Friday, February 24, 2012

Annie's Sister

More of Clara's story today. I haven't yet truly touched on her family history or any aspects of her relationship with her sister, but this is a great example of conflict for Clara so I've decided to share it now in conjunction with the Write on Edge Conflict and Violence prompt for this week.

If you'd like to read the previous installments on Clara, see here: 



I am...writing 

This scene picks up prior to the last excerpt, but after the first two. I am writing this story in flashbacks, with a window of ten years between today for the characters and yesteryear (so to speak). Clara has met her sister Annie's boy-who-is-a-friend. I'd have included more of their initial meeting, and subsequent connections, but I don't have enough word space allowed!

“I understand.” 

“Do you?” My turn to nod. “Really?”

“Yeah. I’ve been you. I’ve been where you are when it comes to my sister.” I sighed. “Nobody ever really walks away, though. She has this ability.” I let my words drift off as I shook my head. “Anyway, it was really nice to meet you, Nate. I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with Annie. It should have been me. Should have been my responsibility. I’m really sorry.”

“Wow,” he stopped where he stood.


“I really did find myself the wrong sister, didn’t I?”

In a heartbeat I sensed her. Annie stood at the top of the stairs, her eyes brimming with tears. “Oh, that’s fucking great. Just great. Thanks, C. Thanks so much. I’m so glad you’re home. Seriously. Thank you for finally coming home.”

“Annie!” we both shouted as she stormed off.

“Well, how’s that for timing?” Nate’s eyes twinkled.

“Couldn’t have sucked more,” I shook my head. “I guess you’ll be going.”

“Yeah." His eyes flashed for a moment. "Yeah, Annie’s sister, I’ll be going. But if you ever decide to start living for yourself again, you should look me up.”

“Wh-?” And at that he leaned over and kissed me softly on the mouth.

What was that I could smell? Cologne? He tasted like... he'd been drinking? Scotch? Maybe. I stood there, eyes closed, trying not to taste it. It had been so long since I’d been kissed. I heard a small moan escape my lips.  Was I gasping? Dreaming? I couldn’t look. I was mortified. Was he gone yet? I could hear him breathing. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. He was still standing right over me. “Nate.” He shook his head, put his finger on my lips.

“See ya, Annie’s sister. Be good to yourself.”

And with that he was gone.


  1. Very cool!

    I am definitely interested. I've only read this except, so I thought I would give you my read on Nate to see if that is where you want your reader to be at this moment:

    Not sure about that Nate. Seems too charming. Too willing to trade one sister for another...


  2. I.want.more.
    Seriously, I've told you before I want the book lol
    Nate...hmmm...why do I like him?? There's something in the words you've written that totally defines him in a way I love...
    Nicely done!!

  3. I'll have to read some more. This is good, I need to find out more about the sisters' relationship.

  4. ahh, the sister rivalry. Interesting developments.

    I'm looking forward to more snippets. I hear ya on the limited word counts and not being able to give all the info you want :)

  5. so bitter sweet. I don't know all the background between the sisters, but I can imagine the guilt and anxiety that would be associated with even considering 'trespassing' on her sisters territory, especially when it sounds like her sister is a tough person to live with. And she definitely feels something for him, but doing that to a sister? tough.

  6. Word limits are quickly becoming my enemy. When I post my fiction stuff, it's almost like I know the areas of concrit I'll receive. I want to put stuff in parenthesis saying, "Yeah I know... shoulda done more here." :-)

    This is good. Great! I felt like I could feel her guts twisting up with conflicted feelings. I like dark family stuff. I like "dark" in general, but this feels so layered and complex. Hat tip, for sure.


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