Monday, August 22, 2011

Where to begin?

Imagine that writing down your worst memory will free you of it.

I have been asked to write down my worst memory.

What is it?

I don't know. There may be too many things. I have lived a relatively uneventful life, but these memories exist. They are there. Hidden away. Pulled out on an anniversary. A sad day. A moment where I'm missing someone I loved with my whole heart. What shall I share with you today?

Why does it haunt you?

Why wouldn't it? Doesn't everyone have those moments? The ones that we just can't seem to let go of? The ones that leave an imprint on our minds, our hearts. Our very beings?

What could you have done differently?

That's just it. Not a damned thing. Each and every time there was nothing I could have done. Life moved on. Nobody could have changed what happened. Life took hold and I grabbed on, held tight and stayed strong for the ride.

Write it down and let it go.

No - that's okay. I'll pass for today. I mean, I know it works. It truly does. Or it can. But for today, you can do that. Because you know what? I've done it already. Several times over, in fact. For each and every incident that makes me who I am. And each time, each and every SINGLE time, I feel better for a bit. I move forward just an inch or two. Or ten. But then I remember again. I remember sadness. I remember fear. And I remember loss. Lots and lots of loss.

* I mean no disrespect to the Write on Edge ladies with this post. Honestly, it was the best I could do with this prompt, as I am just drained this week(end) and not ready to tear open the memories I usually dive right into. I looked through my posts, trying to find the moments that made me ache the most, and there are so many. So many sad memories, so many painful recollections and they each have their place. So in a few months you'll hear from me as our nation remembers. And then when January comes you'll feel me again. And again in March. And the year goes on, the pain still flows, and the memories recycle themselves into post after post. When I need them to. So I have this written, and I'm not sure it counts so I am not sure if I should link up - but I'm sure either way I'll figure it out. And I thank them for bringing me home - in my head, and my heart. And I'll catch them all on Friday, I'm sure!

12 comments:

Jenna said...

You did exactly what you wanted to do with this prompt, said some important things, were kind to yourself, and set boundaries. Im proud of you, and grateful that you published. *HUG*

Amy said...

I think each prompt is yours to write how you will. Sometimes we just don't want to dredge up all that stuff, you know?

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I don't tread in my darkest memory - not healthy.

You did a good job w/ the prompt I think :-)

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I think you handled this so well. My worst memories are family ones that they won't want shared online.

Renee said...

This is just as it should be. A wonderful response to the prompt.

Nicole Rivera said...

Fabulous job! I think you expressed something so important about these "worst memories" of ours - there's a time and a place. We never truly let go of them, but we don't necessarily search them out. It is not necessary - they are so much of our make-up that they are already there. They erupt whenever (sometimes when we least expect it!) and that's their space in time.

I don't think you disrespected anyone AT ALL. You addressed the prompt perfectly!

Hines-Sight said...

Nice post, Andrea.

julie moore said...

This is exactly how I felt that why it took me until tonight to write anything. Even still I did not write about my worst memory becasue it is too hard. Thanks for your straight up honesty.

dosweatthesmallstuff said...

When I read this week's RemembeRed prompt, I immediately knew I wasn't going to be able to write anything even if one memory in particular reared its ugly head instantly.

I commend you for trying and actually writing your struggles down. There's no right or wrong way to respond to the prompt. Your honesty is what makes this post special!

Anne said...

I didn't share my worst memories because doing so might have hurt others. I can never blog about family members or husband. One the problems of not blogging anonymously! I think prompts are yours to interpret as you want.

Cheryl said...

I think exploring the idea of memories is an excellent way to use this prompt. xo

Lora said...

You did exactly the right thing with this prompt. And if you do chose to write, you can do it somewhere private. And tuck it away or burn it or mail it to the North Pole. Whatever works best for you.

The most important part of writing, I think, is the processing that goes on inside. So whether you get things down on paper or not, you've still done the most important thing

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