I had so many ideas for this post last night. And then I got tired and I didn't write anything down.
Like I said in my Sunday post, I'm dreaming of a strong future for my daughter. I'm dreaming of an easy transition into Kindergarten, for her and for me. And that she makes friends, learns a lot, and enjoys herself.
So what's weighing heavy on my mind and my heart these days as I wait to figure out when things will truly start for her?
Well, I suppose I could begin with the question of what isn't ... cause it's starting to feel like everything is.
If you know me, know my daughter, bedtime sucks. It always has. Maybe it's our fault, my husband and mine, because we never pulled off the cry-it-out method. Never "feberized" her, or whatever it's called. I know it works, there were nights she did scream and cry and eventually fall asleep, but for the most part we worked our way towards a better nighttime process. And for the most part she gets there. And even lets me leave the room before she shuts her eyes for the night.
But we just traveled for 2+ weeks. Spent nearly every day together, and slept in the same room each night (or she slept with my mom when in NY w/o me). So falling asleep solo is a bit rough around the edges these days. And that stinks.
Do you question the choices you made during the days of early parenting and wonder if your child(ren) carries them forward and holds on tight enough that they impact the way they function? So many times people said, I've said, your kids will be okay. They're just babies. Take care of them. Show them they are loved. Safe. Protected. This will not hurt them down the line.
And I know that bedtime hasn't hurt my beautiful daughter. I know that and I feel it. Even on the nights my husband and I have screamed up the stairs with exhausted voices. Even on the nights one of us has stomped upstairs and found ourselves yelling. Or the nights I've gone on Twitter and pretty much screamed: FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY GO TO SLEEP!!
Samuel L. Jackson has sounded good to me on those nights. I've wished for an earlier window of closing that bedroom door and I am hopeful that we'll see that window soon. I'll get my late nights back, and not have to be awake until the wee hours so I can get anything done. Reading. Writing. Whatever else.
Although then that gets me thinking how when she goes to bed, I won't need that window of time anymore. I may just catch up on some TV and go to bed myself. Because she'll be gone during the day. And I'm not yet working. Or driving. Or working on driving (yes, a whole other post, I know). So I'll have that time to do whatever it is I squeeze in from 10-12. Maybe.
And then I start thinking about how she'll be gone all day. And I worry again. And I think, oh good lord. And so on. And how much else I need to think about.
And then I just want to go to sleep.
But in the meantime I'll picture this beautiful face. And I know she's going to be just fine!
As for me? I suggest that you get used to seeing my face ... I might be blogging daily until I get used to the change!