Wednesday, September 27, 2017

To All The Single Moms

Confession time: I've been holding this post in my drafts for a bit. I've been looking for other places to submit it to. I've been thinking, well, is it going to start something w. people when I just want to WRITE and don't want to start anything? And so, I let it simmer. And tonight? While trying to figure out what's for dinner? I've decided to hit publish. Because this is my reality right now - and in sharing it it might help someone else - same as the words of others have helped me. 

I've often been the kind of person who mentioned solo-momming it when my spouse was away for work.

That's not even remotely close to being a single mom.

I'm pretty sure I never indicated that it was, but whether I did or didn't, I'd like to clarify, it's not.

Not at all.

I've seen the mommy wars, watched them unfold online. I've experienced firsthand what it's like to be stuck in a word battle with women you don't even know.

They suck. I'm not here to encourage them. I'm not here to enforce any "laws".

I'm here to speak. To write. To share.

To use my space in ways that I need to.

When you're in a partnership and your partner is traveling for work and you're the only one dealing with all the things?

You're not a single mom.

You're someone who is waiting for your "other half" to return, to give you a moment to escape from the ins and outs of parenting, the exhaustion of it all?

You're not a single mom.

When your spouse works late hours and you feel as though you're the only one around?

You're not a single mom.

I'm sorry. You're just not. You're struggling.

I see you. I hear you.

It sucks.

I've BEEN you.

But it's so so very different on the other side.

So completely different.

Consider ...

When you're someone who no longer has the person you turned to to talk about every and anything in your life with?

You're probably a single mom.

When you're someone who is trying to find that balance between saying enough and sharing too much?

You're probably a single mom.

When you feel as though you simply do not know what is going to come next?

You're probably a single mom.

When you're waiting to file papers that will make your life completely different from all you knew before?

You're a single mom.

Even if the law doesn't say it or see it yet. It's you. You are. I see you.

And when the days blend into the nights blend into the days.

When your child is sleeping in your bed and you're almost too tired to adjust the routine to make it so they aren't.

When you're looking ahead and wondering what you should do, where you should go, how you should plan and have nobody to run those thoughts past.

When you ask yourself what positive co-parenting actually means.

When you recognize big dates are approaching, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and you have no clue whatsoever how you're going to observe them, because the framework that has been your world has shifted so much over recent months.

You're a single mom.

And you can do this.

You can manage.

You WILL manage.

Every second. Every minute. Every moment.

You will find your way.

You're a single mom.

You're an enigma.

You do it all.

You find a way.

You balance that fine line and find yourself where you need to be.

You cry all the tears.

Eat all the cookies.

Raise your glass of wine now and then (although who are we kidding? It's coffee way more often than it's wine - you know it and I know it!).

Sweat out your emotions by running, walking, Zumba-ing whenever you can.

You do it all.

You'll continue to.

You put your child first.

You're a single mom.

And you're amazing.


  1. YOU are amazing.
    And you will get into the groove of this new normal with its ebb and flow, its high of the one moment where you are on top it of it all ... and the low when you are not. And slowly they will become further apart, you will be stronger and find a resilience you never knew you had. I promise. And I love you xxx

  2. Truth.

    I sometimes feel bad because my kids aren't with me full time. I think about those moms who have their kids all the time, day after day and night after night. I'm sure they are more exhausted than I am.

    But even though I have a co-parent - actually, I don't, because he's not a co-anything. He's not willing and not able. So I AM doing it all on my own, whether they are with me or not. I'm worrying about their adjustment (to this new life, to school, to everything) and trying to remember when they need $2 for a fundraiser and wondering if I am doing enough to help them be okay. And when they get sick - oh my. The couple of times (knock wood) my kids have been more than just normal sick, I have felt frantic and overwhelmed. There's nothing like having that other person who is responsible for these kids to discuss things with and share some of the concern.

    It can suck, and often does. Weekends are hard. I have very slowly started changing routines and habits I don't want them to continue with, but it takes energy.

    But we're doing it. You are. I am. We're in it together and I'm grateful for that.

  3. You are my She-ro. You are absolutely right. As someone who is the daughter of a single mom I marvel at how she did it. She is way stronger than I. I give you all the props in the world.

  4. You got this. WEVE GOT THIS. Step by step. Day by day. xoxo

  5. You are living it and sharing it somehow probably makes it more real. But because you share it also means others can support you. Even if they haven't lived what you are living there is still support. You are amazing and you can do this. ❤️

  6. Thank you!! I am a single Mom and this really made me feel good tonight that I have so much on my plate but am managing sometimes with no energy left. Many times I miss someone to talk to that is an adult and not my child. I spend many nights up crying and worrying on things. But my kids always make it all worth it for they are what keeps me going. Thank you for your thoughts.

  7. Andrea, you are an amazing woman! You are doing a much better job with this parenting thing than I ever did. And you are doing it without any family around. I have so much respect for you and I love you and your daughter to the moon and back! ❤

  8. I'm sure you're right. My husband traveled one week a month when my kids were little, but the support and emotional connection and even the daily conversations were there.

  9. You are a strong, amazing woman. Everything you said is poignant and true. I'm in your corner. I'm
    your fan. I know you can do this.

  10. Sending you a big hug because I love ya...and sending you a huge fist pump because you are a warrior. xoxo


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