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Friday, September 16, 2011

Bittersweet

Clara watched as the Rabbi walked up to the altar. Her heart beat heavy within her small frame. She swore the person sitting next to her could feel it. What was happening here? Was she so sure that she could ignore this? Or was she fooling herself?

He began to pray. She shut her eyes. Listened to his sweet voice. She was more sure now than ever before that it was him. That she knew this man, this voice. But what could she do about it?

She opened her eyes. Looked towards the front row. There sat a woman with a baby in her arms, and two small children by her side. He’s a father now. Her eyes brimmed with tears. He’s a father. She heard a small sob escape her lips. The gentleman beside her turned, offered her a hankie. She waved him away. Whispering, ‘No, thank you.’ The tears slid down her cheeks. She looked up at him again. Their eyes met. She felt a glimmer of recognition, she hoped? He continued to skim the crowd, his voice stronger with every word.

Clara left the synagogue. She was crushed. Not sure what she truly expected, but knowing what her heart had hoped. It had been years since she had seen Jacob. Years since she had returned to the place she had once called home. So much had happened, so much time had passed. Could he possibly not remember her?

She walked down the street, oblivious to the throngs of people brushing past her. To the rest of the city, it was yet another Saturday morning, but to her, it meant so much more.

This week's Write on Edge prompt requests we explore romantic heartbreak. This post is the first part of something that I have been working on in bits and pieces for a while now, on and off. I thought I'd take a time-out from my first story and introduce you all to someone new. I hope you enjoyed it. Constructive criticism is always welcome.




17 comments:

Reviewer11 said...

Great narration! The man who handed her his hankie, could he possibly be the one for her???

Galit Breen said...

Poor girl. I love that you went somewhere {and with someone!} new.

My favorite details were the rabbi and his voice, you placed me right there!

scrapperjen said...

This is wonderful! I hope you continue on a little.
Thanks for sharing.

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I want to cry along with her. She had such hopes when she walked in that morning.

An Imperfect Momma said...

Oh wow...that was so good I forgot what I was reading. I almost cried for her!!

Amy L. said...

Yes I liked this. I'd love to read more.

Nancy C said...

Oh, I REALLY like this setting. What a great (and by great, I mean super awkward) place to see an old flame.

I love it. There's so much to work with here.

Mry Jhnsn said...

I really enjoyed the flow of your words and how you showed how she was feeling in the details. I felt her heart drop when she realized he had children.

Debra Ann Elliott said...

What a great story...stopping by from RWH

Tomekha said...

Wow - I feel for her...beautifully written.

julie moore said...

Really hard to realize your love is over. I felt sorry for her and wanted her to find another love.

Patricia Iles said...

Wow. Double wow. I can't think of a more earth-shattering place to see an old flame and find out that he's lighting someone else's fire FOR SURE.

Great job. You nailed it.

Trish

http://writinginareddress.blogspot.com/2011/09/orange-crush.html

Katie @ Chicken Noodle Gravy said...

So well-written! I really felt for your character; nearly wanted to console her as I read on. She faces two kinds of heartbreaks in this...first with knowing he has moved on and second with knowing he doesn't recognize her. That hurts!

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

OH I like it! I'm going to go all Elementary School Writing Teacher on you (you were warned:)) We are working on small moments... really zeroing in on the senses in one moment. I'd love to see you focus and add details to the part where his eyes pass over her and she realizes he doesn't recognize her.

I finally wrote another fiction piece that I'm going to try to get up this week.

Jack said...

I had that happen to me once, many years ago. Went to shul and ran into someone who had once been something to me.

Nicely done, I liked it.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Really well written and so intriguing! :-) I always love your stuff. And I'm not just saying that!

CDG said...

I had an ex who wanted to be a Rabbi... I kept picturing him here... To find out your former love is so far beyond your reach--ooof!