Thursday, May 5, 2011

I AM a Real Housewife

I was sitting here thinking to myself that I would possibly take the next few days off from blogging.

And then. Then I stumbled across Mama Kat's writer's workshop prompts for this week and I decided I had to play along. Because if there were ever a prompt I would want to respond to and have up for a few days, this, my friends, would be it:

** 10 reasons why you could not be a real housewife from any county.

Bwahahaha! How perfect is that, right?

So, here you have it. Here are the reasons why I cannot be a Real Housewife ...
on Bravo!

#10. I could never, EVER wear this:

Because pink? Pink is totally NOT my color. (Yeah, that's my reason and I'm sticking to it.)

#9. I don't walk around the house in heels. Why? Because I just don't. I don't have Barbie feet that are permanently set to wear shoes that put my heels so far above my toes that I'm bound to wind up with foot problems in a few years. Been there - done that. No thanks.

#8. My dishes ... are NEVER done. I don't watch these shows, but I'm guessing (and totally stereotyping) that these ladies and their beautifully manicured fingernails never sit with their hands in a sink filled with dirty, grimy dishes.

#7. My laundry is never done, either. And my next guess is that they don't scrub at stains, or feel like they're living under a pile or two, or ten, of laundry. Dirty, clean, it doesn't matter. It's there. It's in our room, the child's room, the guest bedroom (that's where the clean stuff goes until, like today, my ILs are coming to visit for a few days) and so forth!

#6. I only have one home. All of these ladies seem to travel between their beach houses and their apartments and whatever other options exist for living arrangements. Me? Not so much. One home. Our house. It's littered with toys, papers and other necessary and unnecessary items daily.

#5.I cut coupons. And I use them. Seriously. Can you imagine any of these ladies doing THAT? GASP!

#4. I would never dress like this:

Yeah, sure, some aspects might be pretty. Like the shoes (see #9, though). And that aqua dress is kind of cute. But that silver one? And the hair? Negative.

#3. I have no reason whatsoever to wear the amount of jewelry these women wear on a daily basis. None. Nada.

#2. I don't "jet-set" anywhere. Our version of jet-setting is hopping into the Jeep as quickly as possible so we can make it to __________ on time. [Fill in the blank with one of the following: Doctor's appointment, start of a movie (rare), swimming lessons, or well, that's pretty much it!]

And the #1 reason I cannot be a Real Housewife on Bravo is ...

I have a four-year-old daughter and a menagerie of animals who would destroy my attempt at that in a heartbeat. Can you imagine my walking into or trying to walk out of my house in a dress like these women wear when I can't even put on a pair of black pants until I'm halfway out the door to avoid pet hair attaching itself to me? And I rarely wear earrings anymore because, well, I stopped when she was a baby and used to tug them out of my ears. And I can't wear bracelets because she steals them. OK, borrows, but STILL. So I'll skip these shows and enjoy reading great books about real moms who know what it's like to battle with laundry, dishes, potty-training and bedtime, and are surrounded with Goldfish cracker crumbs and crusty old sippy cups!

p.s. One extra reason I just had to add ... I have not and more than likely will not ever do a Playboy photo shoot. 'Nuff said.


  1. great reasons!
    i watch the real housewives of orange county for the entertainment value but think each time how UNREAL their lives are. wow.

    ps...enjoying looking through your blog, sorry i cant remember how i found you-ha!

  2. I really think the playboy shoot should be on your To-Do list. Its a good idea!

    I am loving number 10. Plus that girl just looks like Barbie anyway....

  3. Whoa wait...we're not supposed to wear heels when cleaning the house?
    What about a tiara?

  4. LOL! What, you wouldn't show up to a playdate in any of those outfits? Come on!!!

    FWIW, I think you'd look dynamite in that color blue on the left... like for a wedding or something!

  5. I with you on the laundry. I hate doing it. And don't think about asking me to iron anything. We can wear it until the wrinkles fall out. lol

  6. Hahahahahaha! See, I was ready to be a real housewife, until you reminded me about the Playboy photoshoot!


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