How To Keep Calm When Everyone Is Freaking Out.

Friends.

I know what you're going through right now.

I know that you're experiencing anxiety like you have not experienced in some time.

If ever.

I know that you are feeling all of the symptoms that make you stop and pause and think, what is happening to me - physically?

Take a moment.

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Questions.

image from pixabay

Part of our conversations.

Part of who we are.

Part of what we need.

For how else will we get to know one another?

If not for questions?

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Inspiration in the Darkness

So.

I did a January Whole30 and I felt good. And then I let February take hold and run me into the ground. I'm back to being the over-emotional me of 2017.

I have done six rounds of Whole30.

Six of them.

I lost a substantial amount of weight, I felt great, and I established a new kind of relationship with food.

And then something changed in my life. Something pretty damned huge.

My life. It's different now.

I experienced so many firsts, and I am still finding new things to experience.

Moments without. Moments with.

I am finding my way.

Making marks in ways I've never expected. Never thought I'd need or want to.

I'm sifting through the ashes. Finding the remains. Piecing them together with all that is new.

Pushing through the mud. Finding growth.

No mud. No lotus.

I'm allowing my scars to heal. Allowing new ones to surface. I'm not covering them up. Not right away. I need to confront them. I need to see them. I need to feel them.

But as I do I'm reminding myself. Inhale. Exhale.

I'm allowing myself to breathe.

We all need to breathe.

I'm watching the seasons change. Recognizing that nearly an entire year has gone by.

I'm looking for inspiration in the darkness.

And sometimes I find it.

Why Melissa Hartwig Inspires Me

If you've ever done a Whole30 you've heard of Melissa Hartwig. 

She's one of the founders and she's one of the people I enjoy following on Instagram. Not just because she's an author. A creator. But because she is real. She's human. And she speaks to us, her fans and followers, as if we're equals.

I know. I know.

We are. We're all human. We are equals.

But seriously, this woman is a fierce fit machine. And in spite of that - from someone who has not found themselves on that path at this point in their life - if ever - I still watch and learn. Absorb. And appreciate that she keeps it so damned real.

If you follow me on Instagram you know that's a hashtag I use often when it comes to selfies and motherhood. #keepinitreal is who I am. Or at least who I try to be. I don't do this for sympathy. I do it for reality. 

And today, well, yesterday, really, I was struggling. I was beating myself up, because after six rounds of Whole30 I felt that I should have had a handle on it in a way that I wouldn't look at myself in the mirror and ask what the hell happened. 

But that's what I do. 

And I know what happened. 

And I don't like to lay the blame on anyone but myself. And yet, sometimes, some days, some ways, I do. Because I didn't ask to fall off this positive path. I didn't ask to find myself knocked down several pegs. I didn't ask for this.

And so. I get angry. I get frustrated. But through it all I stay real. I stay true to who I am.

I almost decided to share Melissa's post on FB today, but then realized this deserved an entire blog post. And I hope it's okay to do this and embed her Instagram post in here - because damn, friends, it's so important. Any of you - all of you - who are trying something new and feeling like you're failing. Or trying something old, again, and hating yourself for not being perfect at whatever it is already. 

This. Melissa Hartwig wrote this for you. 

Re: my last #myfoodfreedom post, where I said it's taken me 7 years to arrive at this place of effortless balance: I occasionally hear people suggest if you need 6 Whole30s or you're still struggling 5 years later, you're doing it wrong. That if you can't "fix" your relationship with food faster than this, without the support or help of multiple Whole30s, you're going about it in the wrong way. • Had I entered myself into a food rehab facility, where all life stressors were removed and my only job was to work on changing my habits and healing my emotional relationship with food, I might agree. But let me explain what ELSE I was working on over that 7 year period, along with my Food Freedom: • Quitting my job to start my own business. Getting married. Discovering major issues. Spending years in therapy trying to make the marriage work. Digging into trauma from sexual abuse and drug addiction during said therapy sessions. Writing a book. Getting pregnant. Leaving home at 7 months pregnant. Returning. Having a baby. Writing another book. Doing a very public book tour side-by-side while filing for divorce. Divorcing. Going through a prolonged business split. Rebuilding myself from the ground up while figuring out how to be a single mom, run my business, and write two more books. • While simultaneously trying to create a healthy relationship with the ONE thing I used to rely on the most for comfort, as reward, to relieve anxiety, and to show myself love. So yeah, it took me 7 years. • If it takes you 9 Whole30s or 19 years to finally find YOUR Food Freedom balance, do not despair, because it's not like it's the only thing you've got going on. Keep working on it daily, diligently. Don't give up, because you choose your hard, and the other hard really wasn't working for you. Don't treat the Whole30 like a yo-yo, because that's not the path to Food Freedom. Go do some therapy, because that’s often necessary too. But if you're working it, really working it, even if all you can do is make one small effort on the toughest of days... don't let anyone tell you that you're not "doing it right." • #myfoodfreedom #whole30FFF #melissarants #melissaexplains7years @whole30

A post shared by Melissa Hartwig (@melissa_hartwig) on Feb 19, 2018 at 4:47pm PST

I wrote this entire post yesterday. Tuesday. February 20th.

Today I had my annual physical. I always spend the day before (who am I kidding, days, more likely) in slight trepidation. I love my doctor. I mean it, I do. She's never made me feel like crap. She's listened to me cry. She's supported me through a lot of stuff. And today was no exception.

And yet. I'm still concerned. Worried. About disappointing her. And, more importantly, myself.

So today I met with the student who was shadowing her first.

Am I the only one who does that?

It is always a great experience, except for that one time when the guy was a little - well, he was a GUY - and he was like a teenager and really cute. But that's okay. I survived.

Anyway, remember that students need to learn, too. If you've not been there you may not want to put yourself out there in this way. You might feel like a guinea pig. You're not. You're getting quality treatment from someone who is currently being supervised by your doctor and if you're not trusting your doctor to do that then how do you trust him/her to treat YOU?

Okay, and so I rambled.

Go figure.

Anyway, my doctor and her student supported me today as I discussed the year gone by, and I spoke about my plans for the coming months. My agenda. My goals. My focus.

And because of the inspiration I found yesterday - that which I shared here - I was able to truly speak from the heart and MEAN IT. I meant EVERY WORD. Every single word.

I'm inspired. It's a sunshine-filled day today, y'all. Thanks for riding it out with me. Let's ride the wave to better days together, shall we? Race you to the starting line ...

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This is 44.

Yes. I'm 44.

It's been a few days, but I was traveling on my birthday so I think you'll excuse the delay.

So. Forty-four.

Forty-four years of life.

Forty-four years of so much stuff.

This year - this year from forty-three to forty-four has been an interesting one.

When I turned forty-three I reflected back on many of the years gone by.

When I turned forty-three I thought about all the things that could still happen. All the things I could still do.

Right now I'm working. I'm working really hard.

I'm fulfilling a dream I had almost two decades ago. One that I held onto and decided I'd make happen. One that I went to school for. Completed internships for. Studied my ass off for.

One that I took exams for. Looked deep inside myself for.

And right now? I'm doing it.

I've been doing it for quite a while, if I'm being honest. I've been a licensed social worker for a really long time. My MSW degree doesn't collect dust on a shelf (although the actual piece of paper is hidden away in a drawer somewhere, for certain). My LCSW exam was not for naught.

I'm helping people.

And over the years I have shifted and adjusted to what I needed to do. What I needed to work on.

In all honesty? Things were slow for a while for me. Maybe about a year? And so I took on some outside work and got into a whole lot of other stuff. And I loved it. And I still love it. I do.

But feeling the way I feel when I work with clients? Being true to who I am and what I want to do? There's little like it.

So I encourage you - grab the brass ring. Do whatever it is you're interested in doing. There's no time like the present and all that goes with it. All the possible clichés that exist? Do 'em! Go for it! Just do it! You do you!

Because it's a pretty damned good feeling when you do.

* And I am totally cutting this post short, which is interesting, since it's kinda long already - because it's 9:01 pm and day 3 of NaBloPoMo and I don't want to fail already!! *

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Book of the Week: The 20Project, Compiled by Hilary A. Curry

The 20Project is a book filled with a collection of stories of individuals who are reflecting back on their lives prior to turning 20 (or so) and sharing with us, the readers, the points of that time period that they deem the most critical, important and possibly life-changing.

When you hear that you're intrigued, right?

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Ten Things To Know Before Your First Therapy Appointment.

Have you ever been in therapy? 

I have. 

Did you not expect that? 

If you didn't - well - surprise, I guess. But if you did - well, yeah, you know me. 

Let me tell you something else about myself. 

I AM a therapist. 

You may have already known that. I just needed to add it in anyway. Consider it a disclaimer of sorts. 

So just in case you think you want to go to therapy but you're afraid. Or in case you are planning on going and can't imagine what will happen when you walk into that office. Or maybe you get there and you want to immediately flee from the waiting area. Don't! It will be okay. 

Ten Things To Know Before Your First Therapy Appointment

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Amazing Reads and a lot from me.

So, I started my morning off without diving right into the coffee I brought home with me last night from a motivating local blogger meet-up. Which basically means me and about 7-8 of my friends connected and talked blogging and whatnot. And it did motivate me. Enough to get me writing this morning.

And someone I know on FB shared a link to Jack's post over at TheJackB.com. And with a title like this one, you, too, will want to check it out. How Parent Bloggers are Killing Blogging. I mean, come on, right?

So I wrote a novel in response, and decided that my comment was worth including in this week's edition of (yes, it's back!) Amazing Reads.

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I scream, you scream, we all scream ...

For SNOW CREAM?

What?

If you're a fairly new southern girl like I am (what? Almost 8 years is still fairly new!) you're probably wondering what in the heck snow cream actually IS.

I know I was.

Have been for years.

We really don't get THAT much snow down here. Not usually. But this winter is total #snowmaggedon aka #snowpocalypse or something like that. Seriously.

So, what's a mom to do?

You guessed it. Make her child (and herself, come on, it's GOOD) really happy with this snowy and surprising treat.

Snow Cream 101 coming right up!

I've tried making it two different ways. The first one comes out like vanilla ice cream.

Honest.

Get yourself a can of sweetened condensed milk and some vanilla extract.

Wait for your bowl to fill up with fresh snow.

I think I forgot a step. Obviously, you need snow to make snow cream.

So get yourself a bowl, a mixing bowl works great for this. Put it outside - away from where your dogs - and possibly kids - can reach. Collect away!

Recipe #1

Step 1. Freshly powdered snow fills up the bowl.
 * Don't forget - you might need to move your snow into a bigger mixing bowl (I have this set of mixing bowls and they're perfect. They've also lasted for YEARS!) otherwise you'll find yourself cleaning snow up off the counter or quite possibly the floor. Unless you have dogs. They'll take care of it for you.

Step 2. Mix in a can of sweetened condensed milk (and vanilla extract, use a splash or two, that stuff is powerful!).

Step 3. Eat and enjoy!

Note for Step 2. You're going to have to mix it pretty hard. Get all that snow in there. It's going to be a workout, so you can skip the gym today. You're welcome.

Recipe #2. 

Step 1. Collect yourself a beautiful bowl of snow.

Step 2. Add 1c sugar, 1c milk (I used skim) and a few splashes of vanilla.
 * psst. You might need to move your snow into a bigger mixing bowl. Leave room for movement!

Step 3. Get your child to do the work this time. Mix it up really well.
 * Note: You MAY need to add more snow, depending on how much milk you've added. We had to.

Step 4. Add some chocolate chips. It's instant vanilla chip ices.
 * It's a little slushier than Recipe #1, which is more of an ice cream consistency. Using milk/sugar instead of the sweetened condensed milk definitely affects the flavor and texture, but will still do in a pinch.

So, there you have it. If I can do it, you can totally do it, too.

It's seriously so easy and really quite yum.

Let me know if you've tried these recipes or any other for your snow cream. I'm sure adding some whipped cream or sprinkles would rock. As would chocolate sauce. I've added some to my daughter's hot chocolate this morning, and my coffee, too. It cooled them down, but tasted really good.

Enjoy!

p.s. There are links throughout this post to make your shopping easier for you - if you use them I'll make a few pennies towards my next Amazon purchase! Thanks. 

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Depression is real. #DayOfLight

As a social worker I've never been one to shy away from discussing mental health.

As a woman I've talked freely about my own postpartum anxiety experiences in hopes that other women would know they're not alone.

As a person I've got to tell you, depression is real.

Mental health is a real issue. It's not made up and it's not "in your head" ... funny term, isn't it? Because it IS in your head. But it's not make-believe.

I'm using today's Day of Light to let it be known, to anyone out there questioning what's wrong with them. To anyone out there struggling to get out of bed in the morning, every.single.morning. To those among us who don't want to leave their homes. Ever. Who crawl under the covers and want to spend all of the moments of every day that way.

And to those out there who leave their beds, aching, crying, fighting the whole time. Those who go to work and close the office doors or bathroom stalls for a hidden sobfest. To those among us who rely on a little make-up to hide the red noses and puffy eyes.

You're not alone.

This is REAL.

What your mind is telling you? What you're feeling and thinking? It's not made up. It's not a bunch of bull. It's real. And it's rough. It sucks sometimes. But you're not alone.

There is help. Support. Reminders.

People out there who have been where you are and have made it to the other side.

Amazing, beautiful, powerful people - just like YOU.

Who have crawled out of that darkness and found the light.

Who have opened their mouths and let their voices help them heal.

Reach out. Talk to someone. Let them know what's going on with you. Let them help. Let them help you find the help you need.

Sometimes it's medication. Don't be so quick to walk away from that as an option. Medication does not have to be forever. It can help you find your way out of the hole and get you back on your feet. It might be something you choose to rely on for the rest of the days, it might be something you need to rely on. But there is no harm in that. At all.

If you have a headache do you take a pain reliever? If you have a sinus infection/cold/flu do you take antibiotics? Decongestants? Cough medicine? Don't say no right away. Think about it. Have you never EVER taken a medication to help you get better before? EVER?

If you had cancer would you go for treatment? If you had diabetes would you monitor your sugar levels? These are illnesses. They are not your fault.

Neither is depression.

Depression is not your fault.

Depression is a part of who you are. Your body chemistry. Your mind. The way it works.

You are NOT broken. You just need a little help to get you back on track.

Let someone help you. Reach out. Talk about it.

Afraid to talk to a friend or family member? Fearing judgment? It's okay. Many of us are afraid to tell those closest to us what's happening. Find a therapist. Tell your primary doctor. Talk to your gynecologist. I don't care who you talk to - but talk to someone.

Don't curl up in a ball and hide. We don't want to lose you to this. There is a way out. There is a light. Let someone help you find it. Trust in it. Believe in it. It's there. You just need to FEEL it before you can SEE it. Because it is there.

And to those of you who don't experience these symptoms, remember to consider those around you. You might think this has not touched anyone you know. Think again. Look at your friends and family members. Really look. So many have been impacted by depression and anxiety around us and one of the most dangerous things we can do is ignore it. So reach out. See how you can help. Don't be afraid. They're scared to tell you. Make it easier for them simply by letting them know you're there.

Consider the moms among those you know and see what they're going through. Postpartum Depression is a different entity in and of itself, but it, too, is quite real. Head on over and read some information on postpartum women who will show you strength like you've never known. Take some of that strength. It's theirs, and it's yours.

Depression is real. Allow yourself to admit that and get help. It's out there.

You're NOT alone.

================


Important resources:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
* Support is available 24/7. All calls are confidential.

Postpartum Support International: 1-800-944-4PPD (4773)
* email support@postpartum.net

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I'm sorry. #ForMiriam

An open letter to Miriam Carey. #forMiriam

Miriam,

Oh, how I wish I knew what you were experiencing. I wish I knew who failed you.

I feel like it might have been me.

No matter how hard I advocate. How hard I push. I see women like you whose lives end too soon. And it triggers me. It brings me back to the realization that it's not enough. It's never enough.

What were you going through?

Was it actually a postpartum mood disorder? Were you severely anxious? Did you realize what you were doing? Did you know your baby was in the car with you? Did you mean to risk your life? And your child's?

Where was your mind taking you?

We know it was your mind that led you to those gates. Those barricades. Your mind had you put that car into drive and go.

How far did you travel to get to where you were going?

What were you thinking along the way?

Were you thinking at all?

So many women. So many mommas. Their lives end too soon.

They appear okay. Seem to be getting help.

From people like me. I'm a therapist. I meed to be working. I need to be out there supporting women like you. I am not all the way out there yet, but I do my share as best I can.

I volunteer for organizations to support moms in need. Like Postpartum Education and Support, Moms Supporting Moms - a local organization that lets me show I'm there and flex my supportive muscles via email and phone. I write posts about postpartum mental health, posts about women like you, and I try to clarify. Try to explain that not every woman experiencing postpartum depression and/or anxiety wants to harm their child(ren).

I support moms at every point of motherhood in communities like Mama's Comfort Camp, created by Yael Saar to remind women everywhere that they are not ever alone.

I spread the word about communities like #PPDChat, created by Lauren Hale of My Postpartum Voice.

I talk about Postpartum International. I remind people that help is out there. I encourage people to get help, for themselves, their friends and loved ones.

I write posts about all of the amazing bloggers out there who are available to support, love and remind you you're not alone. These women who have been places that were similar to where you were and come back from the brink of it.

And still, it's not enough.

This is not about me. This should not be about me.

It's about you. And those like you.

But I want to shout anyway. I want to be HEARD. By those who failed you. Those who have failed so many others. I want to say COME ON, ALREADY!!!

How many women have to suffer before we figure this out? How many women have to leave their children motherless? Leave their families without a daughter, a sister, a wife? How many?

We don't know. We can't know.

And honestly, I have no idea if any of this even applies to you. Perhaps I'm being too stereotypical and jumping on the bandwagon that says you must have had some sort of postpartum mood disorder to do what you did. Maybe the small words from your mom or your boyfriend or your former boss or whomever said them led me and many down this path we shouldn't be taking, but I'm going to stand on the path, lace up my sneakers and RUN LIKE HELL. Shouting the whole way through.

Let's help these women. These moms. They need us. They need the support and love and people to trust. When they go for psychiatric care, therapy, help - we need to be there. Clinicians and physicians, OB-gyns, pediatricians, psychiatrists, I don't care who you are - what professional label you wear. If you know that a woman has just had a baby it's your responsibility to ask if she is okay. It's your JOB, your oath, your whatever the hell you want to call it - but do NOT let these women slip through the cracks. Please. I appeal to you, those out there, and beg of you - check in with your patients. Your clients. Make sure they are okay. And if they're not? Get them the help they need. If you are not capable of doing it, find them someone who can. Please. I implore you.

Please.

Do it.

Do it for them. For yourself. For the children. The loved ones.

Do it for Miriam.

And Miriam ... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that your life had to end the way it did. There are so many if only-s. If only you hadn't turned the car around. Led the police to take chase. If only you hadn't driven there to begin with. If only.

If only you knew there was someone out there like me. Waiting to open my arms to you and hug you. So many someones who know what you were going through. And who got through to the other side.

If only.

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The Internet is interesting.

So I'm watching all the people talking about all the conferences.

And it's interesting to me.

I'll tell you why.

Last year I went to BlogHer in New York City.

As you all know, New York is my home. I had to go home. And with the conference being there I was excited about the possibilities.

Post-conference I was a little let down. Don't get me wrong, I loved some parts of it.

Like the people. The people you connect with at blogging conferences are incredible. Last year at BlogHer I found myself meeting people I'd been speaking with online for some time. I found my friends. It made me happy.

I connected with some of my favorite people in the world. Some new friends, some not-as-new, and some that felt like home.

So this year BlogHer is in Chicago. Y'all know I live in NC. Chicago isn't quite a hop and a skip from here. So I won't be going. And I'm okay with that. And then I see some of my peeps talking about it and I feel a twang (yes, a twang - it's not quite a pang, as I'm still okay with not going, but it's there, so twang it is.) of sadness. Not envy, really, more like, dang, I wish I was able to see this person and meet that person and actually spend some quality time with so-and-so after meeting at Bloggy Boot Camp in Charlotte this past May.

And here I am, tossing around links and making it seem like I'm the conference goer. I'm the one who knows what conferences are like. But seriously, people? I'm just me. I'm just a person, a blogger, who goes when I can go and is excited about going for whatever reasons make it important to me.

BlogHer is huge. It was a little too huge for me last year because I went in with the mindset of a Type-A Parent Conference. I expected to sail around and in and out of sessions and learn and meet people and damn, it was huge. So I know many people got what they expected out of it, and I know many people were underwhelmed, or overwhelmed. And the team at BlogHer busts their humps in a huge way to get this thing going. And damn, if they don't do a kick-ass job with it. But you have to remember it might not be for you.

It's okay if you're going and you're feeling afraid. Nervous. Anxious.

You wouldn't be human if you weren't.

But I see so many people apologizing for feeling a little scared. And so many people telling them it will be fine. Myself often included sometimes. And I apologize for that. Because it WILL be fine and you WILL "survive," for lack of a less dramatic word. But it might be a lot for you to handle. You might want to go for a walk alone. Or hide out in your hotel room for a few hours to decompress.

Or you might want to skip a certain part of the Expo Hall because it's freakin' huge.

And that's okay.

You don't HAVE to do it all. You don't have to want to, even.

Just go. Be you. If you were brave enough to purchase a ticket you obviously want to be there. Enjoy it. Don't stress. And don't let yourself be disappointed. I did that a little bit and was cranky with myself for it. But I also did that for a bit at Type-A last year because after my first year it was in a different place and I was not sure what the other differences were but it felt different and I was trying to find my way. (Can I say different one more time?)

And then I got home and reflected and damn, if I didn't have an amazing time and meet some incredible people. So, yeah. Go with it. Get out of your own head. It'll be fine.

Make it what you want it to be.

Be nervous. Stressed. Anxious. But let that go when you walk up to someone you know you know and say, OMG! HEY! It's YOU!! It's ME!! And HUG. Because you'll probably be shocked at how many people you hug that weekend.

As for me? I'll be in Atlantic City with my college peeps. Catching up on years of girls' weekends I've missed. And I couldn't be happier about it.

Though I will miss meeting some of you. But hey, there's always Type-A ...

* This post is not in any way affiliated officially with either BlogHer, Bloggy Boot Camp or Type-A Parent Conference. I am simply using my own experiences to reflect on my thoughts with respect to conferences in general for bloggers. 

** I wrote this post yesterday (Thurs) but did not hit publish as I had a book review scheduled. It appears that at this time of the year there are LOADS of people posting about the conference of conferences and the like. I don't want to seem bandwagon-y, I just wanted to say what I wanted to say. If you know me, you know that and are cool with it. If you don't, no worries, it's all good. 

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Colorful Moments

I haven't really written about fitness much these days.

I'm not sure exactly why. I used to do these posts on Sundays, and then I just drifted away from them.

I like writing them now and then, but having the same post on the same day every single week is just not my blogging style. Which I don't truly have, I suppose. But it's all good.

But today I want to talk some fitness, honestly.

I am finding mine, finding my way back to it, not all the way there, but I'm good and I like it.

Yesterday I did the Color Mania 5K with my daughter and some friends. We had an awesome time. Seriously. So much fun. What a colorful mess, for real. We walked it, and it didn't matter one bit. We just made our way, with the kids, and loved every second of it. The kids did, too.

** Random side note as I recognized where this post is headed ... Uhm, I just realized part of my post is going to coincide with Jana's Sunday meme... so maybe I'll link up! See below for directions ... **

Anyway, my daughter. My six-year-old. She came with me.

And she walked.

The whole thing. The entire 5K.

And she loved it. She loved the colors in our hair. The running up ahead and finding the next color. The jumping over muddy puddles wherever she could find them.

She loved it.

A few weeks ago I did the Dirty Girl Mud Run. She wanted to come with me. When I got home, she asked me why she couldn't, and I explained that you have to be 14. We'll do it together then, I told her. And I meant it. Eight years from now. I'll be 48. (Mother of holy cow!) But I plan on doing it. Damned if I don't, is my mindset. Why the hell wouldn't I be able to?

She knows her mama did a mud run. Climbed things and crawled through things and wound up wet and pretty muddy and dirty and it was all okay.

She knows we did the "race" yesterday, but nobody "won" - - we just did it. We walked and ran with friends and MOVED. And it was AWESOME.

After showering yesterday we found ourselves headed to the park to fly a new kite my husband picked up. Some time running around - *me with my phone in the car!* - and climbing and sliding and jumping at the playground. She broke a sweat. Her cheeks were flushed. She ran.

She loved it.

I was a tiny girl when I was 3. 4. 5. Maybe 6, even. When did I start to gain weight? I don't know. I do know that my 6th grade class picture shows a much chubbier me. I don't want that for my daughter. Health is first, of course, but I don't want her to see a chubby self. I don't want her to think fitness is evil and gym class is terrifying.

At the store the other day, and today, even, she found hula hoops. She showed me she tries. She does it in school. It's fun. And awesome. AND FUN.

Me? I hated my junior high school gym clothes more than anything I could ever imagine. EVER. Changing in front of those girls? Ugh. And I had friends. I didn't really have enemies. And it still sucked.

Have you ever heard of Joyce Leslie? It's a store. A clothing store. The dressing room? Communal.

What the eff?

You heard me. COMMUNAL.

Can you imagine going in there growing up? It was strange. We did it, because we just did. But still. COMMUNITY DRESSING ROOM, PEOPLE.

I flashed back to that after the mud run, actually. We walked from the car to go get changed. Walked into this big huge tent and ... ta dah! Community changing and cleaning area.

But this was different. Nobody cared. Nobody looked. And hell, if they did? I didn't give two - - uhm - - well, you get me. You know why? Because I didn't just feel like the last kid picked to play basketball. I didn't worry that running around track would give me an asthma attack even though I've never even HAD asthma. I just finished a mother effing MUD RUN. I WAS A DIRTY GIRL. I earned that. And every single one of us in that room had done just that.

So did we care who was changing where? Short of hoping not to have someone walk into the tent and right into my bare backside - nope. Not at all. Because we weren't looking. We didn't care. We just wanted out of our wet and dirty and chilly clothes and to feel ever-so-slightly clean.

Now, where was I? Oh, right. Mud Run? #lifelist entry number I don't know exactly what? Check. Done. I did it. I'm happy as a dirty girl and I did it.

* Why do I fear the kinds of searches that might bring people here with all this Dirty Girl talk? Oy. *

Anyway, back to finding fitness. Jana's prompt today is Pass it on. Stream of Consciousness Sundays is a fun weekly brain dump. It's supposed to be five minutes of typing, but I think with the subject matter I chose today, Jana will forgive me. Especially since she's Ms. Fitness herself and a kick-ass mother runner!

Part of the Pass It On prompt asks, what is something that you have passed on to your children? My hope? My dream? My prayer, even? My growing enjoyment of MOVEMENT. My love (love?!?) of fitness. My fitspiration.

I hope she feels it now and carries it with her through life.

My friend said to me at the race yesterday how she doesn't want her son learning to run in his 30s. YES. That's it. I get it. I really do. THAT IS IT. Do you get it? Sooner. They need to know and love the movement sooner. NOW. They can love it now.

I want the love I am learning to feel for running, for working out regularly and for moving my body - my whole entire body - to carry into my 6-yo's little being and stay there. Stick there forever.

That's not too much to ask, is it?

* I swear she was so much happier than she looks here! *

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Happy 2013!

Good afternoon, world!!! Happy New Year to you all!!!

I like exclamation points, can you tell?

I'm all hyped up on sugar to look forward into the new year, and because of that I'm decidedly being either lame or amazing and bucking the trend to look back at the year that's passed us by. Maybe. I can always come back and do that if I like, right?

I'm also planning on participating in an awesome life list linky with some bloggy friends, and so I'm not going to toss a ton of ideas or resolutions out at you for the coming year. sort of kind of.

Lots of people seem to be boycotting resolutions. Saying things like 'why make 'em if you'll never keep 'em?' and how about I make one to do *this* because I know I will and what not.

I think I fall somewhere mid-spectrum.

Spectrum. Word doesn't quite roll off the tongue, does it?

So, for me, here are a few things I'm planning for the coming year.

*Disclaimer: You may or may not see some of these again on the upcoming #lifelist I'll be sharing.*

#1. Chop off my ... damn it. Did that.

Also? I don't love the after pic here. My eyes look freaked out. But my next goal for 2013 ...

#2. Get in front of the camera more. Not just headshots that I take at my MAC or my phone or whatever. Actually BE in the pictures. And kind of consider ...

#3. Taking fewer pics with my phone(s). There's no reason to document everything in that manner. And if I do decide to do so I plan to

#4. Share less of them with the entire universe. I lived a long time without facebook and was totally fine. I can do it again. (Not giving it up, but no need to share 900 pics a month. Give or take.)

#5. Participate in a Dirty Girl Mud Run. I'm registered for one in March. Notice I did not say finish. That'll fall on the #lifelist. Just to be safe.

#6. Find my word. People across the interwebs are word-crazy for the new year. I started to think of mine. First I came up with REVAMP. But then I didn't love it. I was kind of like, well, I want to revamp my physical being and be healthier, and revamp my house a bit, and my mental state now and then. But revamp is so BIG. I don't need to revamp who I am, or my heart, or some other stuff, so why use it? Nah. Then I switched to - well - I forget what. CHANGE, maybe. But that had the same weird connotations. So I was deciding on RESOLVE, but that seemed like I was cheating. And skimming off of the resolution mindset. And actual word.

So yeah. What's your word? Do you have one? Do you have one for me?

#7. Write more. 'Nuff said.

#8. Read more. Sort of. I hit 60+ books this year and am pretty happy with that. But now I have a Kindle, so I'm counting on it to bump me up a bit.

#9. Move. Not necessarily more. I don't need the stress of that. Just move. Work out. Get back into the mindset. Finish a round of C25K. Zumba my fanny off. Swim. Run. Walk. Whatever. Just do it. *Nike has not compensated me in any way at this time.

#10. LIVE. LIVE MY LIFE.
We learn almost every day that life is too short. Tell the people you love that you love them. Hug with abandon. Hold hands. Laugh. Cry. Breathe in and out. Stretch. Drink a cup of coffee or tea outside. Watch a sunrise. Try a new recipe. Write a poem. Send a letter by mail. Call an old friend just to hear their voice. Spend the day without looking in a mirror. At all. Just be. Let the wind blow your hair around and not care. Stop with the hairspray (you, not me, I haven't used it in years!). Eat something calorie-laden. Fettucine alfredo won't kill you if you have it once. Eat something healthy. There has to be a quinoa recipe that will work for you. Play the Wii with your daughter and get your ass off the computer. Like now.

Love to all. Merry Happy Peaceful Joy-filled EVERYTHING.

And a happy and healthy and blessed 2013.

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Take a minute and help someone out.

I'm glad Jana has a free stream of consciousness prompt today. Because I pretty much have a thousand things to say and am all over the place so an actual prompt (while always optional) probably wouldn't have meshed for me.

Last week I posted a few sponsored posts. They're low on comments but I'm okay with that. I do what I need to do to get me through my commitments, and I hope the businesses, etc. I've worked with are pleased with my efforts.

It's interesting to have to do all of that (and yes, there will be some more) in the wake of the hurricane. The aftermath or Sandy, of Sandy, *typo* is affecting so many. I'm spending loads of time online looking for places I can support and send things to. Blankets, coats, whatever it is that I can dig up and get my hands on I want to pass along to those in need.

And yet, it's an interesting concept, as there are people in need everywhere every.single.day.

Aren't there?

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How to approach the conference #typeacon

Okay, so you already know I'm going.

And I've already told you what to bring.

Now I'm going to tell you how to approach the conference. How I recommend you do - not how you must - because I don't play that way. But you know that about me already!

I have to tell you this because I know that last year I spent each morning going over the schedule, freaking out and thinking - why can't I go to BOTH of those? And what else do I want to hear, learn, etc?

And you know what? You can. You CAN go to both of those.

A simple Type-A Conference tip from me to you. It's okay to attend a 2hr session for half of the time and walk out to get to your next session if it happens to start during the first one.

Follow?

Last year I was in a 2hr session and while I enjoyed it, I kind of felt like if I stayed the whole time I'd be missing the session that would probably mean more to me. And though I felt like I was sneaking out of class a little bit, it was okay. I repeat: It was totally OKAY.

You can do it. You can stay for an hour and move on. If you're loving it and learning every single thing you ever wanted to learn? Stay! If you're feeling like you need a snack or might lose track if you blink for a second? Go. Move on to the next thing. It's probably a better fit for you. And nobody will care if you do it.

YOU paid to attend. You're the reason you're there, right?

While we go to conferences to meet other people - other bloggers - our online friends, we're also there for US. We're most important here. We're allowed to skip a block of time during the day to miss sessions, go for a walk, go get a coffee, work out, chat with friends, it's totally okay to walk away for an hour and read. It's what you make of it. The whole long weekend. You make it work for you.

I know there are many cool sessions on the agenda for the coming days, and I'm excited about a lot of them. And I know there will be a small part of me circling things and jotting them down, maybe even scheduling reminders in my phone so I know where I'm going and at what time. But I also know that if I happen to miss something? It'll be okay.

Except try not to miss the opening and closing keynotes and the panel. That's awesome stuff. You should attend that. But honestly, if you don't that's on you. You're allowed to make those choices for yourself! Be Type-A if you must, but cut yourself some slack. It's not an assignment. It's a conference. Be sure to have some fun while you're there!

And look for me. Say hey, give me a hug, ask for some gum - whatever - I promise I'm approachable!

I may or may not have glasses on, but I still look like this:

Charlotte here I come!

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Heading to #typeacon? My tips!

So this year I'm going back to Type-A Parent Conference. 

And I'm really excited!

But I'm also kind of laid back about it. I'm not stressing over the schedule. I just know I'll be slightly OCD when I get there, and when I have the schedule in my hands I'll be reading, re-reading and living off of that thing for the entire weekend+. I can't let myself stress about it now, or I'll turn into loopy mode and won't be able to function on the other stuff that's important before I head off to Charlotte for this trip.

So - I know you've read loads of tips by now, but I'm going to give you mine anyway. Last year Type-A Conference in Asheville was my first conference ever. This year in Charlotte is my second. See a pattern here? I totally do!

Anyway, some of the things I brought with me last year that I found essential may seem the norm for many conference-goers, but I'm going to list them out for you anyway.

* Your camera
Yes, your cell phone will rock. But your standard digital camera, if you have one, or your fancy-schmancy point-n-shoot, whichever works for you? That's needed. The better pictures I got were on my digital camera. I may not use it all the time, but I'm bringing it anyway.

* Your phone
I know - Duh. But last year the hotel's wireless was wonky. It was so frustrating and the ONLY way I was able to get online was through my phone. Seriously. I had a slightly crappy phone, and it came through for me in a big way. Yay, phone!

* Chargers
Of ALL nature. Your phone. Your iPad. Your tablet. Your laptop. Your camera. Whatever else you might need to charge up - bring it. For reals. And while you're at it ...

* A power strip
I kid you not, you'll find a lot of people who want to be your best friend if you bring one of these with you. I need to be sure I have a working one this year. I didn't bring one last time - but I absolutely borrowed some juice off of someone else's!

* Pen and paper
Sure, in today's electronic world we rely on note-taking methods that run the gamut. But a pen and paper are a no-fail back-up. What if you run out of battery? What if you can't type fast enough? What if - what if? What if you're like me and sometimes just love writing stuff down? Bring it.

* A sweater/long-sleeved cover-up of some sort
Because yes, it's pretty hot in NC in June. But it's also pretty air-conditioned in those conference rooms. Without a doubt.

* An easy to carry water bottle
Reusable is the way to go for me, so I recommend it. It's the best way to ensure you're not dried out while sitting in the aforementioned AC-d rooms. And it's easy and always free to fill 'em up! Plus? Environmentally friendly. Go for it.

* Snacks
If you're like me and can't make it through an all-day class without at least 2 snacks? Bring a few of your own. Plus it's really nice to make friends w. your roomies or whomever else you're hanging with if  you share your extras.

* Gum
Say you have something spicy/salady/soupy for the meal you had prior to the session/party/etc. you're attending? 'Nuff said. Bring enough to share and you'll make new friends for sure.

* Business cards
They're often a given, but if you don't have your own please be sure to collect them from others. Take notes on them, if you can (remember that pen) and remind yourself where you met people, what stands out about them, etc. And if you DO have your own? HAND THEM OUT. Seriously. Don't feel weird. Even though it DOES feel weird. Do it anyway. You didn't buy them for nothing, right? Just do it. I promise nobody will look at you funny.

* Cash
It's always good to have some extra cash on hand. Just cause.

* Socks, or closed shoes
If you're like me and your feet tend to freeze those conference rooms might not be kind to your toes. Bring socks or closed-toe shoes to keep your tootsies warm during the day and save the open-toed shoes for night. Or outdoors. Plus socks are great if your feet get cold when you're going to bed. And then you can avoid packing slippers if you're one of those people who don't like to walk on hotel carpets without some sort of buffer.

And speaking of your room and the other aspect of the conference ... the following options could be a plus for you and your roomies:

* bathroom spray (I don't need to explain this - right?)
* water/wine/beverages of your choice
* a treat or two for your new friends (baked goods are ALWAYS a hit)
* snacks (see previous entry) (and the one before it!)
* whatever else you bring with you that gives you the comforts of home? And doesn't include a pillow and/or towel? Bring enough to share! Your roommates will thank you for it.

I'm sure I have more to add here, (I'm not even going to touch anything to do with clothing, aside from my thoughts on shoes!) but for the time being I'm going to wrap up this post before it becomes even more novel-like.

So, what do you think? Was this helpful? Did I forget anything? If so - what? Please tell me! I still have time to pack. Oh! And DON'T forget a small bag of some sort for the swag. Because yes, Type-A does have swag, and you may get your own reusable grocery bag to carry it home in, but if you're flying that then becomes your carry-on, and you all know you only get one of those, so ... think ahead!

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Where I'm at

I'm tired.

Yesterday kind of sucked. More on that later, though.

It's been a few weeks since I have posted my weight or my motivation, or my fitness inspiration.

We had a few crazy weeks, I suppose. I actually skipped weighing myself for almost three weeks - which is scary that I went that long, and yet I am relieved to confess I have only put on .4 lbs. Woo hoo, right?

Yes, I'm okay with a gain. Because this is what those three weeks have looked like...

Passover. 'Nuff said. Honest. I think I ate more things made with eggs than I have in the entire year of 2012. Maybe include 2011 in that, as well. Whoops.

The great mold debacle of 2012. Missed this story? Check it out here.

My anniversary surprise! More on that later, but if you have had the chance to check out my Instagram shots from a weekend or so ago, you'll know I was in NYC for a few days. That update/post will come eventually. I'm slow. Behind schedule. Yadda yadda yadda.

So seeing that my scale showed 4/10 of a pound in the upward manner, I'm not as devastated as I could be. I'm okay with it. I'm glad I didn't put back about 5 lbs, with the eating and drinking I did in the city. Yeah, I went overboard. But I took it on as a true vacation. I think the amount of walking we did throughout the city (the city = Manhattan, for anyone unsure) helped balance things out. Helped me maintain the way I did. Pretty much any and everything I ate and/or drank was burned off shortly after. Honest. I miss that about the city, but again, that's a whole 'nother post!

Now today I get to explain (briefly, I can't dwell right this second) how this week back was okay, but then yesterday I had a "get thee to the ER incident" and I'm okay, but needless to say, I didn't get my butt moving last night. And it's possible I won't today. But I'll be damned if I'm lax about it tomorrow!

So here are a few pinterest motivational images that come from my Motivate Me! board. I hope they'll kickstart my week and get me to move PAST WEEK FIVE of couch to 5K. I guess we'll see...

You said it, Pinterest.

I GOT THIS.

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Can you be a Ms-Fix-It? Yes. You. Can.

I'd like to take a moment to introduce you to my friend Kim, who blogs over at The Money Pit. 

If you haven't yet seen her blog you should go now and take a look. You'll be jealous enough to hate her, or totally inspired BY her. Take your pick. For me it's the former. I haven't been motivated enough yet to consider myself officially inspired. But anyway - - Kim and I know one another IRL, and she's someone whose work I think you'll enjoy checking out. So read on, and then click over, and find yourself inspired. Then send some of those motivated vibes my way - please ... 

When Andrea asked me to guest blog on GoodGirlGoneRedneck I was super excited.  I always love to share my love of home improvement and DIY projects, especially with other women/moms and I knew her readership was right up my alley. 
If you aren't a fellow DIY'r (or if you think you don't have the skills or desire to do simple repairs or improvements in your house) don't stop reading!  Trust me.. once you see how easy it really is, how much  money you can save doing it yourself, and how great it comes out when you are through you are going to be empowered too.  
A lot of women I talk to are afraid to tackle projects at home and often lament that it is "their husband's area of expertise." But I know if I waited for my husband to get around to a 'Honey Do' list I would die before it happened.  And that is how I got started blogging about home improvement.  I bought a house.. it needed a LOT of improvement.. and I had no money and nobody else willing to do it.  It was up to me.
My number one piece of advice for anyone thinking about tackling a project but freaking out because they feel clueless is this:  DON'T BE AFRAID!  
With the exception of a few things (like electricity), a home improvement project (even if you screw it up) will not kill you.  You can do this! 
I laugh when I hear on someone hiring "unskilled labor" to do a home repair.  If it is UNSKILLED surely I can handle it, I have an advanced degree for crying out loud! This isn't brain surgery.. it is painting a wall, fixing a toilet, hanging some shelves... 
And if you aren't sure what you are doing, that isn't a reason to not try.  There are so many people out there who are willing to help you, just ask.  Hardware stores aren't just for boys anymore!  Don't be intimidated.  

image source

I always remind myself (when I begin freaking out that I am in over my head) that *IF* I mess something up, there will always be someone I can call to fix my mistake.. nothing is forever.  No guts, no glory! (Although I can say that I have NEVER EVER needed to have someone repair damage I have caused attempting a project.  NEVER.  Somehow it has always worked out in the end.)
So jump right in.  Inspired by something on Pinterest?  DO IT! Something not working around the house and it is driving you nuts?  GOOGLE IT! 
YOU CAN DO THIS.. DON'T BE AFRAID! 
Pep talk over.  Time to talk DIY!  How 'bout Plumbing?!
Since we moved into our current house, the powder room faucet has always sprayed crazily.   An explosion of water in all directions (I didn't even know water could do an 180 degree turn, but it can!)   I have spent the last 6 months of my life wiping water stains off the mirror.  My husband told me to call a plumber and have the faucet replaced.
Umm.. yeah. No.  That would cost at least $50 for a new fixture and a couple hundred dollars for labor.  l decided to take it apart to figure out what was wrong with it  (Remember, you could always call a plumber if you can't figure out what is wrong.. but there is no need to call him first!)

To take apart a faucet, you just need to unscrew the spout to get at the "guts."  If you can't get it to unscrew with just your fingers, you can use a pliers to loosen it: 

Once it is loose, remove it completely  (make sure you close the sink drain so nothing gets lost!)

In my case I immediately realized what the problem was. 

The aerator was missing:

Ah Ha!   Off to the hardware store!

When selecting a new aerator there are TONS and TONS of choices.  

DON'T BE AFRAID!

It may be intimidating, but it isn't impossible.

When doing a repair project, it is always best to take exactly what you are fixing with you.  It will make selecting the right replacement part much easier (and if you are lost, you can always hold up the part to an employee and say "what is this and how can I fix it?")

Here are all the parts of my faucet spout:

It turns out when repairing a faucet aerator there are a few things you need to know:

How big is the spout and how is it threaded?

What flow rate do you want (how much water comes out)?

What type of flow do you want?

You don't know the answers?  Ask for help!   

Question 1: How big is the spout and how is it threaded?  

Well, lookie that.. 

Home Depot gives you a handy dandy cheat sheet right there in the store:

In my case it turns out that I had a 15/16 inch (27 thread count) spout.

That sign actually says "90% of faucet spouts are 15/16" Well, whoda' thunk! 

My faucet is average. 

Question 2: What flow rate do you want? 

My spout (like most) had the flow rate printed on it: 2.2 GPM (gallons per minute.)  Because we live where water is pretty valuable, and because the powder room is where my kids wash their hands (AKA play in the water) I decided I wanted to cut down on the flow rate.   Low-flow aerators range from 1-1.5 GPM.  I settled on a 1.5 GPM replacement.

Question 3: What type of flow do you want? 

Well, in my case I wanted ANYTHING that wasn't "spray all over every surface."  

However, if you are pickier than me, you can once again count on Home Depot to show you your options:

I decided on aerated, since that is typical for a bathroom faucet.  

This is all personal preference.

Now that I know what I need, I find it on that giant wall of faucet parts**.  

Here is what I buy (Notice the three yellow circles indicate the answers to the three questions we just answered):

Total cost: $4.89 (take that extra $200 you saved and buy some shoes!)

When you get it out of the package you can clearly see difference between it and the one that wasn't working correctly.  This one has a screen to keep the water aerated.

Before you put it back on your faucet want to make sure you assemble all the parts in the correct order (there is a diagram on the packaging):

Now screw it back onto the faucet and you are DONE!  That is all there was to it. 

Stand back admire your handy work:

A splatter free faucet. 
Now get out there and tackle those projects!  Don't be afraid! 


**Another option was to buy just the plastic insert and reuse the metal spout that was originally on my faucet.  My home depot was sold out of the small inserts that fit, so I settled on an entirely new spout. 

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