Wednesday, November 14, 2018


connection, community, connections, friendships, family, relationships, emotional ties, fun, laughter, kids, children, blogging, life

This morning I was catching up on Instagram Stories.

I like to see what my friends are up to, and yes, some of these people I watch and check up on I do consider friends. Not just blogging boos or celebs that I keep an eye on, or expert chefs and the like.

And I caught some clips of Kita in the Dark with my friend It's Really Kita.

She was talking about community.

I told her that I thought she just gave me the prompt for my next blog post.

And so here I am.

The part of her story that jumped out at me first was the mention of the dreaded ole' emergency contact.


When your kids are in school you have to give an emergency contact. For my daughter, her father and I are already on there, so when I have to fill in that slot? I struggle sometimes. Kita said she was asked for like five. FIVE, y'all.

That's completely ridiculous.


I have enough trouble with one.

And it's not that I don't have one friend I could trust to pick up my daughter in an emergency.

I do.

I have several.

Truly. I do.

Don't believe me?

Meet Kate. 

She has saved my backside or helped me and my kiddo more times than I can count.

And I have neighbors. And friends. Really good friends.

This isn't a pity party for Andrea. I promise.

But I have friends who have their own kids. Their own families. Jobs. After school activities. All the things that might leave them unavailable to run across town - or farther than that - to pick my daughter up in case of emergency.


This leaves me reflecting on my community.

And for so many of us? Community = family.

My family is 500 miles away.

My blood family.

My *sisters* are scattered across the country.

My sorority sisters.

My former in-laws are 1000 miles away.

They can't be the emergency contact any more than my own mother, brother or sister-in-law could be. Although sometimes? My brother is who I put down for myself.

He may only just learn that if he reads this post. But yeah. He's who I would want called if I needed him. (Love you, bro.)

It's really hard when your emergency contact was your spouse and you're no longer married.

It's an interesting 'cross that off the list' kind of experience.

But for my kid?

I know I have amazing friends who would not only pick up my daughter from school, but keep her til I got to her, take her wherever she needed to go - and do the same for me. Just as I'd be more than willing to watch friends' kids and keep them at my house for as long as they needed.


That's my community.

I told you.

I do have one.

But that said?

I'm missing so much.

Because so much of the rest of my community?

Lives right here.

In my laptop. In my phone. My iPad.

On the internet.

My community is you - and you - and you.

And you over there (I see you!).

And some days I wish we could form a huge commune where we could sister-wife one another and take care of each other's kids and they'd run from house to house while we all made a big dinner and sat outside at night sipping whatever it would be that would warm us from head to toe on the outside because inside we'd be warmed by the connections and community we had right there in front of us.

And that might be the sappiest paragraph (or really long sentence) you've ever read on this blog.

But I mean it.


I want doors to swing open and coffee brewing and wine bottles in the fridge and pasta on the stove or cookies fresh from the oven or pizza arriving at the door and happy faces and full bellies and all that is right in the world.

And the other part I wish for? Is that my daughter could not just have her Girl Scout friends and her classmates and Kate's girls, and the cousins she has both, 500 and 1000 miles away.

But that she could have additional connections. Extra ones. Like Carla's daughter, and Erin's twins, and Shell's boys, and Charity's daughters, and Danyelle's daughter, and Nichole's kids, and Kita's kids, and Ivy's daughter, and Tiffany's kiddies (because she lives too far away and she and I barely get to see one another, let alone get our kids to meet up!) and I could go on and on and on because I'd want to include all of the children I've watched grow up over the years. Each and every one of them.

Because that, my friends, is community.

There is an old saying (I sound like a granny!) that the OG Bloggers, which I'm barely a part of, but at the same time, I think I surfaced in the second realm (realm? regime? something?) - somewhere in 2009 - that goes like this:

Blogging friends are real.

And it is 110% accurate.

And you can't beat that.


It's an incredible thing, no matter where you find it.

Lean on yours when you need to.

They'll do the same in return sometime.

That's what it's all about. [Go on, I know you're singing it.]


  1. I was thinking of this yesterday and again today. You know many of my beloved friends turned sisters began their lives in an entirely different country but now are just minutes from my home. I am emergency contacts for many people I don't even speak the same language as--for exactly that reason--I DO speak the same language as those who might need to get a hold of an emergency contact. And yesterday, I got a call from one of those places--not for their child, but their husband, all is well, but the reality hit me of their situation and what they trust me with. And again today, one of my sisters is having a baby. Her first two were born with her mother and sister just a house or two away, now, they are the family in their Americans, my hubby and I did the baby days pretty solo, but she has not. I asked her to let me be that family around the corner. I look forward to doing just that. Yes, her oldest daughter will be 14 when baby comes and can help a lot, but she is not a mother, she has not nursed a baby, she has not recovered from a delivery, I have done that. I look forward to walking with my sister, uxti, through the months and days and years. I am honored to be there...and a little blown away by this privilege that my friends, turned family give me. And honored that you would want to raise your daughter alongside mine.

  2. I totally understand this community thing, Andrea. Moving as often as I have has allowed me to have so man friends in so many places but that first few months when you have to write down emergency contacts when you don't know a soul---brutal. It makes it so real that friends and family are not always located within 10 miles. The world has gotten smaller with the internet in a lot of ways and the ones that I connect with are sometimes more "out there" than close by. Made me think today and that is a good thing. Thanks and hope your community just keeps on growing and growing!

  3. It's amazing how one's community changes over the years. The ones we put as a contact at one stage of life might not be there years later, then there are some there forever.

    My parents live 440 miles away, my brothers are 1 and 2 hours from me. No sisters.

    Except, I have an online sisterhood which is so real. They know my deepest secrets, heartaches, and have talked me through difficult times more than some friends living nearby. Some I've met in person and some I haven't. And, sometimes, they're the ones I turn to when I have something good to share or something sad. Many times they're the first ones I turn to. My circle.


  4. I know what you mean, and I feel for you that you have no *family* there, but you've created an amazing family both online and off. Miss you!!!


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