Sunday, January 24, 2016
Sometimes I Need to Write to Remember
What has happened here?
I'm not writing.
I'm not sure what's wrong. What's happening. Why I'm not writing.
I'm just not.
N - to the - O - to the - T.
Some people write sponsored posts like crazy. Or they come up with crafts and things and they share those. This is not how I write.
This is not what I do. Not who I am.
Sure, I do these things, but this is not the kind of blogger I am - where much of what I share is focused on what I'm doing.
I give mad props to those bloggers. Those people who write out their posts and make some big bucks doing it. There are days I wish to be just like them.
And then I think, no, that's not who I am. That's not what I do. That's not why I write.
And so, when I do write - I write for me.
I know many bloggers who do all kinds of writing. And they do so for themselves. And they do so however they want to. But they do so with a mission in mind.
And though I, too, love a sponsored post now and then. And love an opportunity to review an incredible product - which I do once in a while - I'm not that person.
And I started this post off thinking that my title would be "I've Still Got Nothing," but that's not true.
I have ALL THE THINGS.
I have a husband I love and who loves me. Who works really hard and takes care of our family. And remains patient with me even when I tip to the side of cranky-pants.
I have a daughter who has my whole heart. Who is learning and growing and being and taking the world by storm. And who loves me with her whole heart.
I have two dogs and two cats - one cat who won't come near us, but who we saved from the streets of Brooklyn, oh so many years ago. And the rest? Our fur-babies? Love us dearly. And we love back.
I have a mother who is incredibly strong. Who navigates the day-to-day without the man she lived so much of her life with, and who finds things to smile and laugh about, along with things that make her cry. She's someone I can count on for anything. Any time. Always.
I have a brother who may not know it, but who carries a piece of my heart with him always. It's a part of me that's outside of myself - too far away - sure - but there, always. And I know that's something you normally say about your own children. For my daughter is a part of me and all. But if you have a younger sibling - or maybe any aged sibling at all? - you know of what I speak. You know what it's like to have your memories and your childhood wrapped up in someone else. My brother is that for me.
I have a sister-in-law who is one of my best friends. Who understands me when I merely say, or type (this texting world we live in), about two words. Three, tops. She gets it. I can text her and say I WANT A MUFFIN and she knows what this means. She will write me back and support me. She will make me laugh and listen.
And together, these two? Gave me my niece. My daughter's other half. So close in age, so similar in so many ways, and yet, so very different. I love that our girls are so close, even while growing up 500 miles apart. I envision ourselves ten years from now and imagine tearing our hair out together as we watch these girls grow and move forward with so much of their lives.
This is only on my side of the family. This doesn't even take into account my mother-in-law and father-in-law. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law. My nieces and my nephew. Good G-d, these kids mean the world to me. I am waiting for the days when my oldest niece can come and visit us for a bit on her own. Maybe we'll be showing her local (to us) colleges someday? It could happen. They're all growing up. In the meantime we take the moments we can share together. Whether they're once or twice a year. We keep them on our minds and in our hearts. We watch them grow over video chats and pictures. Thank goodness for modern technology. We get to see them so much more than if we simply wrote letters and had regular ole phone calls.
I have warmth. I have food. I have shelter.
I have books to read and several places to share my words.
I have many places I can lay my head.
I have a heart that swells with love.
Eyes that fill with tears.
Longing. Loving. Missing. Hoping. Dreaming. DOING.
I have ALL THE THINGS.
Sometimes I just need to sit down and write a bit to remember.
So - the next time you're feeling like you're missing something? Sit yourself down and write. You'll be amazed at what happens. I'm pretty much proof of that.