Sometimes I feel like that girl.
The one who sat in a corner at parties back in my college days.
I feel left out. Confused. Unnoticed.
Like I'm not one who matters.
I admit it. It happens.
But it happens.
I go through the motions. I feel focused. I feel lost.
I feel split down the middle.
I watch others get chosen for things I've wanted.
And yes, this is admittedly coming on the heels of the Disney Social Media Moms chatter. It's not what truly triggered things for me, though. I'll be honest. I won't get into the what and the who, but sometimes I see someone chosen and say, why not me?
The Disney stuff is awesome. A bunch of my friends were chosen and I am delighted for them. Happy, really happy. Honest. I know, I sound like I'm faking it. I'm so not. I promise. It's okay, though. You don't have to believe me. They know. That's enough.
It just reminds me of who I am not.
Those other things. The things I really hoped for.
Put my all into asking for.
Those were big steps. The asking.
The throwing my name into the hat. Tossing it with all I had.
Hoping someone would see me.
Really SEE me.
And consider me the right person. The right candidate, as it was. The perfect fit.
But it fell short.
What I might hate most is when there are no *rejection letters* ... when did society become so cold as to skip over the 'No, thank you-s' we all grew so used to?
I suppose that there are way more PICK ME-s! than there used to be, but still. Wouldn't it be nice if someone just got back to you and said no? Said something like, we've decided to go in another direction?
Thank you for your offer to volunteer at our conference, but our needs have been met at this time.
And maybe ...
Please consider trying again next year.
Even in the blogging world, they would be so incredibly amazing to see. Hear. Experience. Feel.
Because we're real people.
Those of us who throw our names out there and hope we'll be seen.
And it stinks to feel forgotten.
But we move on.
At least I do.
I swallow the lump in my throat and congratulate the person who got the opportunity that I had dreamed about.
Or the person who winds up with the same chances again and again.
She works hard, too, I know.
I'm not jealous. Not really.
I just want to be seen, too.
I know there are so many chances out there and I just want those of us who don't get them to feel like we have a shot. Let the other ones share some of the wealth.
That sounds wrong. And rude. But sometimes I wonder what's so special about someone else and not me?
But like I said, I do move on.
And I remember the friends I DO have,
and the connections I've made,
and I say to myself, it's my turn ...
So now what?
** Linking up today with Pour Your Heart Out.