So easy to overreact.
Child comes home from school and goes to finish the rest of the lunch I sent in with her.
I did the stupidest thing.
I trusted my five-year-old with a spoon.
Not just a plastic one - we were out of them. So I sent her in with a real spoon for her yogurt. And a kid-friendly spoon, but those are so-so.
Comes home. Opens her lunch bag.
Where the hell are the spoons?
Not only are they not there, but she proceeds to tell me it fell on the floor.
So she LEFT it there. LEFT IT.
What the hell?
Who is this kid? This is not the child I am raising. What is it that makes it make sense to either toss a real spoon into the trash and/or leave it on the FLOOR?
I'm ticked and I'm frustrated and I'm overreacting.
I can rationalize that much. I know I can.
I know it's ridiculous and I yelled and I shouldn't have and I walked away because I didn't want to yell but I am human and when I hear that a move like that was made with INTENT, whether or not she is five (yes, I know, she's five - but hear me out - at five we know we don't leave spoons on the floor or put them in the TRASH. The TRASH!) it grates at me.
I probably shouldn't hit publish here. But I am human. And sometimes I need to let it out. Is it wrong to blog about a stupid spoon or two? Or does it make me more real to my readers and explain that it's so easy to overreact, and assume our kids will make the right choices when we expect them to?
Because I did. Because you know what? I've sent her with spoons before. And they've returned home. As it should be. As they should. Because she knows better. So now what? I stew and she feels badly and we move on? Or I send her with foods that don't need a spoon? I was proud of today's random pairings for lunch. I work hard to give her variety and teach her right.
It doesn't help that she is honest with me, it just makes me more frustrated. And yes, please know I really and truly appreciate that my child tells me the truth. It DOES help. It IS critical. I am teaching her something and that makes me see I'm doing something right here. She's a good kid. I do know this. Why am I making excuses here? I know the words running through your minds. I do. I'd probably be saying them if this were not my experience. My post. My kid.
But really, how could she throw away a spoon? How do I re-teach her what I thought was expressed as common sense? Or can I? Do I? Words of wisdom from moms of older kids wanted ... but don't come down hard on me for losing my cool, please. Sometimes it's the way the day is going to go. All it takes is a small trigger, and though I was and am frustrated, I recognize my over-reaction, for sure. I'm just not quite ready to let it go yet.
p.s. This post is pretty perfect for Pour Your Heart Out, so I'm thinking I'll be linking up on Wednesday.