Sunday, November 15, 2015
Sunday Free Write: Because It's Okay
This post isn't going to be pinterest-worthy. It's not going to have beautiful images or links or anything fancy like that.
It's just going to be me.
Sitting down at my laptop on a Sunday night - writing.
I'm writing because I need to.
And because I believe that the world needs me to.
And because you should be writing, also. If you're so moved.
It's a free write because this weekend we did things like go to karate and shop at Target and grab lunch at Red Robin. And because today my husband turned the heat on and I thought - damn it - how many days til I feel my first sinus infection brewing?
And then I thought, ugh, what the hell? Why am I worried about a sinus infection when there are people mourning their loved ones all across the globe?
And why should I really worry about my sinuses when I got an email from Starbucks this morning telling me that yesterday's bogo holiday tea purchase earned me my twelfth star and I've got a free beverage coming to me. Woo hoo! I mean - free Starbucks - right? Score! Win! Etc. etc.
But people are aching for the ones who won't return home. The ones who they won't share a cup of coffee or tea with again.
And my concerns about my sinuses and my joy over a free hot beverage do not mean that I do not care about these things.
In fact - I care very much.
I'm a voice in the battle cry of voices saying to France that we're here for you and we've got your back. I'm the person whose throat closes and eyes well up when I see that image going around FB that shows France with the American flag after 9-11, asking how we'll stand with them now.
I'm the person who finds herself unable to change to the French flag overlay on my FB profile picture because what about Beirut and Baghdad? Hearing about them after the fact - the atrocities and lives lost - it takes nothing away from France. Not one bit. But it makes me seethe just as intensely. Ache just as much.
When will these people just stop? When will all the bad people of the world - with evil intentions - when will they be wrapped up in a bubble and sent off somewhere they can never escape from?
I could sit still, quiet, thinking and hurting.
I could watch coverage continuously and feel my heart exploding.
Or I could take my daughter to karate class. Go shopping at Target. Grab lunch with my family.
I could give myself permission to turn off the TV.
Try to recognize that for today. For yesterday. For tomorrow. I'm just me. I'm here, in my home, living my life. Praying. Meditating. Breathing deeply. Watching the news when I can handle it. Watching The Voice when I cannot.
Singing. Reading. Laughing.
Raising my voice at my child when I wish I didn't have to or I wish I would not.
Yelling at my dog to lay down. Settle. STOP. Just so I could have a modicum of silence and a moment of peace.
And I can feel like that's all for naught.
Or I can remind myself that it's my day-to-day. My life. Who I am. Who I will continue to be.
As I continue to send thoughts of healing across the globe. As I continue to wish for peace in every corner. Wish for evil to be disbanded and for life to move forward, quietly, respectfully, happily.
And still ... this week I can go get my free drink at Starbucks. Without feeling guilty. Because sometimes it's the little things. And that might be all I can lean on on any given day.
And it's okay.
For me. And for you.
Find your thing. And then do it.
Just because you are living your life does not mean you do not care.
As am I.
We all are.
And it's okay.