Parenting is hard, yo.
Sometimes you find yourself bending over backwards to entertain, to keep them busy, to bring the fun and joy into it all.
And some days they listen. And do. And say 'Mommy, I love you,' from the back of the car and you smile and feel blessed.
And some nights they cry out for you, and they have a fever and you worry and they need you and so you stay.
All night. Sleeping or not, by their side.
Glasses on. Pillows missing. An instant crick in your neck.
Choppy night but you wouldn't be anywhere else.
And then they are better. Thank goodness.
And you take them to see the fireworks because they really want to go. They've been waiting for days. Weeks, even.
And the next day you go to the movies. And the baseball game. And eat popcorn and cotton candy and custard.
All the things you probably shouldn't give in on but you do.
And the day after that you make plans. And she shows she doesn't know how to listen. And you're done.
And it sucks.
So very much.
Because it's a really long weekend and you have plans. You want to go out on the water, take her fishing and ride the waves. You want to do all these things and more.
But you're spent. You're exhausted. You're tired and you don't understand why she switches from on to off and off to on and never gives you warning. Or maybe you just missed it. The warning. There has to be one, right?
Because she's six. And you say that you expect this, and yet you expect more from a six-year-old, and yet you don't, right? I mean, what should you expect?
And you find yourself near tears because you just don't know.
And then you feel guilty because you wonder if this is your fault.
Because she is only six, after all.
And so you question whether you were too quick to react. Too overloaded. Maybe it was your husband. Maybe it was you. Maybe it was the two of you combined.
Maybe it really was her.
And so you come home, and you wait. You issue her instructions. Directions. Hopes she can follow and you can still have your plans later today.
Because it sucks when you have to reprimand your kid and then you lose out, too.
You're home and you're reading or writing when you'd rather be out on the water yourselves.
But you can't.
And so there you are.
Grumbling. Stressing. Thinking. Holding back tears and making sure they don't fall.
You don't need to be crying. You're okay. You will be fine.
You all will. The three of you.
It just takes time.
There will be bumps and bruises and bumbles along the way.
But you'll expect them now. And even if you don't, you'll get through them. Past them. Over them.
Parenting's hard, yo.
But you can do it.
And you will.