Well, this post has been brewing in various versions in my mind, and has come to a head this fine Wednesday morning. Thanks to Shell for timing her weekly Pour Your Heart Out link-up to meet my needs. Love that girl.
So, where should I begin?
Should I start with my first week of being gluten-free being done and my putting back 2-1/2 pounds that I happily shed over the past few weeks? Damned if I do, damned if I don't, it seems.
Or should I remind you all that I walked the Heart Walk with a very dear friend (find her here at Trials of my life) and felt inspired, motivated and loved?
Maybe I'll tell you how I'm a stay-at-home-mom who has one child who happens to be IN school. So now I am a stay-at-home-what?
I won't even touch on turning 40 in a few weeks. Because honestly that's not gnawing at me the way one would think. Or maybe it is. Maybe it's the base of all of the emotions surfing around my head and my heart. I suppose it could be. I'm always emotional around my birthday. I share my birthday with my maternal grandparents - who celebrated their anniversary on that same date. They're long gone from my life and my birthday has always been a time for me to miss those I've lost.
Maybe this year I think beyond those loved ones who have passed on, and focus a bit on the friendships that have sailed in and out of my soul. I can reflect on my Sweet 16, and the friends I thought, SWORE, I'd have forever. The ones -- the ONE -- who stayed are (is?) incredible. The ones who are gone? Well, they're gone - right? I'm not talking about the crush. Or the random friend invited because of so-and-so and so-and-so. I'm talking about the ones I laid side-by-side with, talking and feeling dreams of tomorrow and years to come.
Maybe I'm missing my family. New York is always going to be home to me, though I don't foresee us heading back there in any near future. Who knows? Life can surprise us, right?
Is it a mid-life crisis when you're not quite 40? *smh* I don't know. (I almost pictured myself saying "I whip my hair back and forth" but GAWD I hate that song. Or maybe I resent Willow Smith? But mostly it's just the song ...)
I'm home now. I'm an unemployed social worker and mother who sits at home. My house is not perfect. My body is not quite as fit as I'd like and dinner is not coming out of a warm oven or crockpot at 5pm as my husband walks through the door and my daughter finishes her homework.
Mostly because my husband is rarely home before six and homework, while easily done, is quick and semi-painless, whereas writing down the books she has read could take hours.
Another serenade of Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom.
She's actually READING it. She's got it memorized, but somehow she's READING it. I didn't do that, though. It took school to get her there. It's a little depressing.
I should probably focus on the way her teacher asked me if she went to preschool at all, and while I braced to hear what would come after I said no the look of pleasant surprise on her face made me quickly exhale. I didn't ruin her by keeping her home with me. She's still smart. Still learning. Thank you, G-d.
Now, let's get that talking under control, shall we?
Wonder where she gets that from ... Are you looking at me?
Looks like I need a refill ... better run.