Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The words won't come.

They just won't.

I'm posting to remind myself that I am here.

That I have this space.

So much to say. So many thoughts.

The tears come and go as they please.

I don't expect them to stop.

I'm not sure I want them to.

But man, this hurts.

It's hell.

My heart is shattered.

Every day my daughter talks to my father.

Every single day.

And every day she reminds me to do it, too.

And so I do.

And he hears us.

I know he does.

But I want him to be here.

I want him to answer.

And he can't.

He won't.

Not now. Possibly not ever.

And it's not fair.

It sucks, truly.

I'm not one to mince words. That much you know.

And so - here I am - trying to find my words again.

Will there ever be anything else to write about?

Do I care?

No. I want my daddy back.

Can my words do that for me?

In my heart, I suppose, a little bit.

But not truly.

Not nearly in the way I am hoping for.

Missing you, Daddy. Still. And always. Forever.

12 comments:

Patty said...

I know my friend.
I know.

New words will come. Give yourself time and know that I am thinking and praying for you and your family.

{{{HUGS}}}

The Dose of Reality said...

Oh friend. :( The loss is so overwhelming. You are still so fresh into it. Sounds crazy to think this, but someday you will look back on this post and probably barely remember writing it. But, what you will always remember is this feeling. This profound sense of permanence. My mom died almost 3 years ago, and I can honestly say that I still think of her every day. It is easier now, not as raw, but the forever is definitely still there. Thinking of you today and always.-Ashley

Tracie Nall said...

It really does suck. I wish I knew a magical formula or special words that could ease your pain, but I don't think they exist. I will keep praying for you and your family. Sending you lots of love today.

Lisa @ The Golden Spoons said...

So sorry for your loss and sorry you are struggling. I think writing is therapeutic, so keep it up and I hope it will get easier.

Mom's Small Victories said...

So sorry to hear you going through such a hard time. I hope he inspires you to write again. He'd want you to find a way to be happy. I hope you find it soon.

tranquilamama said...

Sending you so much love. The words will come. I'm thinking of you and your sweet girl. Those memories live in our hearts forever.

Sarah Coggins said...

So sorry and thinking of you daily. Grief is such a lonely and tough journey. I try to remind myself it's part of what keeps us connected to what we lost. So sweet your daughter is. May her words and hugs help your heart to heal a bit each day.

Sarah Coggins said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ilene Evans said...

It's a process, this grief thing. One day at a time - and we are here for when you need to let the words out. Hugs my friend. xo

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

I wish there was more I could say. Sending love and hugs.

Crystal T. said...

It sounds like you have plenty of words but that maybe they aren't the ones you would like to be writing. It's so important to write them, though, even if you decide not to share them. Words will help you reflect and grieve and, ultimately, heal. And you will heal, I promise. Just give yourself time.

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