Wednesday, June 17, 2015

It's coming again. Father's Day.

father, daddy, loss, grief, love, family, holidays, life


Father's Day is coming.

Again.

You're still not here.

I lack the words.

I lack the poetry.

The thoughts.

The movement.

This year I just stumble along.

Pretending that it won't matter.

That Father's Day isn't coming.

Because you're not here.

I ache.

I sigh.

I breathe.

I cry.

I have lost so much in losing you.

I watched bits and pieces of my wedding video with your granddaughter.

My heart swelled.

So much love.

So much heart.

And the dancing. So much dancing.

She watched. She smiled. She whispered your name.

Said it loudly.

Felt the loss.

I feel the loss.

She'll never dance a hora with you.

She'll never hold your hand on the dance floor as I did.

She won't see us dance, arm in arm. Hand in hand.

She won't stumble forward to find our arms outstretched to hold her - as we pull her in.

She won't know. Experience.

But this week. This week - one of so many weeks - I think of me.

And my losses.

My lacking.

My missing you.

I love you, Daddy.

Happy Father's Day.


* Linking up with Shell at Things I Can't Say for this week's Pour Your Heart Out. *

3 comments:

Shell said...

Sending you lots of love. xo

Sandy said...

This is beautiful! I lost my Daddy when I was pregnant with my first child (a daughter). It is so painful that none of my children ever got to know him and the special man he was. Your poem really speaks to me.

Jenny Gaskell said...

Sending you so much love. Thinking of you. xoxo

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