Friday, April 22, 2011

Enough Already ...

Look in the mirror. There is nothing wrong with you.

You're a beautiful woman. A wife. A mother.

You are strong. You have been through so much.

You've seen buildings collapse. You've survived heartbreak. You've watched loved ones suffer and beat the beast. You've watched others succumb. You're incredibly strong, powerful, and an amazing woman.

So what is it that this holds over you?

It's time to let it out. Let it go. FACE IT. BEAT IT. Kick it to the CURB.


Dear Anxiety,


I am SO done with you. I'm SO done.


It's been so long and I think I finally need to tell you to shove it.


I mean, seriously. How much longer can I have this fear? How much longer will I let this keep me trapped in my own home? Keep my daughter home with me like this? Without an opportunity to grow and flourish in ways I never did.


Ha. I give you too much power. I do. Honestly, I know that I do. I just need to remember to stop. And that's hard. It's not easy at all. But you know what?


SCREW YOU.


I'm done. This is an official termination of our relationship. I'm taking your pictures off the wall. I'm throwing out the old journals with horrible memories. I'm taking back my life. I'm a year and a half away from turning 40. Forty! Imagine. Who would have ever thought that I'd be 40 years old and still not driving?

I'm anxious. I'm feeling it in my chest. My breathing labors as I contemplate the change. But I am doing it. I'm done with you.

I have reasons. I thought I'd have them years ago but I let you take over. I let you control me. I don't have to do that any more. I know it won't be easy, but you need to move on. Find some other sucker if you must, or just disappear into thin air, okay?

I know I won't immediately be able to forget you, but that's how you work. So I'll talk myself down. I'll walk through that fog and find my way without you by my side. And I'll make it.
It's time for you to leave now. You can find your own way out. I'm pretty sure you know where the door is. It's the same one you walked in through oh so many years ago.

And then. Then and only then. I'll get behind the wheel and I'll move. I'll hold the power and I'll push the anxiety in my head on its way. And I'll be doing it. I'll be driving.

Goodbye. Good riddance.


This post is in response to this week's Red Dress Club prompt to "write a formal complaint letter to your deepest, darkest fear."

16 comments:

Sandra said...

Beautiful and forceful.
Now do it! You know you can. You took the strength required to write this piece, you can do the rest.

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

You go Girl! I hate that you go through this, because you are such a wonderful person. You do have the strength and you WILL do it! Sending lots of hugs and prayers!

Random Girl said...

GOOD FOR YOU!!! This is obviously and letter that needed to be written and a battle you need to fight. Strength to you!

Ratz said...

You can do it Andrea. You can. I understand what you must have been through. Dealing with anxiety is not easy but it has to be done. I am sure by deciding to let go the anxiety, you are choosing over life. All the best.

Robin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MamaRobinJ said...

Sorry, screwed up that last comment.

You're ready. It comes through in this. I like that you acknowledge it won't be immediate, because it won't. But you can do it.

I like "It's time for you to leave now." It sounds calm. Respectful, almost. But forceful and sure.

Do it!

MamaRobinJ :)

Jaclyn said...

((claps)) I can't wait until you get your license :) I understand the anxiety -- I didn't get mine until the summer after freshman year of college. It took some time for me to really learn that everyone else did NOT WANT TO turn their cars into missles and torpedo me. Seriously, I had to chant to myself "No one else wants to die, either" the first few times I drove alone.

I have faith in you!

Erin said...

YAY FOR YOU!!!! I love how you just took this to the next level, a pep talk! Seems you have already kicked it to the curb and you are ready!!

Go get 'em! You can do this!!!

Erin said...

I definitely struggle with anxiety too. But you sound completely resolved and strong here---and you have tons of bloggly friends behind you!!!

Jenna said...

so brave. thank you for sharing your heart, and Im with you, girl, kicked to the curb for good.

JennieB said...

This letter really seems like a first step. Take this energy and go with it!

Visiting from TRDC.

Renee said...

Go you!
I'm rooting for you. This is well done andclearly states your intentions.

Have fun behind the wheel.

Kristin said...

YOU CAN DO IT!!! I believe in you!

Galit Breen said...

I LOVE this for it's clear strength grounded in raw honesty. Perfect.

My favorite line: "I'll hold the power and I'll push the anxiety in my head on its way. And I'll be doing it. I'll be driving." because I understand anxiety, and I understand how important that sense of control is!

Patty @ A Day in My NYC said...

I love this post!

I believe in you and I know you can do it!

Just go for it! :)

Melissa said...

Brave of you to share this with others-- I think it's a GREAT step in the right direction! I love the lip you're giving ole' anxiety. Screw it is right!! You can do it!

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