I told some friends today that sometimes I wished that I could just take everything out of my house and put it all back in the way that I want it to be.
From the huge chest that is in my dining room that we don't use to dine, to the toys that live in my living room but should be upstairs in the playroom, or in the non-dining room, anyway. To the way that my bedroom could be in so much better shape, and how badly I'd love to tear up all of that carpeting and help myself and my allergies.
To the way I wish I had a laundry fairy, and a bed-making fairy, and a bathroom (especially shower) cleaning fairy, and so on and so forth.
But this is my home. I live here. It's where I have my day to day, it's where I sit and write, it's where the clutter grows around me, no matter what I do to try to stop it.
I'm hopeful that a garage sale in August will help me rid myself and my family of some of our unnecessary items. I'm not sure it'll happen, but a girl can dream, right? I surround myself with papers and books, boxes, baskets and bins, and so much more that is supposed to help me organize, but does not.
Why, you ask? Ha. I don't know. I ask myself the same question nearly every single day.
I'm hopeful that the garage sale will force me to get rid of and make money off of the Jumperoo that hasn't been used since the child was about 1, maybe one and a half, at the most. What else? The toy lawn mower, the bins of clothes I CAN let myself get rid of, despite feeling like I must hold onto everything she's ever worn, and everything she never got to wear. You know those items. The ones with the tags still on? Yeah, those.
Sigh. Sometimes I wish I could just hit my house by storm and run through it in such a way that I could turn it into exactly what I wish it could be.
Oh, and the books! Let me not forget how I hold onto books like they're a lifeline. Some I can afford to let go of, so those will go along the ways of the garage sale pile. I gave many away. I donated some, I donated more. And yet I still have book upon book. Upon more books. How to part with the stories that meant so much to me when I read them the first time? How to let those characters leave my life before I try to reunite with them once again?
I need to just do it. I need to just pass them along, sell them, swap them. Make room in my life, my home and my heart for more characters. More things that are essential to today for my life. For my home and my family. And someday these things, too, will move on without me. Leaving nothing but memories behind.