories said...

I'm sorry you weren't chosen. I've been "that girl" plenty of times in social situations. And i know it hurts. I wish they'd have sent you a letter as well. I know how hard it is to blog, put your heart and mind online, grow your readership and get chosen for these prime opportunities.

Although I've been blogging for over a year, I still feel like a novice in the blogosphere. I look at blogs like yours and am in awe of the way you write, concisely, heartfelt and witty. You have a great range of topics and I celebrate with you your sponsorships and book tours that you do get. Cause I know I'm not to that point. So you know, some of us appreciate what you bring to the blogging community, even if Disney hasn't recognized it....yet. Keep up the good work Andrea, and try again next time! Hopefully another window of opportunity is waiting just around the corner for you.

Keely said...

I SO hear you on the lack of response. Everything has become so spammy, mass-emailed...and cold. BRING BACK REAL COMMUNICATION.

Xiomara | Equis Place said...

Andrea, you are totally reaching out to many people who feel the same way, including me. The same thing just happened to me with a friend who was chosen for an opportunity I really wanted. I know I could do as good a job, and I wish we were there together. It's so hard when we want our talents and abilities to be recognized, and we don't get that. But just so you know, your readers are here for you and loving every post you put up. Your words matter. You matter. Thank you for everything you do.

Adrienne said...

Andrea, I get this. I do! I have had my hopes up for many opportunities, especially blog conferences and trips that just haven't found their way to me yet. It can be discouraging, but we have to keep trudging along. I just rest in knowing that God's timing on these things is not the same as mine. I want to get to a conference SO bad, but at this stage in life that ticket/trip must come in the form of an opportunity and not a debit in my checking account. I'm not quite sure how to make that happen, but one day it will or I'll just have the extra to make that kind of trip without my family. (hugs)
I can say, that there are companies out there that have respectfully declined me more than once, and those "we're sorry, but it's not your turn" emails have been so nice.

Even though, I didn't get this or that, how nice to be recognized with the dignity of a real "no thank you"! I always reply, saying, thanks for your email. Maybe next time! :)

((HUGS))

moosh in indy. said...

I've been thinking about your post all day and wishing I had an answer for you.
I've been at this for seven years and I still wonder why and how some things happen.
That being said, my most favorite quote (and the one I have hanging on my wall in the most obvious spot in my home) is "If you work really hard and are kind, amazing things will happen."
They really will.
You have an amazing supportive bunch of readers, I read through each and every comment and girl, what you have here is golden. So many "stuff" bloggers will never know the community you have here. The support, the friendship, and the kindness that can come from being honest with one another. I admire that you have such a thing, it so often seems to be a thing of the past...honest to goodness community.
Like Xiomara said above "You matter. Your words matter." Many bloggers will never hear those words in a lifetime despite how many trips, things and opportunities they get. You have gift, keep up with it and the amazing things will happen.
xo

Jeanine Tribley said...

Wow. This a tough one, sorry to hear.

However, hold you head up high as your time WILL come, it just was not meant to be "this time"

I have been through in my life countless rejections in jobs I wanted in Bermuda and Jamaica, some were the ones I thought "this is it" - but then not a call - how rude. However, in retrospect I learnt to let it all "be" as my time would come, and it always did.

I would end up with a much better offer, with much better pay - and then say "thank God I did not get that other job I cried about!!"

In the Blogging world, which I am new to - I see other's doing very well, and I say to myself - that is good, kudos to them, but my time to shine will come eventually, I am not "there" yet - but that is okay, I will spend this time making the blog bigger and better. Sometimes, our time to shine doesn't come when we want it, for a reason. Reasons you may not know, but will one day.

My advise - you are a good writer keep pushing, keep writing, keep building, and keep smiling with your head held high as your time is coming soon!!

All the best,

Jeanine

A Fabulous Life in Jamaica

MrsFun said...

I just want to reach through and hug you. I get this. We relocated to a city I hate and don't know a soul. I get the feeling of being invisible. hang in there.

Alena said...

I feel this a lot. It's hard seeing people get to experience things in life for no reason other than luck. It doesn't mean I am not happy for them, but I wonder what is keeping it from being me? We are all working so hard at our craft, at our jobs, at our life...it's hard to not look at the opportunities that we are getting passed up on and not feel like someone else is just luckier. It would be easier if there was just more of a reason than that.

Maria Bailey said...

As a professional who sits on both sides of the fence- a blogger and brand side- I felt really sad as I read this and many of the comments. It made me sad to think that so many moms take brand strategies personally. I am NOT talking about Disney here but brands in general. I've been in many meetings each month when brands sit and decide who gets invited to events or who gets paid for posting and rarely does it have anything to do with the criteria I watch moms blog about in posts like this one. Often it has to do with geography, age of her child, number of children, whether she is active on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or even Pinterest. It could be that her family likes cheese or popcorn or doesn't eat meat. Really. It gets that niche. I get wanting to be noticed. But often you are being noticed when you don't even know you are being noticed because it gets down to a numbers game- there are 15 million (conservatively) mom bloggers and in most cases brand trips/campaigns with invite lists of less than 100. I personally hate seeing women business owners get discouraged although I know from experience that it's in these moments that we can create our greatest opportunities because we either change the way we think, reinvent ourselves or we sit on the sideline be discouraged. I've been there but as I teach my children, I had to get up and figure out how to do it better, louder, more creatively than the next business owner.

Jamie said...

A link from Moosh sent me here and I'm glad I clicked.

A favorite friend of mine said this once and it's been on repeat for me ever since... "it's not that I'm saying 'why not me?' I'm really saying 'why not me too?'

Thank you for putting your heart out there.

Jamie said...

A link from Moosh sent me here and I'm glad I clicked.

A favorite friend of mine said this once and it's been on repeat for me ever since... "it's not that I'm saying 'why not me?' I'm really saying 'why not me too?'

Thank you for putting your heart out there.

Liz @ The Six Year Itch said...

I look at it this way: when we're too eager to be chosen, we're usually not. When we stop waiting to be picked, that's when we are. You're feelings are valid and it's incredibly hard to see others around you selected by Disney or whoever does the picking, but you're more than that. Right? I wasn't picked either -- just in case you were wondering.

I get it, but keep plugging along and investing in yourself.

Christine said...

I so so get this. All of it. I've been feeling a bit overlooked and left out lately as well. Like you said, genuinely happy for friends but also just wondering why not me? And I get it that it's not personal (on the brand side or whatever side) but it sure feels that way. For me, someone who is shy by nature, just getting out there and asking is such a big deal and such a huge step. I think that it definitely has to do with wanting to be seen and heard. Thank you for sharing this and so sorry that it took me so long to make my way here to read this post but I'm so glad that I did.