Wednesday, March 2, 2011

PYHO: What's on my mind

Some days I have 957 things on my mind. Other days I'd say it's just one.

What that one thing is and can be certainly varies from day to day.

But I have to confess, I don't go to sleep easily at night. I often have a case of the racing mind. You, too? Well, you can join me, then, as I share what my mind raced through last night as I tried to catch some ZZZs. And what may be the funniest thing of all is that this was on a good night. I actually got in bed at around 10 or so, played on the iPad, hung out on Twitter, and then by 11:30-ish I hit the wall. And then I started racing.

Too bad my body doesn't race this well. I'd have less to worry about if it did.

OK, so stay with me ... last night as I tried to shut my eyes I thought ...

I'm just
so tired. I seriously wish I would fall asleep faster. I know that the doctor gave me something to take if I really need it, but I have always heard iffy things about it so I'm kind of afraid. Plus, what if it knocks me out so badly that when hubby leaves for work in the AM I won't hear the child when she wakes up? I mean, I know that's probably unlikely but if I could just fall asleep I'd feel better, ya know?

And OMG, I checked my email before bed and I am officially volunteering at TypeAConference! I'm shocked, thrilled, and holy crap, I have no idea how I am going to get there, or where I am going to stay. I need a roommate. Do I even know anyone going? Wow. I'm going to feel like a total loner. Maybe I should turn down the offer? But no, I totally WANT to go, and I want to volunteer as I have heard the most amazing things about this event and it would be the coolest thing ever to be able to be a part of it. Crap. I'm still going to totally freak out. Anyone I know going -- I think there are some people locally. I have to start asking now. Whew. I can't breathe.

No, I really can't breathe. It's not just anxiety, I seriously am unable to breathe through my nose. I think I have to go see an ENT. I mean, really. I think it's time. Either that or finally get to an allergist regularly. Or maybe actually find an acupuncturist here in NC. I miss Julie. She was my acupuncture-girl in NYC. That was like 5+ years ago, so what the hell am I doing thinking of her now? I know she'd kick this crap and gunk out of my nose and sinuses big time. Damn, I wish I could zap myself there in an instant. Although I wonder if she is still practicing in NYC. Sigh. She's probably in NJ by now.

I really need to call my friend Dawn. I never called on Feb. 4th for her son's birthday, and I have been thinking of her since then. I also wonder if my friend in California had her baby. I haven't spoken to her since I found out she was 4 months pregnant and that was months ago. I keep having bad feelings about it so I left her a message the other night and didn't even say anything because what if something went wrong?

G-d, I am seriously so tired. I wish I could shut my brain the way I shut my eyes. I think I have to pee. I'm too tired to get out of bed again. Did I brush my teeth? How can I forget if I actually brushed my teeth tonight? Is that even possible?

I wonder when my husband is coming up to bed. I hope I'm asleep, or maybe not, because then my snoring will keep him awake. It's not like I do it on purpose, and believe me, it's so totally unfair that when we are up here together he can shut off the TV after Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert and turn over, shut his eyes and be snoring in like 5 minutes, I mean, really, who DOES that? So I kind of DO want to be asleep before he comes up because if not I'll just have to listen to him snoring and that would keep me awake even longer. Not to mention that I'm slightly cranky with him right now. But whatever. Doesn't matter since I'm so friggin tired I really just need to close my eyes and go to sleep!

Or something ...

This participating post in Pour Your Heart Out was brought to you by the letter "A" for Andrea's Anxiety. And "E" for exhaustion.


  1. My mind races all the time when I'm trying to sleep. Drives me crazy!

    YAY for Type A! :) You'll know people there. Plus, it's nice and laid back and you'll be able to meet more people. I should be there.

  2. Wow do I know exactly how you feel. I do that when I wake early, usually around 4 am and then I can't get BACK to sleep and it usually involves me fussing over my anxiety, my child's development, our financial issues, do I go back to work nw?, is being a SAHM making me crazy?, yada yada yada...

  3. Hahaha! I do that, too. Which is why I tweet so much late at night.

  4. Where is Type A Con? I'm so clueless. But I totally wish I could go - just so I could be your roomie. How fun would that be? Is it one of the really pricey conferences?

    Also, I have a great acupuncturist. Bummer you're not closer.

    When I get that way, I take 1/2 a unisom. Works like a charm, but since it's not a full dose it doesn't leave me all groggy in the morning.

  5. Gracious Girl... my mind works like that too but I'd be too scared to write it all down. Oddly enough, I found that laying there in bed and praying makes me go to sleep... it just seems wrong, but if I snuggle in and pray, I fall asleep! :)

  6. I am right there with you. And my husband is right there with yours...he is snoring 3 minutes after he shuts his eyes.
    If I can read until I fall asleep, I'm usually good. But sometimes it doesn't matter what I do, those stupid racing thoughts intrude. It's so frustrating!

  7. that is the sort of constant stream of thought that keeps me from trying to go to bed before Im exhausted. anxiety sucks.

    Im volunteering at TypeA too :)

  8. Oh my gosh I hate when I can't get to sleep becasue my mind is racing like that! And why is it that the most random crap comes to your brain in those moments?


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